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I've had a rough Christmas and I just want to vent

lifa-cobex

Member
I work in funeral care and decided to cover the ambulance side of things over Christmas during the days.
Three days (Sat, Sun and Monday)
12 hour shifts (10am till 10pm).
I've worked the ambulance side of things a couple of times to cover for people but I mainly do the funeral side. However I thought I would give folks with kids a break and it helps top up my bank account.

Rant start.
I don't really recall Saturday aside from it being really long. Me and my partner had four callouts during the day. The last callout taking a really long time. I didn't get home until about 12.
I just mostly recall being shattered and hoping the next two days weren't going to be as hard work.

(Don't read on if you don't like reading about gore/blood or such)
Sunday.
We had two call outs. The first was for an elderly gent. Real nice family and all very straight forward. It was somewhat emotional though. However it was very straight forward but a hour or so drive to the residence and then back again.
The second was later in the evening. We arrived to a bit of a rough area to where I live. The home was very rough and a smell instantly hit you as you walked through the door. A very large family and friends were gathered in the kitchen.
My partner was talking to them as I talked to the police officers outside. He had warned me it was very gruesome upstairs where he was resting. They wanted to place him in a better position but didn't have the stomach for it. I remember thinking that wasn't a good sign.

I walked into the bedroom to the deceased sat on his bed but slumped over. Opposite him was an open window that was absolutely dripping in blood. It was all over the window, the window sill and down the walls.
He himself was covered too.
He was yellow skinned and stank of urine and faeces.
We worked out that he was an alcoholic that had gone to throw up out the window but had ruptured something internal in the process.
My partner went to clean the blood off as I was trying to position him ready to be transferred onto the trolley. Unfortunately as I was shifting him. He had purged and made a mess.
One of the officers bolted downstairs. The second stayed and gloved up. (Absolute legend).
Eventually we transferred him onto the trolley and attempted to our absolute best to bring him downstairs. The corridors and stair case was so small. It was an absolute mission that took all my strength. The officer couldn't help as their simply wasn't enough room for him to
maneuver around to give us a hand.
Needless to say that we were absolutely mentally and physically fucked after this.
The family were in tears (understandably) in tears the entire time so we were doing our best to reassure them.

Monday (Today)
Yay Christmas.
We had four callouts again throughout the day.
To start we had a 27 year old that had clearly decided to party to hard the night before.
Again it was a very rough home. Various family members from all parts had gathered. The place absolutely stank of weed to the point of making me feel sick. I don't mind weed at all but that was way too much.
The two officers turned a blind eye to it I guess given the circumstance. The paramedic was also still on the scene too.
This one was an absolute nightmare. Everybody was either screaming, shouting or crying into hysterics.
Various neighbours kept coming over to claim that they could calm everybody down. Basically being fucking noisy and wanting in on the drama.
One of the brothers had asked if the family could say one last goodbye before we took him away to which we agreed. We positioned him as peacefully looking as we could and cleaned up his face. He was bleeding from his noes and teeth.
However rigor mortis had set in so it proved to be quite challenging.
After we had set everything up, we explained that we would be waiting in our van to when they were ready for us to proceed and take him away.
After 20 or so mins had gone by. A family member would come out to explain that another family member wanted to see him for one last time and could we wait longer for them to arrive.
Obviously this is fine but other calls were coming through as we waited. It's very difficult as you want to give the family all the time in the world but other family's are also waiting.
An hour had passed by this point and we had two other pickups waiting. Eventfully everyone had said their goodbyes and we had permission to take him away.

We were in a bit of a mad dash after this. However the next to were in retirement homes and were very straight forward. Having said that we were absolutely broken. Too many tears and too much lifting. We were at the end of our rope.

The last callout seemed like it was also going to be pretty standard. Another retainment home and by this point it should have been our last one of the night.
The guy was 66 years old and over 30 stone (420 pounds).
His two sons were really great. They could see the difficulty we were going to have and wanted to help. The pair of the were obviously hitting the gym pretty regularly.
Myself, my partner, the two sons and a nurse all successfully lifter him into the trolley and took him up to the van.

(A quick side note about these trolleys. Underneath a pair of legs with wheels on each corner. You can pull a handle underneath the bed of the trolley to release the locks that allow the legs to lower the bed to ground lever. When you are placing the trolley onto the van,
You have to take the weight of the bed with the deceased in order the for it to slide into the van whilst pulling the handle for the legs to unlock.
That's the best I can describe it. I'm slightly drunk.)

The two sons and myself braced the weight so we could do this. We had got him half way through the van until It was unsuccessful as he was too big. We had to make adjustment in the van in order to make room.
As we brought him back out of the van. The legs of the trolley failed to release and the deceased fell onto the ground and rolled onto his front.
This fucking moment was what it took to snap me. I was absolutely horrified and broken beyond repair. I don't even like typing this but I feel I've just got to shear.

