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Dear Gaf, im struggling.....

I was writing from a phone last night, so my thoughts were a bit rushed and random.

But you said you were 35/36 really rang a bell for me.

Public forum exclusive....I lost my virginity at 34. (you can all laugh, I can take it). I was the nearly 35 year old Virgin.

Wasn't through want of trying, but I'd had bad cystic Acne since I was 15. I'm talking really bad, that shreds any ounce of confidence you have. But as the years went on, the treatments got better so did my skin and so did my confidence.

35 onwards was non-stop partying and shagging to make up for lost time. I can't remember the names or the faces of most of them. Get the Manscaping kit out, refresh your wardrobe, treat yourself to a luxury cologne and keep your Dog, if she doesn't like your Dog, John Wick her arse!. Paint your pad for a new look, give everything in your life a spring clean. 35 onwards...you are going to KILL IT!

But the most important advice I can give you, or anyone is that life really is like a box of Forrest Gump's Chocolates.

My highs and lows:

20s - Mother died suddenly of cancer. 6 months later my Dad hanged himself in grief. And fuck me, it doesn't get any worse than walking in and finding your Dad dead that way. I didn't work for 5 years. I was too destroyed. Pro-Tip: If you ever have a life-changing experience like that and need to cover a period on your CV, don't come up with bollocks like you were travelling overseas, just do what I did and say you had your own business and pay someone to make a professional website for that business and register the company. :) Other than those dreadful events the only thing I did of any interest was partaking in console wars on NeoGaf. If anyone remembers the green Xbox dancing Bananas, that was me. For someone who loves clubbing I missed out on the prime era of 90's / 00's dance which does make me sad sometimes.

30s - finally had my epiphany I was wasting my life and went to a social meet up for single people in London. I remember that day, it totally changed my life, I'd booked a place but decided that I wasn't going to go. Who would want to be friends with a loser like me. But as luck would have it I'd been clothes shopping that and decided to walk home in the evening...which took me right past the venue where this social event was taking place....nah...walked past, but a little naggy bird on my shoulder told me to go back. Best decision I ever made. I made friends who I'm still friends with today. It was in Farringdon, two scousers persuaded me to go to Fabric next door, I ditched the shopping and ended up stumbling out at 7.00am the next morning. It changed my life! From then on met loads of new people, made loads of new friends. The Caterpillar really did become the Butterfly.

40s - Got married twice. Got divorced twice. Got taken to hospital three times for drug overdoses, including technically dying in the ambulance when my heart stopped. In retrospect, I probably was trying too hard to make up for lost time. I note you said you don't want to turn to drink or drugs, stick with that decision. Don't get me wrong, if you're going clubbing, there's nothing wrong with a cheeky tag-along from Mandy, but everything else will drain your money and fuck your brain up. Stay clean. Stay healthy. The worst stuff I've been clean from for a year now, a year this month. But as anyone who saw my ridiculous Crystal Meth post, once in the drug world, it's always there as a grim temptation. Had the best job ever. Got sacked from the best job ever, in retrospect, probably because I wasn't thinking straight because of the drugs. If you think certain friends are a drain and dragging you down, they probably are. And a whole lot of clubbing. I must have danced to the Moon and back in steps and I loved every moment of it.

50s - A lot of reflection. Happiness and disappointment.

Would have kids changed my life? Probably not, I'm too selfish. I barely have enough time for the PS5 as it is.

Should I have treated my wives differently? Wife No.1 definitely. Wife No.2 no.

Could I have put more effort into furthering my career? Absolutely. But here's the thing, I like being a backroom boy. Pay me to 9 to 5. I'll do your shit and I'll do it well. But kissing arse and brown-nosing to get up the ladder, that's not me. And I hate meetings.

This takes me to today. Started week on a high very happy, ending it on a low of I made a mistake at work that's put me in the firing line. Somewhat unfairly given the nature of the work. Those Forrest Gump chocolates man...

I'd highly recommend meetup.com - https://www.meetup.com/ - join a local walking group, there's always some filthy fanny on those.

I take it from your vernacular you from the UK? Sounds like it's time for a NeoGAF UK Summit.

We all meet up, a place with the best ladies (Manchester girls man...Manchester girls), drink, get merry, go to a bar or club and get you all wingman'ed up.

You can pretend to be my Son and you can wingman me the girls who like a cute older Dad figure. It's a win. win. ;)
 

Star-Lord

Gold Member
Plus on the side I would hit up internet dating sites, I even hit up a bunch of random women on craigslist classified (too bad that doesnt exist anymore) and did everything🍆[eyes wide open]
It does, it’s just been renamed to Tinder.
 
