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Off-Topic Personality Mental Health |AT| GAF

NecrosaroIII

Member
Feb 2, 2020
915
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www.weeabuds.com
Necrobumping but I need somewhere to talk.

Having a really bad day at work today. I like my company hate my role. Plus my departments management, while well intentioned and trying what they think are progressive management techniques only make me feel more stressed.

I hate my career. I hate my job. But I don't know what else is do. I don't have the stamina to go back to college. I think I just hate working.

I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety 2 years ago. I was on meds for ablut 6 months but lost my insurance for a time. In any case the meds didn't help.

I'm sitting here idealating. My wife knows I have these tentacles and it scares her. While watching the Good Place finale she broke down crying because she thinks I'm going to kill myself one day. And i might. But for now I just feel trapped. Like this is my life and it won't get better so why try.
 

Moogle11

Member
Feb 7, 2020
1,490
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565
Get some help. If you have insurance, go back to your doctor. Try other meds if they feel it best, seek therapy as maybe some cognitive behavioral therapy that can help get at negative thought patterns etc. can help.

I'd avoid seeking help here or on other forums. I always disliked these threads as they rarely have actual mental health professionals posting in them, so advice can be bad. It's the sick treating the sick, and even for the people who got well and have good intentions advice can be dangerous as what worked for one person could make another more depressed and suicidal.

I also just don't see how it's healthy to have a bunch of people with depression and other issues grouped together in an thread/online community. Someone suicidal probably isn't going to feel better reading a bunch of posts by others who are depressed and saying things never get better etc.

They all need to get professional help, and most communities have free or low cost options through non-profits, universities etc. Just hang in there and get some help!
 
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cc7rip

Member
Nov 1, 2019
76
49
280
I may as well chime in here. 28 years old. Suffered from body image issues, social anxiety, and some depression for a few years now. Been seeing a Councillor for a few months but she's been replaced with a newer one which I feel is miles better. Just being able to open up about my issues makes me feel better right away. This current counselling will be every fortnight for 8 sessions, with more available if needed. I would strongly suggest anyone to try and find a Councillor, it really does help. I have a lot of regrets and guilt in my life, and next session we are going to work on that. If anyone wants to chat or anything, I'm happy to do so!
 

Darkmakaimura

Member
Dec 12, 2008
15,804
7,328
1,625
I realize I can't get along with anyone.

Nerds, geeks, gamers, feminists, etc all despise me.

Oddly the only group I seem to get along with are punks/punker types, as in people into punk music.

I'm not saying it's not my fault, because it probably most definitely is.
 

SLoWMoTIoN

Milk Connoisseur
Feb 2, 2018
21,770
27,237
985
hope you are all well, one of my favorite quotes =

Broken like my life!
 
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TaySan

Banned
Dec 16, 2018
2,647
4,332
560
My family is tearing itself apart and I'm stuck in the middle of all it. My squatter brother and his bf and my father got into a heated fight that led to the police called.

This is getting worse before it gets any better and I don't know what to do. I wish I can just move out from all this madness. :( Does anyone else have a disfuctional family?

This week was supposed to be good with my CD account finally maturing and I'm able to buy my car outright freeing myself of this awful debt, but of course family drama gets In the way and it will never get better.
 
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Shifty1897

Member
Sep 22, 2014
2,197
1,539
860
Livingston, AL
I've been pretty miserable at work recently and two weeks ago I was so frustrated I nearly walked out. I talked myself out of it and called to schedule an appointment with a doctor about my anxiety and stress issues, but the next opening they had was in June. After another unbearable day on Friday I went out and bought an edible and took it Saturday even though I was on call. I slept through a call that afternoon but it fixed my mood and I generally felt a lot better about life until today.
Email from the CEO: No raises this year due to economic downturn. Also, 10-15% pay cut for all employees effective immediately.
I'm not going to starve, but it makes an already difficult situation that much harder.
 
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Tesseract

Crushed by Thanos
Dec 7, 2008
61,252
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try to relax the best you can, exercise helps but if your anxiety is bad, all the bad in your life will be significantly amplified

i would advise against xanax just because it's such an easy rode to dependence, try zanaflex instead
 
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Darkmakaimura

Member
Dec 12, 2008
15,804
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1,625
I'm really feeling the big "SU....." word today. I heard therapists are doing in-home online but my only problem is my Internet is limited to 4g on my (budget) phone.

Bad shit stirring in my life now and there's no help therapist can do but if I can speak to one.
 
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Melon

Gold Member
Mar 21, 2018
1,210
5,828
860
22
Dumb Bimbo Inc.
2020 has fucked me in the ass, and without lube too.

First, my mom's cancer diagnosis. Then the corona shit. Then my grandpa died last week, and due to the coronavirus and me being a part of the vulnerable population, I couldn't even make it to his funeral. All of this is taking a severe toll on my mental health. My suicidal thoughts and urges have grown by a substantial amount. It's no longer just "I want to kill myself" it's "Here's how I can kill myself". No, I'm not going to go through with anything, but battling those thoughts and urges is really fucking tough. So if I've seemed to have more of a short fuse lately, I am sorry. I don't mean to take it out on you guys.

I just want this pain to go away. I want to feel happy. My boyfriend is amazing and wonderful support, but that doesn't make my suicidal thoughts go away. And it's not like I can go see my psychiatrist during this lol.

It's pretty obvious I'm a wimpy person. And yeah, I know, I should just suck it up. But damn I am a weakling. I'm trying, but I just break down every time I try to hold myself together.
 
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brap

Member
Jan 9, 2018
14,497
39,157
1,185
2020 has fucked me in the ass, and without lube too.

