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Tinder is destroying men’s self-esteem (New York Post)

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Shortness has its advantages. Not having to deal with a large majority of shallow people in the dating pool is a blessing in disguise.

Everyone is shallow. That's the big joke about the height movement. A guy can lambaste a woman for being shallow because she wants a 6'0+ man but then he'll say, "shave your legs", "wear make-up", "why are you fat?!"

Then the argument of "YOU CAN'T CHANGE HEIGHT!!!!" comes in and it's still nonsense because 1) it's a standard whether or not you want to argue and 2) it's not affecting your life like the beauty standards women face.
 
Everyone is shallow. That's the big joke about the height movement. A guy can lambaste a woman for being shallow because she wants a 6'0+ man but then he'll say, "shave your legs", "wear make-up", "why are you fat?!"

Then the argument of "YOU CAN'T CHANGE HEIGHT!!!!" comes in and it's still nonsense because 1) it's a standard whether or not you want to argue and 2) it's not affecting your life like the beauty standards women face.

So basically "Doesn't matter because it doesn't really affect guys...ignoring the studies showing its effects on their mental health"
 

Kinyou

Member
It's way too much shaming going on in this post. Y'all really letting Tinder hurt your self-esteem? Go out, hit the gym, get some muscles, or get a high paying job, roll up to the club bumping this, and proceed to get some numbers.

Really social media dating apps work?
I made a killing on some real estate broker during the recession shit with that one app used Facebook as a hookup app.
I left those days behind and now just frolic on the low philandering discreetly.
BVyi3Zd.jpg
 
Honestly you just have to do it. At the very least go somewhere visually interesting and take selfies there if you don't want to be in group shots. There are like a couple dozen photos of me, ever, but I made sure they weren't just in my room.

I'd also just be real and say something about being an introvert and that you don't find broadcasting yourself a natural thing (I'm guessing, because I'm the same way, but whatever you'd call yourself, own it), and maybe make a funny series of photos of you reading books (showing the covers of your favorites) in strange places. There are so many opportunities.

I do just fine, breh, at least in terms of getting right swipes. I'm just sayin', not every guy has a ton of interesting photos, and tbh, if you're good-looking, there's a decent chance they won't care what's in the background.
 
So basically "Doesn't matter because it doesn't really affect guys...ignoring the studies showing its effects on their mental health"

I'm curious to see these studies that how men are mentally, socially, and financially damaged because of their short height. It always appears to be a very small difference in that every inch means 2.4% increase in pay. Like, where is the damning evidence that short men are financially and socially off-limits? We can show data and anecdotes of how the beauty standard for women has caused many problems but you never see anything about how a 5'6 man's life is engulfed by those tribulations. Whenever height is brought up it's never from the angle of anything truly devastating but "she swiped left" or her profile says "no one under 6'0". How exactly is anyone supposed to care a lot about this movement when it's mostly centered around being rejected?
 

Assanova

Member
You know many of those "lame ass questions" are the cornerstone of face to face interaction, right? There's almost like a PUA culture surrounding messaging women on dating apps/sites... don't ask "lame ass questions," tell her a corny joke or comment on one of her pics that she uploaded 8 months ago so she won't understand wth you're talking about. Yeah, that's the ticket. Since it worked for some guys that's the way to go, right?



You know how many guys on Tinder are probably starting off with "witty banter" and questions related to their stated interests and still getting nothing in response? I'll give you a hint: It's not witty or original when tons of guys are doing it (and believe me, you're not the only one to comment on her theater background or start with a lame joke that was passed around on reddit).

The rule is simple and the rule is law: If the girl is physically attracted to you on Tinder -- a superficial site that doesn't pretend to be anything else -- she'll reply and ask questions herself. If you're at the bottom of her priority list, you're gonna get boring/lame/ignored.