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INC

Member
I was writing from a phone last night, so my thoughts were a bit rushed and random.

But you said you were 35/36 really rang a bell for me.

Public forum exclusive....I lost my virginity at 34. (you can all laugh, I can take it). I was the nearly 35 year old Virgin.

Wasn't through want of trying, but I'd had bad cystic Acne since I was 15. I'm talking really bad, that shreds any ounce of confidence you have. But as the years went on, the treatments got better so did my skin and so did my confidence.

35 onwards was non-stop partying and shagging to make up for lost time. I can't remember the names or the faces of most of them. Get the Manscaping kit out, refresh your wardrobe, treat yourself to a luxury cologne and keep your Dog, if she doesn't like your Dog, John Wick her arse!. Paint your pad for a new look, give everything in your life a spring clean. 35 onwards...you are going to KILL IT!

But the most important advice I can give you, or anyone is that life really is like a box of Forrest Gump's Chocolates.

My highs and lows:

20s - Mother died suddenly of cancer. 6 months later my Dad hanged himself in grief. And fuck me, it doesn't get any worse than walking in and finding your Dad dead that way. I didn't work for 5 years. I was too destroyed. Pro-Tip: If you ever have a life-changing experience like that and need to cover a period on your CV, don't come up with bollocks like you were travelling overseas, just do what I did and say you had your own business and pay someone to make a professional website for that business and register the company. :) Other than those dreadful events the only thing I did of any interest was partaking in console wars on NeoGaf. If anyone remembers the green Xbox dancing Bananas, that was me. For someone who loves clubbing I missed out on the prime era of 90's / 00's dance which does make me sad sometimes.

30s - finally had my epiphany I was wasting my life and went to a social meet up for single people in London. I remember that day, it totally changed my life, I'd booked a place but decided that I wasn't going to go. Who would want to be friends with a loser like me. But as luck would have it I'd been clothes shopping that and decided to walk home in the evening...which took me right past the venue where this social event was taking place....nah...walked past, but a little naggy bird on my shoulder told me to go back. Best decision I ever made. I made friends who I'm still friends with today. It was in Farringdon, two scousers persuaded me to go to Fabric next door, I ditched the shopping and ended up stumbling out at 7.00am the next morning. It changed my life! From then on met loads of new people, made loads of new friends. The Caterpillar really did become the Butterfly.

40s - Got married twice. Got divorced twice. Got taken to hospital three times for drug overdoses, including technically dying in the ambulance when my heart stopped. In retrospect, I probably was trying too hard to make up for lost time. I note you said you don't want to turn to drink or drugs, stick with that decision. Don't get me wrong, if you're going clubbing, there's nothing wrong with a cheeky tag-along from Mandy, but everything else will drain your money and fuck your brain up. Stay clean. Stay healthy. The worst stuff I've been clean from for a year now, a year this month. But as anyone who saw my ridiculous Crystal Meth post, once in the drug world, it's always there as a grim temptation. Had the best job ever. Got sacked from the best job ever, in retrospect, probably because I wasn't thinking straight because of the drugs. If you think certain friends are a drain and dragging you down, they probably are. And a whole lot of clubbing. I must have danced to the Moon and back in steps and I loved every moment of it.

50s - A lot of reflection. Happiness and disappointment.

Would have kids changed my life? Probably not, I'm too selfish. I barely have enough time for the PS5 as it is.

Should I have treated my wives differently? Wife No.1 definitely. Wife No.2 no.

Could I have put more effort into furthering my career? Absolutely. But here's the thing, I like being a backroom boy. Pay me to 9 to 5. I'll do your shit and I'll do it well. But kissing arse and brown-nosing to get up the ladder, that's not me. And I hate meetings.

This takes me to today. Started week on a high very happy, ending it on a low of I made a mistake at work that's put me in the firing line. Somewhat unfairly given the nature of the work. Those Forrest Gump chocolates man...

I'd highly recommend meetup.com - https://www.meetup.com/ - join a local walking group, there's always some filthy fanny on those.

I take it from your vernacular you from the UK? Sounds like it's time for a NeoGAF UK Summit.

We all meet up, a place with the best ladies (Manchester girls man...Manchester girls), drink, get merry, go to a bar or club and get you all wingman'ed up.

You can pretend to be my Son and you can wingman me the girls who like a cute older Dad figure. It's a win. win. ;)

I'm extremely cute tbh xx

Gotta say this thread read through it, shows the world ain't that bad, bunch of strangers all being there.

