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My co-worker insulted me. What can I do?

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Zephyrus0

Banned
I will avoid the specifics, but in the meeting my co-worker was very condescending and called me lazy.
I stayed calm tried to get my points across but she was very argumentative and didn't listen to me. She was very unprofessional.

Anyway I am thinking of going to my boss and explaining what happened calmly and asking for advice. I will say I still like my coworker, want to work with her, but I am confused by the criticism.

Is this a smart strategy? Boss will ask what had I done to address the issue with worker and I will say I tried to talk to her for an hour and she was combative. I am afraid I will look as a complainer, though.
I always choose one of the following actions:
Sociopath: set her up for failure and pounce hard and fast when she fails
Aloof: do nothing because I tend to avoid stepping on shit
 

INC

Member
If you're American, you know the drill

science fiction horror GIF by FilmStruck
 
I will avoid the specifics, but in the meeting my co-worker was very condescending and called me lazy.
I stayed calm tried to get my points across but she was very argumentative and didn't listen to me. She was very unprofessional.

Anyway I am thinking of going to my boss and explaining what happened calmly and asking for advice. I will say I still like my coworker, want to work with her, but I am confused by the criticism.

Is this a smart strategy? Boss will ask what had I done to address the issue with worker and I will say I tried to talk to her for an hour and she was combative. I am afraid I will look as a complainer, though.
Without the specifics it's pretty much impossible to offer worthwhile advice. Workplace dynamics are complicated and require nuance.

Generally, I'd just continue to kick ass at my position and let my results speak for me. You said "co-worker" so it sounds like she has no authority over you so who cares? Let it go and win by succeeding.
 

Northeastmonk

Gold Member
Send an email to HR explaining everything. No one has to know. That’s what HR is there for. Sooner the better.

We all know what work is like. Everyone talks behind your back. No matter who it is. It’s a job. I left my last job because it was so catty. It got so bad that I once got a private message questioning my absence. To which I responded to the message in person just to let them know they sent it to the wrong person. If you think HR is a bit much, just talk to your boss.

That’s what a boss is suppose to do. They’re there to listen.
 

Artoris

Gold Member
I think the first question you should ask is. would she benefit in some way if you no longer work there
 

Saber

Gold Member
Maybe shes having one of those times?

I would say if you're friend or like her, talk in private.
If not just let her rage and just ignore or simply fake agree and move on. If this escalates consider talking to your superior or RH via a formal mail.
 
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AlphaDump

Gold Member
If she told you directly at point blank and didn't go to your boss to complain then she most likely did you a favor by telling you to get your shit together before others catch on.

Details aren't clear here so I'm just going to go with that.
 

FeralEcho

Member
Calling someone lazy is an insult now? Jesus titty fucking Christ.
I mean it ain't an insult but it's pretty shitty of her to throw him under the bus like that in a meeting...You know this ain't someone you can trust If she does that.Unless his laziness affected her work in her doing double the work or some shit there's no reason to throw someone under the bus like that,hell not even in that instance.She could've talked things through in private with him and settled it like professionals but she decided to be snarky about it.
 

StueyDuck

Member
Always sort shit out as it happens because I promise you she's snaking behind your back to get the upper hand.

"If your side of the story is 100% the truth"

Chat to the boss and get over how much you enjoy your co-worker. You need to make it as obvious as possible that you are not the issue and are easy to work with.
 

Cyberpunkd

Member
Is this a smart strategy? Boss will ask what had I done to address the issue with worker and I will say I tried to talk to her for an hour and she was combative. I am afraid I will look as a complainer, though.
If your boss is not a total moron what you did is of no importance, what matters is that she acted unprofessionally. Go talk to your boss. Your colleague needs to be immediately reminded this kind of behaviour is not tolerated in the workplace.
 
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Patrick S.

Banned
Well OP, you even admit to being lazy. So, stop being a lazy asshole? I've done the same thing just a few weeks ago; angrily called out a lazy coworker during a meeting because I was pissed off by his attitude of trying to dodge work, dodge responsibility, and trying to blame everybode else for not supporting him more. We're talking about someone on a full salary, not some intern or whatever.

That dude pissed me off again today, and tomorrow I'm going to my superior to talk about it. What happened? Well, a client called and said they wanted this or that done on their firewall. My colleague says "oof, I have no idea about that stuff, it will take me way too long to try and look into it and figure out what to do. Send an email, and a colleague who knows how to do what you need, and has time and wants to do it, will probably take care of it." Like, dude, how can you be more of a fucking idiot? Telling the client straight out that the company in charge of their network has people who have no idea what they are doing, making him lose his time writing an email describing what they want done when they already did so on the phone, not even TRYING to maybe have a look at it, maybe calling me to look over his shoulder and guide him, can't even be arsed to take two minutes it takes to write a fucking ticket and hand it over to me or another colleague.

