Cow Adventure
by Phillip Roncoroni
Waking up on a run-down farm on the side of a dusty country road at sunup, I wondered just exactly where I was. Was I drugged and kidnapped in my sleep? Of course not, that's something that happens on television I thought to myself. Bewildered, I tried to run in search of aid, when I looked down and realized I had four legs. But how could that be possible? How could I have four legs, and even more shocking, hoofs? What was I, a cow? That was when the strange reality hit me upside the back of my head. I glanced around a bit at myself, and realized I not only had four legs, but spots. I was quite massive as well, surely not my usual skinny self. I was of all things, the animal I so surely loved. I was a cow. But why was I a cow? How did this happen? And then again, was it really such a bad thing? A day in the life of my favorite animal couldn't be that bad, could it?
I quickly adjusted myself to my new surroundings and excitedly tested out my newly acquired bovine vocal abilities. "Moo." What a perfect sound! "Moo." So perfect in tone and length! "Moo," I went, over and over, in a carefree manner. This strange affair was turning out to be fairly enjoyable after all. However my joyous and carefree singing was so suddenly interrupted, when my mean old farmer came out of his dilapidated house, staggering about like a haggard drunk, a bottle of moonshine in one hand, and a crude wooden plank in the other, and violently hit me in the rear to shut me up. Sullen, and with my rear now sore, I stopped my carefree singing, and instead went off in search of adventure and to escape the evil tyrannical rule of the farmer.
Later in the day I found myself standing around with nothing to do, the weight of a half-ton pressing down on my four legs, having a ball. Standing around, and eating dirty grass for basic nourishment. Idly there, doing absolutely nothing, while the hot sun would eternally beat down on my dual colored spots. Then, all of a sudden, the perpetual boredom was interrupted by such a wonderful event. The farmer marched out of his house; bucket in hand, for the unthinkable.
After being violated by the man with no honor, I quickly ran away from the barn, and back to the barren patches of grass with nothing to do yet again. As nightfall began to dawn upon me, I unwillingly accepted the fun of being tipped over by the farmer's neighbor's son. Incapacitated, and on my back, legs flailing in the dark night, I stared up at the moon, and the stars, and let go a long and brooding "Mooooooooooo." I laid there for the remainder of the night, reflecting on how terrible it was to be a cow.