Their was other moments throughout this three day fun filled adventure.
One of the deceased started bleeding in the mortuary.
Not having the correct equipment.
Pissed up people jumping out in front of the van whilst on rout to.

That was my weekend,
cheerio!
Sleep well Gaf,
I won't be.
 

EverydayBeast

thinks Halo Infinite is a new graphical benchmark
Excited The Office GIF
 

Lord Panda

The Sea is Always Right
I'm sorry mate. You and your team are unsung under-appreciated heroes. I hope you all get the break and peace you need and hopefully you have someone you can talk to face-to-face about this.
 

Nitty_Grimes

Made a crappy phPBB forum once ... once.
The drunk with the window - at first I thought you were going to say he'd fell and smashed his head through it and spiked himself on the glass and bled to death.

But... sounds like he literally puked his organ(s) up? How is that even possible (I skipped biology that day at school)

And as others have said, kudos for the work you do.
 

RJMacready73

Simps for Amouranth
Much respect, you guys along with first responders etc do a job I simply don't have the stomach for, not easy having to deal with that much emotional trauma on a daily basis not to mention the grizzly scenes but being that close to such agonizing grief... Nah, I'd nope out, interesting story chap, feel free to share more If it helps!
 

Thaedolus

Gold Member
The drunk with the window - at first I thought you were going to say he'd fell and smashed his head through it and spiked himself on the glass and bled to death.

But... sounds like he literally puked his organ(s) up? How is that even possible (I skipped biology that day at school)

And as others have said, kudos for the work you do.
Probably had esophageal varices that ruptured. An RN friend told me she’s seen it happen several times in the hospital and the amount of blood released is astonishing.

And thank you for the work you do OP, I’m sure it’s incredibly difficult but it’s a necessary service.
 

Nitty_Grimes

Made a crappy phPBB forum once ... once.
Probably had esophageal varices that ruptured. An RN friend told me she’s seen it happen several times in the hospital and the amount of blood released is astonishing.

And thank you for the work you do OP, I’m sure it’s incredibly difficult but it’s a necessary service.
Fuuuuuccccccckkkkkkkk.
 

lifa-cobex

Member
🤟💕🤟

Cheers for the Gold Days like these.
Cheers for all the love Gaf. I've successfully spent the day doing absolutely nothing.
My body is absolutely killing me today and the hangover doesn't help.

Much respect, you guys along with first responders etc do a job I simply don't have the stomach for, not easy having to deal with that much emotional trauma on a daily basis not to mention the grizzly scenes but being that close to such agonizing grief... Nah, I'd nope out, interesting story chap, feel free to share more If it helps!
Have a more light hearted story from days past...
 

Trunx81

Member
All the respect to you, OP. Thank you for your service and giving those people the last respect they need.

Imagine the poor guy who had to scrap Hans Gruber from the entrance of Nakatomi Plaza, though …
 

Nitty_Grimes

Made a crappy phPBB forum once ... once.
All the respect to you, OP. Thank you for your service and giving those people the last respect they need.

Imagine the poor guy who had to scrap Hans Gruber from the entrance of Nakatomi Plaza, though …
To be fair high pressure hose could have washed what was left of Hans down a drain when he hit reckon he would have gone everywhere.
 

22:22:22

NO PAIN TRANCE CONTINUE
My next next door neighbour (mid sixties) passed away last summer. His downstairs neighbor had dealing with maggots for a least 2 weeks before they found him. Rip Melvin.

I was home att and saw "you" going in all suited up with a gourney to, well, do what you have been describing. Was a heatwave going on and saw the cleaners storming out the appartment trowing up and all. Respect man. My brothers ex had the job you had that day.

How do you deal with it mentally? Rationalize? Compartmentalization?
Anyways I hope venting helped you a bit with processing. Respect.
 

Redneckerz

Those long posts don't cover that red neck boy
As someone who also works in care (But in the tech side of things, having the ultra rare combination of being both a geek and empathtic) i praise you and your colleagues for the work you do. Funeral care is the kind of care most people do not really want to think about, but at the end of the line, the aftermath also needs to be taken care of. No matter who it is.

It takes a certain kind of person to pull this kind of work off. And lifa-cobex lifa-cobex , the fact you managed to write this off your chest says a lot about you and your character.

From one remote medical colleague to another, hats off to you.

PS: If there is such a facility available, consider going to a mental health counsel. At where i work, we have several dedicated teams for this and things like these are a reminder why i should strike up a talk one of these days. And i am not even doing the kind of work you do.