Disclaimer: I am not an expert on how women think, nor do I pretend to be. I do however have yrs of experience behind the scenes w/ this particular industry (analytics included). I've seen what works and what doesn't, and statistically what works best is being the societal ideal (white, in moderate or better shape, without glaring physical flaws). If you've got that going for you then you're set, just take non-boring looking pics and smile and you're in there. Anything else and your odds are significantly lower, to the point that it barely matters what approach you take. It's just statistics: men outnumber women on dating sites by 40:1 and much higher, depending on the site. It's not hard to figure out where the inflated sense of attractiveness (and therefore pickiness/requirements) comes from; essentially a 5/10 irl equates to somewhere around a 7.5/10 online. Somebody mentioned that fat women have it worse than short guys and that's just false. It's probably nothing to do with how the genders think in general, it's just supply and demand.

Online dating works for some people, and as was mentioned recently in this thread (and as we constantly see evidence of) those people dominate the market. A large chunk of everybody else is kind of on the outside looking in and better off going the traditional route... with "lame ass questions" asked in person. That's not to say the rest of the world can't / won't find some success using apps, because whether you're black/asian/short/fat, there's gonna be somebody at some point who thinks you're worth a swipe right. Some of those are going to be niche based (ie suburban white chick who wants a tatted black dude with dreads and will settle for just a black dude for now) and some will just find you attractive. Those are more likely to be the outliers but hey, those are the ones you want to meet anyway.

Edit: As pertains to the thread title, just treat it as a routine and you'll be a-okay. No app in the world should ever affect your self esteem or feeling of worth. If it does, delete it and any other app that makes you feel that way ASAP.

Just wanted to quote this post. It's refreshing to see someone give it straight.
 
I'm curious to see these studies that how men are mentally, socially, and financially damaged because of their short height. It always appears to be a very small difference in that every inch means 2.4% increase in pay. Like, where is the damning evidence that short men are financially and socially off-limits? We can show data and anecdotes of how the beauty standard for women has caused many problems but you never see anything about how a 5'6 man's life is engulfed by those tribulations. Whenever height is brought up it's never from the angle of anything truly devastating but "she swiped left" or her profile says "no one under 6'0". How exactly is anyone supposed to care a lot about this movement when it's mostly centered around being rejected?

There was a thread on why it's okay to make fun of short guys with studies posted and you dismissed them because, in your mind, anecdotes trumped studies. So what's the point in bringing them up again?

There was even one that showed that every inch under average for a guy is the equivalent of ever 12lbs over average for a women in terms of loss of potential earnings. That's not in terms of dating, but again, you'll just handwave it away under your arbitrary standards for what is considered a "significant" difference
 
There was a thread on why it's okay to make fun of short guys with studies posted and you dismissed them because, in your mind, anecdotes trumped studies. So what's the point in bringing them up again?

There was even one that showed that every inch under average for a guy is the equivalent of ever 12lbs over average for a women in terms of loss of potential earnings. That's not in terms of dating, but again, you'll just handwave it away under your arbitrary standards for what is considered a "significant" difference

I dismissed them because you should be able to show with some anecdotes what the impact is. I can show you studies on body image for women and legit results of anorexia, bulimia, etc that all come from the beauty standard. Where are these with regards to men? I was told to watch a documentary but the first thing that appears is "which guy would you date?" Again, I ask you, why should I invest a lot of energy into caring about a movement that seems to only pop up when dating is involved?
 
Yeah, I'm never installing Tinder. I have an over-inflated self ego that could pop at just about any moment.

I'd rather be alone for a while then constantly feel like shit using Tinder.
Famous Last Words

Everyone is shallow. That's the big joke about the height movement. A guy can lambaste a woman for being shallow because she wants a 6'0+ man but then he'll say, "shave your legs", "wear make-up", "why are you fat?!"

Then the argument of "YOU CAN'T CHANGE HEIGHT!!!!" comes in and it's still nonsense because 1) it's a standard whether or not you want to argue and 2) it's not affecting your life like the beauty standards women face.

I mean, I'm not certain, but I'd contest that men's height pops up more than you'd think.

You're right about women having the right to judge shorter men, but men have the right to be frustrated.
 

OCD Guy

Member
Everyone is shallow. That's the big joke about the height movement. A guy can lambaste a woman for being shallow because she wants a 6'0+ man but then he'll say, "shave your legs", "wear make-up", "why are you fat?!"

