I felt like you OP and shelved it at chapter 2, then came back to it. I think it's a very specific type of game, the fail states infuriate me. I went the wrong way on a wagon, had to restart checkpoint. Followed an NPC that pushed me down a cliff, had to restart. The game isn't really meant to be played like a campaign in my opinion, which is why it falls down for many of us. Just wander to your objective and be prepared to be distracted on the way.
I had much more fun when booting up, then picking a few question marks to get through like episodes of a Western. Even the shooting is more of a Western, point and flick with the headshot animation rather than aim, position and shoot. Fast travel, just stick your horse on cinematic mode. Don't return to base after missions, camp instead. Don't forget to scour for herbs to give your food a boost when minted etc.
I don't mind the animations generally, I find it more frustrating waiting for the animations to trigger. Hittch Horse, 3 seconds before Arthur slides the horse into the right place, then dismounts and then hitches. It just adds latency onto every action. Like looting isn't the problem, it's the delay as Arthur gets into position to do the looting and stands there for a couple of seconds first. I'm now on chapter 6 and some missions have been wild, like the tobacco fields etc. Sadie Adler is a great character as well as Dutch and Hosea etc.