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Embarrassment Is the Worst Emotion

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Letterbomb said:
Pretty soon I hear the car pull up so I get in position. I drew a quick mock up for you guys to help the visuals.
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Letterbomb said:
rbOF4oW.png
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See, the Nate thing was funny because it was subtle...

This, though...
 
Letterbomb said:
Fuck me. I am dead today.

Girlfriend lives with her family still, but I've come to know her family and really love them. I hang out there all the time and periodically help her parents with their side business, so I was given a spare key to the place. Well, today their family went out to Temecula for wine tasting, and the plan was for them to stay in a hotel overnight so they could see a show close to there the next day. My girlfriend didn't go because she had work, and she was working till late. I decided I was going to surprise her when she got home with my bare ass naked self. See her and I usually make fun of those hilariously-not-so-sexy sexy poses that you often see in shows or movies, and when it's just her and I fooling around, sometimes we make that pose and exaggerate it as much as we can. We sort of made a contest out of who can outdo the last pose. So I had an idea for a good one. Well it seemed good.

First thing you see when you open her door is the staircase and the railings. The start of her railings has that ball sort of starting pillar, so I thought, what the fuck, it'd be hilarious if I balanced myself on the railings and rested my ass on the ball, pointing to the door. I have a really hairy ass that my girlfriend makes fun of, so I had the idea to spread the fuckers out to high heaven and put the hairy goodness on display. So I get to her place about fifteen minutes before she'd be home and wait for her. Pretty soon I hear the car pull up so I get in position. I drew a quick mock up for you guys to help the visuals. As soon as the knob turns I open wide, straining my neck in a weird ostrich-like way upward for whatever comedic effect, and shout "MAYBE A RIMJOB FOR GOOD MEASURE!" (That's another inside joke...Couldn't explain it properly if I tried.)

I turn my head. It's her family. Her mom actually dropped her keys. My heart sank and I could almost feel my butthole swallow the ballknob as it cringed. My reputation with them is forever ruined and I will never be able to erase their reactions from my mind. The mom started cussing at me and the dad just kept staring. Her sister (2 years younger than my girlfriend, who is 21) went into hysterics and fell on the floor laughing. These three different ranges of emotions led my already fry-fucked brain to even more confusion, and all I could think to say was, "Well why the fuck are you in this house?" I said it just like that, like there was another house that they should have rather been in or something. Best part is my girlfriend is still working... She got called in for extra time. So although I'm sure her parents have told her what happened, and she may have seen the many texts I've been sending her, I have no idea what her response to this whole thing is.

Bottom line is that what I'm feeling right now is literally the worst feeling I think I'm capable of feeling. I feel destroyed. I'd rather be angry or sad or something but nope I'm just fucking devastated. Thanks for listening GAF.
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You just made my day though
KuGsj.gif
KuGsj.gif
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It's like your life is a Seth Rogen film.
 
I haven't laughed this much in a long time hahaha. I sympathize with you OP but this is pure gold.

I respect ur opinion. Stay strong, have a nice life. Bye.
 
The first thing I'd do as soon as your girlfriend comes back is to beg her forgiveness and... maybe a rimjob for good measure too.
 
Letterbomb said:
These three different ranges of emotions led my already fry-fucked brain to even more confusion, and all I could think to say was, "Well why the fuck are you in this house?" I said it just like that, like there was another house that they should have rather been in or something.
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This is the line that killed me. Lol this too funny! XD
 
If you get married to this girl, be prepared for this story to come up often for the rest of your life.

Probably on the wedding day. And every Christmas.
 
OP, you seriously have to get over it. What you did was probably something a writer would come up with for a romantic comedy.

But I'm sure you will. This is definitely one of those "look back on it and laugh" type of stories.
 
I don't even.....

All I can say is that if you manage to survive all of this, you will have evolved into a higher being that has eliminated the emotion called embarassment from its existence.

Literally nothing should be able to embarass you after this.
 
MIMIC said:
OP, you seriously have to get over it. What you did was probably something a writer would come up with for a romantic comedy.

But I'm sure you will. This is definitely one of those "look back on it and laugh" type of stories.
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Letterbomb to be played by Jason Segel
 
Madrin said:
What exactly am I looking at here? The perspective is like a rejected Picasso painting. Do you have an ass attached to your neck in this picture or am I seeing this wrong?
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Hahaha. Oh man.

The combination of a the smiling face, the neck-ass, the random circle that encompasses the neck-ass, and the stick legs make for a fucking hilarious picture.
 
JohnDoe said:
Considering OP has a very hairy ass I think Seth Rogen would be a better pick.
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Also very good choice.


Anyway, the reason I don't find this story believable is...

1. What are the chances the family comes home at the exact moment the GF is due home?
2. And that the GF was asked to stay late to work?
3. And that the OP didn't at least peek out the window to make sure it was his GF?
 
im dying over here, also take it like a champ walk it off, it was a joke period. im sure that you will laugh at this eventually.
 
I don't even think your girlfriend would laugh if it was only her who came in. What you did is just fucked up, probably would've weirded her out, regardless of intentions. Was she just supposed to see you with the stairs up your ass and get turned on? What were you thinking?
 
Alright, I only have a minor update for now. Didn't get a text from my girlfriend until only a couple hours ago. She asked if I was home and let me know she was coming over after church. I sent back "OK love you babe", which I felt weird about cause it seemed forced or desperate, but I've kind of been freaking out that she thought the worst of me; all I could think was, She's coming over to break up. Well good news is she's not pissed at me, and she won't be leaving me or anything. She even agreed that she would have laughed if it was her who walked through the door. She is pissed at the situation in general and upset that I kind of messed things up with her parents, which I feel like shit for, but there's not much I can do about that except let it sit.

She came over to tell me that her and I will need to go talk with the parents. Her parents already had a little sit down with her this morning and confronted her about our having sex, which she owned up to. Guess her and I won't be allowed in the house alone from here on out. They didn't say anything about my spare key, but really, it's as good as null now. Her mom told her she was disappointed in the both of us and that she wanted to talk to us tonight. After that her mom and dad left for church early so they could seek guidance from the church elders on the situation. She wants to "set things straight" and "make sure she upholds a house of God" and what have you. So it sounds like I'll be getting more than just a pure parental lecture tonight.

Her dad is less pissed than her mom. He was just more shocked I guess. As for her sister, Jordan only got to talk with her for a few minutes this morning, and they didn't really talk on the subject for long. Her sister just came in her room and asked, "Do you want to talk?" I guess my girlfriend was a little teared up after her talk with her parents. She just answered, "No, not really," and they hugged and then started getting ready for church. While Jordan was driving her and her sister to meet up with their parents at church, I guess her sister randomly started cracking up and asked, "So why did he do that?" She got the explanation, but I still won't be able to look her sister in the eyes for a while. And I guess that's all for now. I'll let you know how tonight goes with the parents.
 
This is some next level stuff right here. As funny as it is, this is quite serious tbh. They will now have a mental image imprinted in their minds of your naked, hairy, 23 year old big ass booty.

Or it might work out for you and be something that could be laughed at during family gatherings in the future but this will have a catch because you will literally be the 'butt' of the jokes at family parties.

Keep us posted OP and we will share your struggle
 
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