I'm quite drunk ATM, and talking to few girls on tinder, feels odd like I'm cheating, but fuck it. Nice to know that I've still sort of got it, I just have no game, I haven't flirted for nearly 20 years lol
 
I'm extremely cute tbh xx

Gotta say this thread read through it, shows the world ain't that bad, bunch of strangers all being there.

I'm quite drunk ATM, and ta, feels odd like

Go on Resident Advisor. Book yourself a ticket to your local club. I've had best nights going on my own. Got too many clubbing friends who want to spend the whole night moaning what side to dance or complaining about the rest of the clientle. It's 9.30. Good shit starts at 12. Dress up. Get ready! It's Friday night baby.
 

Star-Lord

Gold Member
I'm quite drunk ATM, and talking to few girls on tinder, feels odd like I'm cheating, but fuck it.
She left you. As far as moving on goes, it’s fair game. She didn’t want to hang around, so why should you care about her feelings? Get out there, dip that wick, and enjoy being free for a while.
 

INC

Member
She left you. As far as moving on goes, it’s fair game. She didn’t want to hang around, so why should you care about her feelings? Get out there, dip that wick, and enjoy being free for a while.

I'm old skool values, and even tho she's gone, marriage means loyalty, mug I know lol

But yeh I'm nearly at the fuck you mind frame now. Plus some of the women I'm speaking to are nicer and fitter and actually wanna engage with me, so fuck it

It's a slow process, just good practice just to speak to women, as said not use it, because when I'm in relationship, I'm with th only, because I know what being fucked over feels like......

In this day and ages, these morals are hard to find
 

Star-Lord

Gold Member
In this day and ages, these morals are hard to find
You know what I’ve been through. You know how bitter and twisted I’ve become. I would say try to avoid ending up like me but, honestly, you need to learn to put certain barriers up to stop yourself getting hurt. On the flip side, you need to learn to lower other barriers - in this case, morals. Fuck morals. They get us nowhere. We follow our moral compass and where’s it lead us? Heartache. So fuck life, fuck morals. When life gives you morals, go fuck shit up.
 
You know what I’ve been through. You know how bitter and twisted I’ve become. I would say try to avoid ending up like me but, honestly, you need to learn to put certain barriers up to stop yourself getting hurt. On the flip side, you need to learn to lower other barriers - in this case, morals. Fuck morals. They get us nowhere. We follow our moral compass and where’s it lead us? Heartache. So fuck life, fuck morals. When life gives you morals, go fuck shit up.

Old School Reaction GIF
 

nush

Member
I'm extremely cute tbh xx

Gotta say this thread read through it, shows the world ain't that bad, bunch of strangers all being there.

I'm quite drunk ATM, and talking to few girls on tinder, feels odd like I'm cheating, but fuck it. Nice to know that I've still sort of got it, I just have no game, I haven't flirted for nearly 20 years lol
You don't flirt, you just ask if they want to Netflix and chill. Maybe send a dick pic if she asked for one.

Boom, balls deep in new fanny. Don't forget to wrap it up
 

McCheese

Member
You know what I’ve been through. You know how bitter and twisted I’ve become. I would say try to avoid ending up like me but, honestly, you need to learn to put certain barriers up to stop yourself getting hurt. On the flip side, you need to learn to lower other barriers - in this case, morals. Fuck morals. They get us nowhere. We follow our moral compass and where’s it lead us? Heartache. So fuck life, fuck morals. When life gives you morals, go fuck shit up.

Your comment cracks me up because your username is just "Chris" like... fuck rules, fuck the system, then the forum was like "enter your username" and you were like shit, better put in my real first name.
 

Star-Lord

Gold Member
Your comment cracks me up because your username is just "Chris" like... fuck rules, fuck the system, then the forum was like "enter your username" and you were like shit, better put in my real first name.
Wouldn’t me entering my real name be classed as revolting against the system? Like, the system WANTS me to choose a fancy username like HugeWang or shit, and I’m like nah, fuck that, it’s fucking Chris.
 
Am I wrong? All life, and people within that life, fuck you over consistently. Why should I care about people’s feelings when they don’t give a fuck about mine? It’s self-destructive, but in the best way.

My last boss was a office sneak. For 9 years gossip monger central for secrets "he found in photocopier". I accidentally clicked on a file I shouldn't have seen after 10 years loyal service and he grassed me up and got me sacked. Only 6 months before he came to my wedding reception and chowed down a full meal next to me and my wife. Trust noone.
 

nush

Member
Wouldn’t me entering my real name be classed as revolting against the system? Like, the system WANTS me to choose a fancy username like HugeWang or shit, and I’m like nah, fuck that, it’s fucking Chris.
Chris rhymes with piss.
 