Then the argument of "YOU CAN'T CHANGE HEIGHT!!!!" comes in and it's still nonsense because 1) it's a standard whether or not you want to argue and 2) it's not affecting your life like the beauty standards women face.

Did you seriously compare a woman shaving her legs, or putting make up to someone being short.

The main difference for me is when people criticize something that can't be changed e.g their height, race, etc

I'm not talking about dating and preferences, that doesn't offend me. But seeing the sort of shit people say online like short men should die etc is disgusting. But apparently no one should be offended about that.

Yet if I said x people (x being something people have no control over) should die, people would be outraged.

Did you see that twitter with all the comments compiled about short people?

It seems equality is only applicable when it suits someone. I remember a "social experiment" a while back on YouTube where a good looking man was walking down the streets and getting harassed, groped etc by women and most people found it acceptable, but had that been a woman it would be deemed as disgusting.

Some people might argue that it's rare to happen to men, or that women have it harder, but for me all of that is irrelevant, if something isn't right, it's not right.

Ultimately I believe there's a way of saying things, it cost's nothing to be tactful.

"I'd prefer a guy taller than me as I'm 5ft8 and wear heels" is better than

"Don't even think of messaging me if you're under 6ft you waste of sperm"

"I have a preference for caucasian men" is better than

"No blacks"

That is the kind of shit I see online. Unfortunately it's an issue all over the internet. People feel safe behind their anonymity hence the sort of comments you find on YouTube comments. Quite often you'll come across people who say things that they probably wouldn't say to someone's face as they don't have to deal with their reaction.

For example I could say anything to you right now, what could you do? In person you could react. Maybe if people all over treated people how they would expect to be treated the world would be a nicer place.
 

N.Domixis

Banned
I stopped taking tinder seriously, now I just put a picture of a hot dude and just keep on swiping to see how many matches I can get. Currently at 250 matches lmao.
 

vern

Member
You know many of those "lame ass questions" are the cornerstone of face to face interaction, right? There's almost like a PUA culture surrounding messaging women on dating apps/sites... don't ask "lame ass questions," tell her a corny joke or comment on one of her pics that she uploaded 8 months ago so she won't understand wth you're talking about. Yeah, that's the ticket. Since it worked for some guys that's the way to go, right?



You know how many guys on Tinder are probably starting off with "witty banter" and questions related to their stated interests and still getting nothing in response? I'll give you a hint: It's not witty or original when tons of guys are doing it (and believe me, you're not the only one to comment on her theater background or start with a lame joke that was passed around on reddit).

The rule is simple and the rule is law: If the girl is physically attracted to you on Tinder -- a superficial site that doesn't pretend to be anything else -- she'll reply and ask questions herself. If you're at the bottom of her priority list, you're gonna get boring/lame/ignored.

Disclaimer: I am not an expert on how women think, nor do I pretend to be. I do however have yrs of experience behind the scenes w/ this particular industry (analytics included). I've seen what works and what doesn't, and statistically what works best is being the societal ideal (white, in moderate or better shape, without glaring physical flaws). If you've got that going for you then you're set, just take non-boring looking pics and smile and you're in there. Anything else and your odds are significantly lower, to the point that it barely matters what approach you take. It's just statistics: men outnumber women on dating sites by 40:1 and much higher, depending on the site. It's not hard to figure out where the inflated sense of attractiveness (and therefore pickiness/requirements) comes from; essentially a 5/10 irl equates to somewhere around a 7.5/10 online. Somebody mentioned that fat women have it worse than short guys and that's just false. It's probably nothing to do with how the genders think in general, it's just supply and demand.

Online dating works for some people, and as was mentioned recently in this thread (and as we constantly see evidence of) those people dominate the market. A large chunk of everybody else is kind of on the outside looking in and better off going the traditional route... with "lame ass questions" asked in person. That's not to say the rest of the world can't / won't find some success using apps, because whether you're black/asian/short/fat, there's gonna be somebody at some point who thinks you're worth a swipe right. Some of those are going to be niche based (ie suburban white chick who wants a tatted black dude with dreads and will settle for just a black dude for now) and some will just find you attractive. Those are more likely to be the outliers but hey, those are the ones you want to meet anyway.

