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Recommend what I should do with my life and I'll possibly do it...

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D

Dr_Boris_Goltz

Banned
I'm nearing 29 and I have done nothing. I decided to start being very honest with myself, and I want to make a thread here asking for direction.

So here's my situation:

I live at home still... Never moved out.
Diagnosed with major depression and anxiety (both medicated and managed).
Graduated high school in 2005, have most of my general ed finished via community college, but I'm way behind on math and I'm terrified of communications.
I'm overweight... I once lost 70 pounds but I slowly gained it back.
I had a single girlfriend for over a year and I mostly hated being in that relationship.
I went a very, very long time without a job. I worked IT at a college, quit to go back to school, but then ended up doing nothing for nearly 4 years.
I currently do basic design work (CorelDraw) for a trophy store. Been at this job for over 6 months and they pay me nearly nothing.
I'm not really unhappy, just apathetic. Everything feels mediocre.

So tell me what to do... I have no idea anymore. I always thought of this future version of myself being something, but it's dawning on me that I'm nearing 30... I AM that future self, and I'm still the same person... kind of a wastoid.
 
Z

zeemumu

Member
Crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and hear the lamentation of the women. That's what's best.

Real answer: just pick up a hobby. Learn something. Any random useful skill, like car repair or archery. Basically, join a real life Fandom as long as it's not a terrorist organization or a cult
 
F

FZZ

Banned
Exercise, eat healthier, join a service corps, try to keep yourself occupied with friends, family, etc.

I mean if you post your whole resume maybe people could tell you what jobs to apply for, but this is my basic resolution right now.
 
I

iMax

Member
A great thing you can do is just plan. If you've got goals, set them out. Once they're there in black and white facing you, it's difficult to deviate from them. Jump out of yourself and you can do anything.
 
E

Escape Goat

Member
iMax said:
A great thing you can do is just plan. If you've got goals, set them out. Once they're there in black and white facing you, it's difficult to deviate from them. Jump out of yourself and you can do anything.
Click to expand...

What this guy said. Write out your goals and break each one into several smaller steps. Cross them off the list as you complete them. The visual of making progress will reinforce your momentum.
 
T

TomShoe

Banned
I feel for you OP. Have you read about "No More Zero Days?" I remember reading it and it helped me turn around my life and go to college.

Here it is, if you want to read it.

Ouch. Sounds like you're having a tough time max. That sucks. I've been there, so I kinda know what you're talking about. I've been in the ever circling vortex of self doubt, frustration, and loathing. It's no bueno. I know. If you don't mind lemme tell you a couple things. You can read em if you want, read em again later if you feel like it. But honestly man, if I spend all this time typing this out to you and you don't let it be a little tinder for your fire, well, you're just letting us both down. And you don't HAVE to do that. You don't HAVE to do anything. But you get to choose.

(Who am I? My name’s Ryan and I live in Canada. Just moved to a new city for a dream job that I got because of the rules below. I owe a lot of my success to people much cooler, kinder, more loving and greater than me. When I get the chance to maybe let a little bit of help out, it’s a way of thanking them. )

Rule numero uno - There are no more zero days. What's a zero day? A zero day is when you don't do a single fucking thing towards whatever dream or goal or want or whatever that you got going on. No more zeros. I'm not saying you gotta bust an essay out everyday, that's not the point. The point I'm trying to make is that you have to make yourself, promise yourself, that the new SYSTEM you live in is a NON-ZERO system. Didnt' do anything all fucking day and it's 11:58 PM? Write one sentence. One pushup. Read one page of that chapter. One. Because one is non zero. You feel me? When you're in the super vortex of being bummed your pattern of behaviour is keeping the vortex goin, that's what you're used to. Turning into productivity ultimate master of the universe doesn't happen from the vortex. It happens from a massive string of CONSISTENT NON ZEROS. That's rule number one. Do not forget.

