I think Star Trek TNG is pants.
I thought it at the time and I still think it now.
I hate the Enterprise design with its oversized saucer, squashed fuselage and stunted warp nacelles. It’s crap. But then it’s in good company because every single Enterprise design after A has looked like dogshit anyway.
I hate the stupid fucking phasers that look like tv remote controls. God forbid anything looks like an actual weapon.
I hate the Enterprise bridge with its horrible wooden trim and shit crew station layout. It looks empty and bland. Again bridge design peaked with the Enterprise A.
I hate the fact that everything on the ship is operated by tapping on iPad screens.....
‘We’re under attack! Raise shields!’
*Tap*
‘Navigator, plot us an escape vector and get us the hell out of here!’
*Tap tap*
‘Chief? If we don’t go to warp in ten seconds we’re all dead!’
‘Swipe............. tap*
I hate that there’s a room called a ‘ready room’. Because apparently ships captains in the 24th century need a room to discuss every single decision they make.
‘All those in favour of pumping out the bilges raise their hands.’
I hate that there’s a fucking shrink on the bridge.
I hate that they stuck an Alice band on the engineers face that looks like someone stuck an Alice band on the engineers face.
I hate the uniforms, God I hate the uniforms. They just stuck every fucker in a catsuit and called it a day. Well done wardrobe, you sure earned your pay-checks that month.
I hate the starfleet badge com-links that make everyone look like they’re pledging allegiance to Caesar anytime they make a phone call.
I hate that they use the holodeck in lots of episodes so they don’t have to spend any budget on the early, fake looking cgi that I hate.
I hate that they rejig the deflector array to direct a tachyon surge any time the script writers need to write themselves out of a corner.
‘Weapons?’
‘Sir?’
‘Load a mark IV Deus ex machina and prepare to fire.’
I love Patrick Stewart as actor.
I hate Picard. He’s wooden, humourless and fucking boring. Lame. I never thought Stewart fit the role and I never liked the way Picard was written.
Seriously, by the time Kirk had shagged, shot, charmed, punched and conned his way through an episode, Picard would still be choosing the appropriate tone of voice.
‘Engage.’
‘Oh just fuck off already’