Edit: As pertains to the thread title, just treat it as a routine and you'll be a-okay. No app in the world should ever affect your self esteem or feeling of worth. If it does, delete it and any other app that makes you feel that way ASAP.

You can ask the lame "getting to know you" questions and cornerstones of face to face interaction in person when you get the date. Again, as you've said men significantly outnumber women on these sites. If everyone asks these same getting to know you questions you think it's engaging to the girl? Give her something more, stand out. It's not about PUA shit, it's not about even being witty necessarily, it's just about not being boring. And also having good photos. It's a superficial service, it's probably 90 % about how you look. But unless you are the hottest guy, asking dumb boring non engaging questions that are exactly the same as everyone else won't get you very far.

Save the "what do you do for a living?" type questions for when you are having a proper date. If you can't set up a date then why do you give a shit what random tinder girls job is anyway?
 
I mean, I'm not certain, but I'd contest that men's height pops up more than you'd think.

You're right about women having the right to judge shorter men, but men have the right to be frustrated.

Pops up where? I googled "men's height" most were about just human height, 2 were about how height stacks up in dating for men, and the last was Netherland's male height. Most of the time height is brought up from the male perspective it's because he was rejected due to his height.

Men don't really have the right to be frustrated, sure, they can be upset but they brought this on themselves, and while they play victim they continue to dig deep in the female beauty standard. It's self-entitlement at its finest because there's no desire to be open or accepting of anyone else but instead people must accept them 100%. This isn't necessarily a male thing because it happens with both sexes.

If men really want people to care about their height woes then they better start the dialogue with something other than she rejected me.
 

ascii42

Member
Men don't really have the right to be frustrated, sure, they can be upset but they brought this on themselves, and while they play victim they continue to dig deep in the female beauty standard. It's self-entitlement at its finest because there's no desire to be open or accepting of anyone else but instead people must accept them 100%. This isn't necessarily a male thing because it happens with both sexes.
I suppose it's possible that I have, but I feel like this is a generalization that punishes me for the actions of others. That would be, well, frustrating.
 
Men don't really have the right to be frustrated, sure, they can be upset but they brought this on themselves, and while they play victim they continue to dig deep in the female beauty standard.

Dude, what are you even talking about? You're thinking way too broad. Men have a right to be frustrated with being deemed unattractive because they are short. All short men aren't the ones out here who constructed the female standard for beauty. That's ridiculous. The notion that all men are 'digging deep in the female beauty standard' is absurd, and honestly isn't really a good defense. You can sit here all day and say that women in some to most regards have it worse, but that doesn't just eliminate the problem at its core. Short men are deemed inferior in the dating pool because of their genetics, and they certainly have a right to be frustrated. I don't think that should be directed at women, but to tell them to just suck it up is fucked.

Additionally, I don't see why you're portraying short men as having trouble in the dating pool as such a minute problem in the first place. You do realize that that can sprout up serious insecurities and mental health issues? It's not about this light getting rejected by a woman, so much as it is a measure of general attractiveness.

Still, the problem is most certainly not only limited to dating as you so claim. Generally, short men are portrayed negatively in media. We can look at terms like 'manlet', indicating a lack of masculinity, or the constant barrage of jokes for over-compensating. Of course this idea is not only limited to height, as it is seen in reference to penis size, but you get the overall idea.

Again, I think saying that a problem doesn't exist because women have it worse is a pretty weak argument. I don't think self-entitlement to a woman's attraction really plays a role here beyond the basic desire of the individual to appear attractive to others and ultimately find a relationship. If that's what you mean, then well yeah, that's pretty obvious. And there is a difference between feeling frustrated and being all 'Woe is me. I am short." I'm not advocating that.
 

Sianos

Member
Think of it this way: why would you want to date someone so superficial in the first place? Superficial people are usually shallow in their interests as well, and being superficial is usually correlated with other negative personality traits.