La deuxieme regle - yeah i learnt french. its a canadian thing. please excuse the lack of accent graves, but lemme get into rule number 2. BE GRATEFUL TO THE 3 YOU'S. Uh what? 3 me's? That sounds like mumbo jumbo bullshit. News flash, there are three you's homeslice. There's the past you, the present you, and the future you. If you wanna love someone and have someone love you back, you gotta learn to love yourself, and the 3 you's are the key. Be GRATEFUL to the past you for the positive things you've done. And do favours for the future you like you would for your best bro. Feeling like shit today? Stop a second, think of a good decision you made yesterday. Salad and tuna instead of Big Mac? THANK YOU YOUNGER ME. Was yesterday a nonzero day because you wrote 200 words (hey, that's all you could muster)? THANK YOU YOUNGER ME. Saved up some coin over time to buy that sweet thing you wanted? THANK YOU. Second part of the 3 me's is you gotta do your future self a favour, just like you would for your best fucking friend (no best friend? you do now. You got 2. It's future and past you). Tired as hell and can't get off reddit/videogames/interwebs? fuck you present self, this one's for future me, i'm gonna rock out p90x Ab Ripper X for 17 minutes. I'm doing this one for future me. Alarm clock goes off and bed is too comfy? fuck you present self, this one's for my best friend, the future me. I'm up and going for a 5 km run (or 25 meter run, it's gotta be non zero). MAKE SURE YOU THANK YOUR OLD SELF for rocking out at the end of every.single.thing. that makes your life better. The cycle of doing something for someone else (future you) and thanking someone for the good in your life (past you) is key to building gratitude and productivity. Do not doubt me. Over time you should spread the gratitude to others who help you on your path.
Rule number 3- don't worry i'm gonna too long didnt' read this bad boy at the bottom (get a pencil and piece of paper to write it down. seriously. you physically need to scratch marks on paper) FORGIVE YOURSELF. I mean it. Maybe you got all the know-how, money, ability, strength and talent to do whatever is you wanna do. But lets say you still didn't do it. Now you're giving yourself shit for not doing what you need to, to be who you want to. Heads up champion, being dissapointed in yourself causes you to be less productive. Tried your best to have a nonzero day yesterday and it failed? so what. I forgive you previous self. I forgive you. But today? Today is a nonzero masterpiece to the best of my ability for future self. This one's for you future homes. Forgiveness man, use it. I forgive you. Say it out loud.

Last rule. Rule number 4, is the easiest and its three words. exercise and books. that's it. Pretty standard advice but when you exercise daily you actually get smarter. when you exercise you get high from endorphins (thanks body). when you exercise you clear your mind. when you exercise you are doing your future self a huge favour. Exercise is a leg on a three legged stool. Feel me? As for books, almost every fucking thing we've all ever thought of, or felt, or gone through, or wanted, or wanted to know how to do, or whatever, has been figured out by someone else. Get some books max. Post to reddit about not caring about yourself? Good first step! (nonzero day, thanks younger me for typing it out) You know what else you could do? Read 7 habits of highly successful people. Read "emotional intelligence". Read "From good to great". Read “thinking fast and slow”. Read books that will help you understand. Read the bodyweight fitness reddit and incorporate it into your workouts. (how's them pullups coming?) Reading is the fucking warp whistle from Super Mario 3. It gets you to the next level that much faster.
That’s about it man. There’s so much more when it comes to how to turn nonzero days into hugely nonzero days, but that’s not your mission right now. Your mission is nonzero and forgiveness and favours. You got 36 essays due in 24 minutes and its impossible to pull off? Your past self let you down big time, but hey… I forgive you. Do as much as you can in those 24 minutes and then move on.

I hope I helped a little bit max. I could write about this forever, but I promised myself I would go do a 15 minute run while listening to A. Skillz Beats Working Vol. 3. Gotta jet. One last piece of advice though. Regardless of whether or not reading this for the first time helps make your day better, if you wake up tomorrow, and you can’t remember the 4 rules I just laid out, please, please. Read this again.
Have an awesome fucking day ☺

tldr; 1. Nonzero days as much as you can. 2. The three you’s, gratitude and favours. 3. Forgiveness 4. Exercise and books (which is a sneaky way of saying self improvement, both physical, emotional and mental)

Edit: Wow reddit gold? Thanks! No idea what to do with it or whats the deal but many thanks!