So especially in your line of duty, it could be of use for you, especially with the kind of stuff you have to deal with. Your own self-care is worth a lot aswell.
 

lifa-cobex

Member
My next next door neighbour (mid sixties) passed away last summer. His downstairs neighbor had dealing with maggots for a least 2 weeks before they found him. Rip Melvin.

I was home att and saw "you" going in all suited up with a gourney to, well, do what you have been describing. Was a heatwave going on and saw the cleaners storming out the appartment trowing up and all. Respect man. My brothers ex had the job you had that day.

How do you deal with it mentally? Rationalize? Compartmentalization?
Anyways I hope venting helped you a bit with processing. Respect.
Ahh fuck man that's tragic.
Co-worker came back to branch a few weeks back with what you've described with your neighbor. The guy was a hoarder and had left the heating on full whack. He wasn't discovered for over a week so I can only imagine.
It took them a couple of hours as they kept going in and out being sick.

Dealing with it wise....
Games, music, films, exercise, drink, hobbies etc etc
Just block it out by getting into something.

As someone who also works in care (But in the tech side of things, having the ultra rare combination of being both a geek and empathtic) i praise you and your colleagues for the work you do. Funeral care is the kind of care most people do not really want to think about, but at the end of the line, the aftermath also needs to be taken care of. No matter who it is.

It takes a certain kind of person to pull this kind of work off. And lifa-cobex lifa-cobex , the fact you managed to write this off your chest says a lot about you and your character.

From one remote medical colleague to another, hats off to you.

PS: If there is such a facility available, consider going to a mental health counsel. At where i work, we have several dedicated teams for this and things like these are a reminder why i should strike up a talk one of these days. And i am not even doing the kind of work you do.

So especially in your line of duty, it could be of use for you, especially with the kind of stuff you have to deal with. Your own self-care is worth a lot aswell.
Much respect.
Working in care is something I absolutely couldn't do. Dealing with the dead is one thing but you deal with the living. That would be much harder for me to deal with.

Hats off to you.

I was seeing a counselor a while back but it was more unrelated with work.
But as you've brought it up. That is something that really fucking bothers me about this line of work.
We get absolutely no mental health help in this line of work. It is literally sink or swim. The top brass make a fuck ton of cash out of this line of work and very little is passed down the food chain.
 

Dev1lXYZ

Member
Thank You for all that you do out there. Society has no real clue what EMTS go through in their careers.

I myself have retired quite a few. The last one had to get out after being out on shovel duty to collect remains of condominium jumpers during spring break in Panama City, FL.

He was very distraught. I tried my best to let him know that most people would have quit on the spot and not to feel bad about knowing when enough was enough.

I have seen those kind of retirements from EMTs that try to tough it out as well: suicide.
 
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lifa-cobex

Member
Thank You for all that you do out there. Society has no real clue what EMTS go through in their careers.

I myself have retired quite a few. The last one had to get out after being out on shovel duty to collect remains of condominium jumpers during spring break in Panama City, FL.

He was very distraught. I tried my best to let him know that most people would have quit on the spot and not to feel bad about knowing when enough was enough.

I have seen those kind of retirements from EMTs that try to tough it out as well: suicide.
ahhh that would be rough.
We lost our contract a few years back for working the rail lines but I can't say I'm sad about it.
I was fortunate to never have a call out to one back then but I heard plenty of stories. A lot of pieces get left to the wildlife.

I hope you are well paid
£50 a call out.
 

lifa-cobex

Member
Sorry for asking something stupid, but what does this mean? Accidents or deliberate? Why does it happen in Spring break?
Spring break = Teens with alcohol running through their systems.

Probably both but more the latter as teens believe death doesn't happen to people like them.
 

John Marston

GAF's very own treasure goblin
My horrible first thought is "Six Feet Under" would have been way more entertaining if Nate & David Fisher jumped on ambulances to pick up fresh corpses 😁

My second thought is of empathy and gratitude. What you are doing is very delicate yet necessary.
I just hope you have a secret recipe to disconnect somewhat when you're not on the clock.

I have fond memories of the 2 EMTs who brought me to hospital back in 2018. I was scared and confused and they reassured me with their care and sense of humor.

Happy New Year man 🙂
 

Happosai

Hold onto your panties
I read this back when you posted it. At the time, I thought I wasn't having such a great Christmas but this is heartbreaking. I imagine this is also line of work where you get to a point of being able to handle being around death but not necessarily used to it. Best thing to get your mind off may be to go on holiday. A long one if you have it. They do need to pay you a bit more for those ambulance care calls.
 

Dev1lXYZ

Member
Sorry for asking something stupid, but what does this mean? Accidents or deliberate? Why does it happen in Spring break?
So, Panama City is a Spring Break Mecca. Drunk people of all ages all over the place, Drunk people do stupid and daring things like balcony climbing. A slip and fall from height and its shovel and garbage bag time.
 
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