From my experiences, having no relationship is greatly preferred to being in an unhealthy relationship with a toxic person.
 
Maybe it was just me and I am more handsome than I give myself credit for, but I never had any problems meeting women on any dating sites.

And it was not because I was wealthy or tall or some Adonis, lotta girls liked me because I was smart and cultured.

Men reply to women a dime a dozen, it's the smart/educated/witty dudes women responed to unless it's changed.
 

Kelsdesu

Member
It's way too much shaming going on in this post. Y'all really letting Tinder hurt your self-esteem? Go out, hit the gym, get some muscles, or get a high paying job, roll up to the club bumping this, and proceed to get some numbers.

Really social media dating apps work?
I made a killing on some real estate broker during the recession shit with that one app used Facebook as a hookup app.
I left those days behind and now just frolic on the low philandering discreetly.


I like the first half of this post. Don't let anybody make you feel insecure about yourself. Be the best version of yourself in every way and if they aren't feeling you at your best. Fuck em.
 

Vex_

Banned
I stopped taking tinder seriously, now I just put a picture of a hot dude and just keep on swiping to see how many matches I can get. Currently at 250 matches lmao.


I dont have a tinder account but I might just make one to do this. Then when I get a match, I will switch my profile pic to the fedora man.


Them: "Hi"

Me: "m'lady"
 
I had some interesting results using tinder. I had medical problems the last year, I haven't been really able to go out at all, I can't work, I had to move back with my parents. Basically I am George Costanza in that episode, but I have a really good profile picture. Sure enough, that is all it takes. I had a lot of matches and planned meet ups in the first weeks, and the first person I met went so well we are dating now and it's going pretty well. I didn't expect that to happen at all, and I didn't even want to date anyone but we hit it off so well.

Of course you have to be good at playful banter and interesting, and also connect with someone, but most of the process is pretty shallow.
 
Dude, what are you even talking about? You're thinking way too broad. Men have a right to be frustrated with being deemed unattractive because they are short. All short men aren't the ones out here who constructed the female standard for beauty. That's ridiculous. The notion that all men are 'digging deep in the female beauty standard' is absurd, and honestly isn't really a good defense. You can sit here all day and say that women in some to most regards have it worse, but that doesn't just eliminate the problem at its core. Short men are deemed inferior in the dating pool because of their genetics, and they certainly have a right to be frustrated. I don't think that should be directed at women, but to tell them to just suck it up is fucked.

Additionally, I don't see why you're portraying short men as having trouble in the dating pool as such a minute problem in the first place. You do realize that that can sprout up serious insecurities and mental health issues? It's not about this light getting rejected by a woman, so much as it is a measure of general attractiveness.

Still, the problem is most certainly not only limited to dating as you so claim. Generally, short men are portrayed negatively in media. We can look at terms like 'manlet', indicating a lack of masculinity, or the constant barrage of jokes for over-compensating. Of course this idea is not only limited to height, as it is seen in reference to penis size, but you get the overall idea.

Again, I think saying that a problem doesn't exist because women have it worse is a pretty weak argument. I don't think self-entitlement to a woman's attraction really plays a role here beyond the basic desire of the individual to appear attractive to others and ultimately find a relationship. If that's what you mean, then well yeah, that's pretty obvious. And there is a difference between feeling frustrated and being all 'Woe is me. I am short." I'm not advocating that.

Right. When people bring up the height-on-males thing, it's not as a way to divert attention from every other form of shallow people-filtering and ridiculous beauty standards that males hoist on women. Rather, it's saying hey this happens, it's worth talking about. Looking for ways to shut down the conversation is a pretty logically bankrupt approach.
 
Everyone is shallow. That's the big joke about the height movement. A guy can lambaste a woman for being shallow because she wants a 6'0+ man but then he'll say, "shave your legs", "wear make-up", "why are you fat?!"