Edit2: Someone asked what I meant by "much more when it comes to how to turn nonzero days into hugely nonzero days". The long and short of it is a simple truth, but it's tough to TOTALLY UNDERSTAND AND PRACTICE. It's this: you become what you think. This doesnt mean if I think of a tree, I'll be oakin' it by august. It means that the WAY you think, the THINGS you think of, and the IDEAS YOU HOLD IN YOUR MIND defines the sum total that is you. You procrastinate all the time and got fear and worry goin on for something? You are becoming a procrastinator. You keep thinking about how much you want to run that 5 k race in the spring and finish a champion? Are ya keeping it in mind all the time? Is it something that is defining your ACTIONS and influencing you DECISIONS? If it is, then you're becoming the champion you're dreaming about. Dreaming about it makes it. Think and it shall be. But do not forget that action is thought's son. Thoughts without actions are nothing. Have faith in whatever it is you've steeled your mind to. Have faith and follow through with action.

Ok, Ryan that's a bunch of nice words n shit, but how does that help me turn slightly nonzero days into hugely nonzero days. Do you believe all these words you just read? Does it makes sense to you that you BECOME WHAT YOU THINK OF? Ask yourself: What do I think of? When you get home and walk in the door. (how quickly did you turn that laptop on? Did turning it on make you closer to your dreams? What would?) At the bus stop. Lunch break. What direction are you focusing your intentions on? If you're like I was a few years ago, the answer was either No direction, or whatever caught my eye at the moment. But no stress, forgive yourself. You know the truth now. And knowing the truth means you can watch your habits, read books on how you think and act, and finally start changing your behaviour. Heres an example: Feeling like bunk cause you had zero days or barely nonzero days? THINK ABOUT WHAT YOURE DOING. and change just a little bit more. in whatever positive direction you are choosing to go.

7xsp7hJ.png
 
L

LeroyPantwether

Member
Dakota oil job.

Consider this:

- you'll make good money
- aquire an achieved sense of worth by being part of a team
- learn independence by finally leaving your parents' house
- improve you social skills by having to work and live with people from all walks of life
 
J

jackal27

Banned
Go get involved in some social work, stat. Keep yourself busy enough to take the focus off of yourself. Helping other people gives you so much encouragement to get your own life together for their sake as well.
 
B

Beren the Empty-Handed

Member
Graffgor said:
Everything feels mediocre.
Click to expand...

You put the real issue last in the list. That's what you need to change. And it's an outlook issue, meaning the only one who can change that is you. The only way I know of beating that particular problem is to start by going out into the world. Not necessarily traveling, but just do stuff (out of your house). If it's a hobby, cool. But it could be conquering a fear, making a list of things you'd like to try or do and doing them, exploring a side of yourself you've left dormant... Find an impulse, and follow it (stay physically safe, obviously. you don't need to stay in your personal safety zone, however). New experiences are the best way to change your outlook, but you have to go out and have them first.
 
E

EatinOlives

Member
The toughest part IMO will be the apathy. I could tell you to go to trade school to become an electrician, which is a career that pays quite well and it skips over most of the college bullshit. But if you have no motivation it'll be like you're walking around with cement shoes.

I don't know what to tell you on that. I had a big problem with motivation for a long time and I'm getting considerably better now but I honestly have no idea why that is.
 
Damerman

Damerman

Member
Graffgor said:
I'm nearing 29 and way behind on math... That would take ages.
Click to expand...
No faker words have ever been spoken. At 29 you have all the time you need. Math is the universal language of the universe... I feel like i'm missing out not fully understanding what scientists mean when they say this... I use that as motivation to learn it and apply it. It just so happenes that applying it in a profession and seeing it work is as satisfying as an orgasm and you get paid for it.
 
way more

way more

Member
Walk the earth and help your fellow man, like Caine from Kung Fu: The Legend Continues. Learn Kung Fu first.
 
I

iMax

Member
Damerman said:
No faker words have ever been spoken. At 29 you have all the time you need. Math is the universal language of the universe... I feel like i'm missing out not fully understanding what scientists mean when they say this... I use that as motivation to learn it and apply it. It just so happenes that applying it in a profession and seeing it work is as satisfying as an orgasm and you get paid for it.
Click to expand...

brb just gonna quickly do some quadratics
 
Cheeseman Battitude

Cheeseman Battitude

Member
Life is too short to worry about achieving certain things by a certain age. Also, the world's economy is fucked and many people can't afford to buy their own houses and can't move out. People have all kinds of circumstances, so trust me, you're not alone.