Then, also today, another client called and told me they had a problem with a software they use, and I told him I had to hand it over to a colleague because I was busy with another case, and the client told me "oh no, you helped us in a few minutes the last time we had this issue, and then another day we called with the same issue and your colleague needed over three hours to solve the problem!"

You are probably like that guy. And that guy would probably have been fired a long time ago if it wasn't as hard as it is to get new people.
 
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nush

Member
Quote Bill Gates;

"I always gave the most difficult tasks to the laziest workers, because they'll always find the most efficient way to complete it".

That was always a quote that spoke to me because I always finish tasks assigned to me quickly so I can go back to doing fuck all*.


*Posting on messageboards at work.
 

Golgo 13

The Man With The Golden Dong
Are you male or female? You sound like a male but this would be completely different if you’re a woman
 
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Sonik

Member
I will avoid the specifics, but in the meeting my co-worker was very condescending and called me lazy.
I stayed calm tried to get my points across but she was very argumentative and didn't listen to me. She was very unprofessional.

Anyway I am thinking of going to my boss and explaining what happened calmly and asking for advice. I will say I still like my coworker, want to work with her, but I am confused by the criticism.

Is this a smart strategy? Boss will ask what had I done to address the issue with worker and I will say I tried to talk to her for an hour and she was combative. I am afraid I will look as a complainer, though.


You have the answer in your own post. The next time she does this call her unprofessional publicly and tell her that if she's done with the name calling you should continue discussing like adults. Asking for advice from your boss (that's how you should frame it imo) beforehand about her being kind fo rude and unprofessional would probably protect you from any accusations that might occur after you do this. You need to nip this in the bud though, dumbfucks like this can easily sabotage you at work by painting you a certain way.
 

ANDS

King of Gaslighting
I will avoid the specifics, but in the meeting my co-worker was very condescending and called me lazy.
I stayed calm tried to get my points across but she was very argumentative and didn't listen to me. She was very unprofessional.

Anyway I am thinking of going to my boss and explaining what happened calmly and asking for advice. I will say I still like my coworker, want to work with her, but I am confused by the criticism.

Is this a smart strategy? Boss will ask what had I done to address the issue with worker and I will say I tried to talk to her for an hour and she was combative. I am afraid I will look as a complainer, though.

If you aren't actually anything she described you as you absolutely need to bring it up to your boss or directly to the coworker to address this as she's now defined you without you having a chance to respond.

As for what to say to your boss, this isn't about you "working it out" it's about the lack of professionalism on display. Fine work out the communication issue with the coworker, but that doesn't excuse the behavior in a meeting (even if you are, in fact lazy and a drag on your company). I have a coworker who will do that sometimes to others, even in smaller settings, and it still reads as unprofessional. Among peers is not where you air grievances about work performance.

. . . God speed little onion.
 

Camreezie

Member
Does your laziness contribute to her having an increased work load? If so shes well within her rights to call you out. If not shes still telling the truth
 

Marvel14

Banned
I will avoid the specifics, but in the meeting my co-worker was very condescending and called me lazy.
I stayed calm tried to get my points across but she was very argumentative and didn't listen to me. She was very unprofessional.

Anyway I am thinking of going to my boss and explaining what happened calmly and asking for advice. I will say I still like my coworker, want to work with her, but I am confused by the criticism.

Is this a smart strategy? Boss will ask what had I done to address the issue with worker and I will say I tried to talk to her for an hour and she was combative. I am afraid I will look as a complainer, though.
I would try one honest and constructive conversation with your coworker before escalating. After 24hrs to sleepnonnit go through what happened factually with them (don't make any comments about what they are like, focus exclusively on what they said and did). Flag what wasn't OK and why, ask if there was a reason behind it or something that you've done that they were responding to that you're not aware of.

If there was apologise for your bit and hopefully they will do the same for theirs and agree to alert each other if something feels off in the future before emotions start to rise .

If they don't respond well ( either they don't acknowledge your factual account, provide no reason that explains and don't apologise for their failings) then let them know that you will be raising it with your boss and that their behaviour towards you will need to change as you will not tolerate being criticised in front of colleagues without justification. You tried to work through it as professionals but this needs escalation because they are not supporting a constructive resolution.

That way you don't come across as a tattle tale and you can tell your boss you made a genuine attempt to address the issue before going to them.
 
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One time? Move on like water off a duck's back. Give no ammunition to such people. Observe her behaviour around other workers and public settings, is it a pattern with her or just a one off? Always sleep on your first response for trivial things.

Second time? In a professional tone bring up the previous and current topic as a pattern with her targeting you and rebut with facts. After that convo just go to boss/HR. Above all keep your cool, giving a reaction isn't a good idea and you lose control.

*If you are indeed lazy use it as motivation and step it up. Slam dunk that shit and again move on.

This shit right here is what you need to be successful, in business or personal life - locus of control
 
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