Then the argument of "YOU CAN'T CHANGE HEIGHT!!!!" comes in and it's still nonsense because 1) it's a standard whether or not you want to argue and 2) it's not affecting your life like the beauty standards women face.
Height doesn't affect someone's life? That's mighty ignorant. It affects employment, pay rises, wages, relationship opportunities (you've gotta earn more if you want to be considered attractive), Hollywood, among others. There are only a few states that right now have made height discrimination illegal and there are quite a few legal cases have been won over it.

Just because beauty standards are disproportionate for women doesn't mean we should dismiss another real issue.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Height_discrimination
 

FelixOrion

Poet Centuriate
Dating in general has always felt like an exercise in abject futility for me, something that I just struggle at and get nowhere, and not even treating online dating like Tinder, OKC, Bumble, etc. as supplements really has ever helped. It's like a language I never learned and its syntax is still veiled from my eyes.

I kinda wish I could just never give another thought to dating, but the feelings of loneliness and that I'm like broken merchandise are like cancerous tumors on my psyche.
 
Tinder seems alright to me, I'm doing well enough.

Just put good photos up and send interesting messages. "How was your day?", "What do you do for work?" etc doesn't cut it.
If a girl sends me that stuff I tend to not reply either.
 
Tinder has been awesome for me.

I make a harsh preselection by stating in my profile that I'm currently just looking for fun and swipe left on women who state they are only looking for serious relationship as well as anyone that does not have both a clear face and a full body picture. (And of course they have to be kinda pretty and most of all very thin).
I also put my PhD title and science job way more into the spotlight nowadays as I noticed many girls on tinder want the full package, i.e. exciting conversations and this pretty much vets me as a smart guy they would be happy to fuck afterwards.


I don't swipe much anymore but have been hooking up with a new girl every ca. 1.5 weeks for almost 4 months now. In between I'll have sex with previous ones as most locals are happy to come back for more. That's actually the best because you can just meet at home for a movie and you can discuss sex stuff more openly.
It's slowing down now as I get more and more picky without having the looks to earn that haha (sticking with 8s now and skip most of the 6s/7s unless they sound fun. 9s and 10s usually don't match with me just for sex).


70% of my dates end in sex, the rest happens on the second date (minus a few ones that I don't want to meet again or they didn't read my description...). This is mostly because all these girls know what they want and me becoming more suave with age (I'm 31. The youngest girl is 23 btw /creep).
I think it's very efficient :D I also have the attitude that I meet them without expecting sex. I'm new to the city so I "use" the dates to try out new restaurants and places, therefore I get something out of it either way.
The best tip I can give though is always be kind and friendly :)

I'm 5'7 but that's the male average here so it's not so much of an issue anymore than in my previous city... Being white helps of course as well.



All that without having to go clubbing etc and having to make a move on women without knowing what's up and being an introvert. Thanks tinder!
 
I have two 6'2 best pals. One is a white male model, the other is an avg short haired black dude. I think over their 2 years in total, I've seen model with 500 matches and black dude with 90 matches.

As a black dude myself, I'm hesitant as fuck. A) I'm black. B) I'm 5'10. Only good thing going for me is I've been deemed attractive by most standards in person, it just sucks that won't translate online and only in person :/
 

Jindrax

Member
I have two 6'2 best pals. One is a white male model, the other is an avg short haired black dude. I think over their 2 years in total, I've seen model with 500 matches and black dude with 90 matches.

As a black dude myself, I'm hesitant as fuck. A) I'm black. B) I'm 5'10. Only good thing going for me is I've been deemed attractive by most standards in person, it just sucks that won't translate online and only in person :/

Short black man here in a white man's country.
I only use tinder as a bonus and to keep my mind of the girls that I'm actually interested in. But let me tell you. It's true I don't get THAT many matches. But the ones I do get are always girls with a thing for black dudes... So yeah consider yourself a niche product on tinder. And also don't expect too much from it. Real game is where it's at bro.
 

CSJ

Member
As a black dude myself, I'm hesitant as fuck. A) I'm black. B) I'm 5'10. Only good thing going for me is I've been deemed attractive by most standards in person, it just sucks that won't translate online and only in person :/

There you go, you're attractive - that's at least one tick in the box.
Some people don't even really fill that quota and are never deemed that by others, I speak from experience.
 
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