Do what you like to do. Do what makes you feel comfortable and happy. And in time your mood will improve. Exercise really does help, especially if you can fit it into your daily routine so that you're not using your free time for it. I make sure I can go out for a walk at lunchtime at work as often as possible. Usually it's every day.

I've had to pull myself up from a recent low point and it's definitely hard not to fall victim to the negative emotions when you know your're not in a good place. For me, once I got into a routine of mood changing activities I started to remember how I felt when I was feeling good about myself, and that feeling was my target. At first I was impatient and wanted it to happen in 5 minutes but as time has gone on I realise it doesn't work like that. But now I look back to how I was 6 months ago or a year ago and realise that I've come a long way. And you can too.
 
Q

Qblivion

Member
Go back to school. Learn a trade. Many of them don't require advanced math. You wont be living the high life by any means, but you will make a comfortable living.
 
A

Alphahawk

Member
CaptainGyro said:
You graduated high school in 2005 but you're 29? So you were 24 when you graduated high school? It's only 2010 right now
Click to expand...

What are you even talking about dude?

Anyway I would go over to the community college and speak with an advisor, it's possible you have enough math credits to get a degree in something or else you might need as few as one credit.
 
C

Calabi

Member
zeemumu said:
Crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and hear the lamentation of the women. That's what's best.

Real answer: just pick up a hobby. Learn something. Any random useful skill, like car repair or archery. Basically, join a real life Fandom as long as it's not a terrorist organization or a cult
Click to expand...

Yes hobbies are good. Try everything and see what sticks.
 
N

Nakho

Member
zeemumu said:
Crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and hear the lamentation of the women. That's what's best.

Real answer: just pick up a hobby. Learn something. Any random useful skill, like car repair or archery. Basically, join a real life Fandom as long as it's not a terrorist organization or a cult
Click to expand...

This. Every few months I keep changing interests. Right now, I'm learning Japanese, last year I was learning the guitar, also last year I got really into science fiction... Just keep rotating things so life doesn't get boring.
 
BennyBlanco

BennyBlanco

aka IMurRIVAL69
Honest advice that will get you out of your parents house ASAP: try to get a govt/ state job. Of my group of friends, the one that makes the most money is a guy who works for the MTA and just has a high school diploma. He's been there for years and works hard but the guy is making a ton of money.

He is probably an outlier but people working for the post office, in public transit, etc do well for themselves and get good benefits. You could go to school online or at night if you want to do something else eventually, 29 isn't old, but I would probably focus on moving out if I were in your shoes.

Good luck m8.
 
Fury Sense

Fury Sense

Member
I see two objectives here. First is choosing a goal that suits you personally, second is creating an environment in which you can achieve your goal.

You need to put yourself into a scenario where you don’t need to rely on discipline to make progress. If you think the apparently “successful” people got to where they are with discipline & hard work, you’re wrong. Maybe a few did, but most were just in the right place at the right time. That's the fuckin' truth.

You need to find out how to put yourself in that place. Living at home, not being social, fearing that you might be overweight, undereducated, or lack work experience; these things don't help you. Build yourself a system in which you cannot fail.
 
T

TheSeks

Blinded by the luminous glory that is David Bowie's physical manifestation.
I'm kinda in the same situation OP. I've pretty much resigned myself to my shitty life
and kinda stopped eating, heh.
But totally different set of circumstances and I'm not going to air those in public.

a secret-boss said:
Travel around United States then the world
Click to expand...

With what money? OP (unless he said different) doesn't have a job, or has one that is barely paying him well. As someone in a similar situation, it's kinda hard to take the time off and book a plane ticket and hotel for a week off/etc. if you are getting paid peanuts for your work.

BennyBlanco said:
Honest advice that will get you out of your parents house ASAP: try to get a govt/ state job. Of my group of friends, the one that makes the most money is a guy who works for the MTA and just has a high school diploma. He's been there for years and works hard but the guy is making a ton of money.
Click to expand...

I dunno about that. I'm working a state job (kinda, it's county) but not getting paid enough to be independent.

I mean a state job will have some benefits but I wouldn't say it's a sure-fire slam-dunk. I've been in the position I've been in for about 3 years now and I have no inkling of a progress/promotion in my future due to numerous bullshit factors from higher-ups.