22•22

Doesnt need recognition
I’m as cuntish in real life as I am on here.

Who doesn’t like a cunt?

No you aren't. Sometimes perhaps.
Same goes for me; asshole city sometimes... Text based conversation is so inefficient and bottom tier.
 
I’m as cuntish in real life as I am on here.

Who doesn’t like a cunt?

Stephen Fry once argued Fuck was the greatest word in the English language. I'd argue it's actually Cunt. But in the honest thoughts of now cancelled Joss Whedon, only the British should be allowed to use it. American cunt.

Actually I'm being hard on Joss. He did introduce Mewing Quim into my lexicon.

tom hiddleston loki GIF
 
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Star-Lord

Gold Member
No you aren't. Sometimes perhaps.
Same goes for me; asshole city sometimes... Text based conversation is so inefficient and bottom tier.
Oh, I am. I’m not trying to be bashful and dig for compliments. I genuinely am a cunt, but I’m okay with that. I’d rather be a cunt than a sheep.
 

lachesis

Member
I read this OP late last night - gave me a lot of reflection on my own experience. I wish you well, OP.

I went thru very similar situation. It really does take toll on you. It's been like 4 years now. I think I am doing much better than before.
My marriage was 15 years, and last 1 year was pretty horrible, filled with lies and back-stabbing notices and ultimatums.
That was.. like 4 years ago. I think I lost like 35 lbs back then, within 2-3 months.

OP, Take one step at a time. Day by day. Breath in, breath out. Don't think much. If you do - only think about your immediate pleasure and good.
Remember, sun rises again tomorrow.

As time goes on, you may be able think about what had happened in more objective way. For me - even after 4 years - I have to be honest that it's tough, because the betrayal is such thing - but now the anger is pretty much gone.
It sometimes still hurts my gut, but usually only last for a few seconds - not days.

I do see her every once in a while due to child care arrangement (I was able to procure 50/50... but had to spend a lot of money to get there) - and I don't really talk to her unless it's about our child - but when I do see her, I feel like as if I'm seeing someone that I don't know. In a way, she is a person that I don't know anymore. I knew her before, but she's a different person. So am I. I am a different person now. I am a different person from a few minutes ago... as in buddhist teaching.
As strangers, I don't have to like or dislike her either, and other than she gave birth my child, she has no meaning to me.

On top of that, once the most beautiful girl that I knew and loved, is now looking like a Korean Nancy Pelosi. Yikes.

I have no regret as I did as best as I could, fought as best as I could. It turns out - being alone and drama free isn't as bad as I feared.
I've not had sex for 5 years now, as I don't really have any interest in relationship, and sex without love isn't something that I don't enjoy much - which I learned from my younger days.
Plenty of one nights with beautiful ladies, but felt so hollow and sinful afterwards, which I vowed never to do. And as I'm nearing my 50, the sex drive isn't any primary motivation for me to do anything.

Everything has consequences - so don't look back in regret of shoulda woulda coudla. Focus on what you, and you only want to do, not "should" do by anyone's standard.
 


4th weekend in a row of staying in. I thought post Corona would be a hedonistic rush. I did one Peach Reunion at Steelyard in London. But since then...nah. most excitement I'll get this evening will be unlocking a new weapon colour in Aliens Fireteam and it will be glorious.
 
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borborygmus

Member
You're not a mug. Standards are good as long as they are reasonable, and yours are reasonable. Search for what you want.

People with lower standards will always try to convince you to abandon yours because it gives them validation. Do not get your morals from randos on the Internet. Determine what you believe is right and pursue that.
 
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Star-Lord

Gold Member
So got a date next week.
Are we talking about an actual date or a hit it and quit it date? Either way, in my opinion, it’s too soon to be looking for something more long term. Right now you just need to get out there and tap as much ass as possible.
 

INC

Member
Are we talking about an actual date or a hit it and quit it date? Either way, in my opinion, it’s too soon to be looking for something more long term. Right now you just need to get out there and tap as much ass as possible.

It's a date, just taking a lady out for dinner, I have no expectations apart from interaction and company, I'm not looking for a relationship or even a leg over, just getting back in the saddle.
 

Star-Lord

Gold Member
It's a date, just taking a lady out for dinner, I have no expectations apart from interaction and company, I'm not looking for a relationship or even a leg over, just getting back in the saddle.
Yeah, I get that. I don’t know, if I were you, and if I weren’t asexual, I’d be wanting to get out and get as much tail as possible. But that’s just me.
 
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