----

Anyyyyway, OP: I've kinda decided to go back to school (I'm still waffling on it due to LOL LOANS/FUNDS ETC) and I'd suggest that if you think that's the route you want to go. If not (and it's completely possible to not go this route, but harder) you might want to find a job/etc.

But that's only if you can motivate yourself. Which, as someone in a similar situation: I know that's really fucking hard to motivate yourself. Double so when you go to online job boards (or city hall) and try to find "high-school diploma max" starter/entry jobs that require college degrees or like <X> years experince. It gets you in a rut of "well why fucking bother?" But the only thing you can do is attempt to shake it off</Tay-Tay pun not intended>.
 
D

Dr_Boris_Goltz

Banned
I'm reading through the replies but I feel the need to add some more bulletpoints:

My dad is a verbally abusive maniac.

My mom has untreated depression and gave up entirely on life at only 66.

My brother and sister both have addiction problems. Brother is currently off alcohol and hard drugs but smokes pot nonstop, and my sister is off heavy drugs but is a big drunk.

I live with all of the above.
 
V

Ventara

Member
Learn a different language. Preferably for a country you'd like to visit. Might even provide some job opportunities.

Edit: Try your best to move out. I know it may feel like you're abandoning your family, but you can't save someone else if you can't save yourself.

Edit 2: Obviously, you'll need to get a better job, so start searching. Even working at a fast food joint should be better.
 
T

TheSeks

Blinded by the luminous glory that is David Bowie's physical manifestation.
Graffgor said:
I'm reading through the replies but I feel the need to add some more bulletpoints:

My dad is a verbally abusive maniac.

My mom has untreated depression and gave up entirely on life at only 66.

My brother and sister both have addiction problems. Brother is currently off alcohol and hard drugs but smokes pot nonstop, and my sister is off heavy drugs but is a big drunk.

I live with all of the above.
Click to expand...

Their problems != your problems. If you want to go back to school, then Here's a start. You can even find a major on that site that appeals and then drill down to particular colleges and stuff you want from colleges to find one(s) you want to go to.

Next would be signing up here for funding and doing the foot work for things not listed on that website based on your disability/health history/academics/etc.

If you're looking to get out of the house quickly, it's time to motivate yourself to apply (and APPLY FULL-TIME 24/7 until you get otherwise) Online/in public/etc. everywhere you can go for a job and a decent paying job to support yourself.

Again: As someone that is in the similar boat as you: Your first step is to get yourself an idea of what you want to do. What do you want to do, OP? You can't simply say "IDK" because as someone that has said that numerous times to various people: It isn't going to solve your "IDK" problem. You yourself have to have an inkling of a clue/stab in the dark of what you want to stab for.
 
M

Mr.Swag

Banned
Graffgor said:
I'm reading through the replies but I feel the need to add some more bulletpoints:

My dad is a verbally abusive maniac.

My mom has untreated depression and gave up entirely on life at only 66.

My brother and sister both have addiction problems. Brother is currently off alcohol and hard drugs but smokes pot nonstop, and my sister is off heavy drugs but is a big drunk.

I live with all of the above.
Click to expand...

Leave them.
Move somewhere and start from scratch
 
Z

Zoned

Actively hates charity
OP why don't you work retail or something? At least you'll be paid better. Also move out from that house of maniacs.
 
K

Komo

Banned
If you can, I'd recommend getting as physically healthy as possible. Develop an exercise routine and switch to healthier eating habits.

You'll have something to work towards, so you may not feel as depressed, if at all. Once you've achieved it, your goal is to continue maintaining it, and you'll start to feel a sense of achievement, which = less depression = more confidence = happier living
 
I

Iph

Banned
You Are Viewtiful said:
I read life as wife. x_x
Click to expand...

Perv. :p

Get on top of your health Graffgor. Really focus on it. Make you and your health your top priority- start building up, eating better, cooking, stay hydrated, exercise, schedule, etc. Then start putting your time into hobbies that also allow you to meet and make good friends with similar interests. I know you've had a rough time with a lot over the last while and we all want to see you be happier, healthier and more confident with your self and place in life. Keep at it and things will come along. You got this!
 
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