First, my mom's cancer diagnosis. Then the corona shit. Then my grandpa died last week, and due to the coronavirus and me being a part of the vulnerable population, I couldn't even make it to his funeral. All of this is taking a severe toll on my mental health. My suicidal thoughts and urges have grown by a substantial amount. It's no longer just "I want to kill myself" it's "Here's how I can kill myself". No, I'm not going to go through with anything, but battling those thoughts and urges is really fucking tough. So if I've seemed to have more of a short fuse lately, I am sorry. I don't mean to take it out on you guys.

I just want this pain to go away. I want to feel happy. My boyfriend is amazing and wonderful support, but that doesn't make my suicidal thoughts go away. And it's not like I can go see my psychiatrist during this lol.

It's pretty obvious I'm a wimpy person. And yeah, I know, I should just suck it up. But damn I am a weakling. I'm trying, but I just break down every time I try to hold myself together.
Have you tried this shit that people were shilling on youtube? Idk if it's good or not but it might help
 
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Melon

Gold Member
Mar 21, 2018
1,210
5,828
860
22
Dumb Bimbo Inc.
Have you tried this shit that people were shilling on youtube? Idk if it's good or not but it might help

It is not good. It's been confirmed that the majority of the "therapists" you talk to are not licensed in anything.
 
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Nov 5, 2016
24,209
48,114
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One Big Room, Full Of Bad Bitches
its been a year since my panic disorder landed me in a psych ward for 8 days. Not sure if anyone remembers that thread I posted about it. I still appreciate the responses I got. Thanks again to those people who reached out.

full year of regular meds and not much has changed. I still start having breathing issues if I am out of my house for too long unless I take double dose of klonopin which sedates me to the point of being unsafe to drive anywhere anyway, at least it feels like it.

Ive made small strides. A year ago I literally went 2 months without leaving my apartment once. I force myself to get outside once a day now even if it’s just to walk to the mailbox. Every other day I drive my car. I usually just make it around the neighborhood a couple time before I start feeling the tremors and whatnot. I still have everything delivered (instacart, Amazon fresh). That’s been a little odd lately with all the stuff going on

I have an appointment on Tuesday, I’m pretty sure they are going to advise increasing dosage of the Mirtazapine I take nightly. I’ve been in a low dose (15mg) since being prescribed it in the psych ward a year ago. I had hoped to get better my own without needing increased chemical dependency but I’m failing on my own and time is ticking.

I usually end up turning around before I reach the doctors office and we end up communicating via phone or email. I’ve missed my last several in-office appointments like that. I think after a certain amount of time they can’t keep refilling my meds unless they see me in person. I could be wrong, just something I thought I heard.

I’m worried eventually they will recommend I get locked up for an extended stay next time and it will be weeks/months even before I get out. I don’t know how likely that it is to happen, I’m not an expert on “the system.”

When I was in the ward one dude had mentioned it was his third week and they still hadn’t given him an ETA on leaving. Most of the people in my section were there for self-harm and/or harm to others though, that wasn’t my case and never has been (I’m way too big a pussy to hurt myself or anyone else), for me they call it “failure to thrive.”

Its the weirdest shit ever. I went from working two jobs regularly and slowly feeling symptoms of anxiety increase over the course of a school year, culminating to where I couldn’t drive a 100 feet without feeling like I was having a heart attack or stroke.

Weird shit, man.

I could ramble on incoherently endlessly. my bad

typEd on phone sorry for typos
 
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Tesseract

Crushed by Thanos
Dec 7, 2008
61,252
69,400
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its been a year since my panic disorder landed me in a psych ward for 8 days. Not sure if anyone remembers that thread I posted about it. I still appreciate the responses I got. Thanks again to those people who reached out.

full year of regular meds and not much has changed. I still start having breathing issues if I am out of my house for too long unless I take double dose of klonopin which sedates me to the point of being unsafe to drive anywhere anyway, at least it feels like it.

Ive made small strides. A year ago I literally went 2 months without leaving my apartment once. I force myself to get outside once a day now even if it’s just to walk to the mailbox. Every other day I drive my car. I usually just make it around the neighborhood a couple time before I start feeling the tremors and whatnot. I still have everything delivered (instacart, Amazon fresh). That’s been a little odd lately with all the stuff going on

I have an appointment on Tuesday, I’m pretty sure they are going to advise increasing dosage of the Mirtazapine I take nightly. I’ve been in a low dose (15mg) since being prescribed it in the psych ward a year ago. I had hoped to get better my own without needing increased chemical dependency but I’m failing on my own and time is ticking.

I usually end up turning around before I reach the doctors office and we end up communicating via phone or email. I’ve missed my last several in-office appointments like that. I think after a certain amount of time they can’t keep refilling my meds unless they see me in person. I could be wrong, just something I thought I heard.

I’m worried eventually they will recommend I get locked up for an extended stay next time and it will be weeks/months even before I get out. I don’t know how likely that it is to happen, I’m not an expert on “the system.”

When I was in the ward one dude had mentioned it was his third week and they still hadn’t given him an ETA on leaving. Most of the people in my section were there for self-harm and/or harm to others though, that wasn’t my case and never has been (I’m way too big a pussy to hurt myself or anyone else), for me they call it “failure to thrive.”

Its the weirdest shit ever. I went from working two jobs regularly and slowly feeling symptoms of anxiety increase over the course of a school year, culminating to where I couldn’t drive a 100 feet without feeling like I was having a heart attack or stroke.

Weird shit, man.

I could ramble on incoherently endlessly. my bad

typEd on phone sorry for typos

what's your exercise routine and diet like, how much water are you drinking, how much sleep?

what diagnosis were you given, psychosis or something else?

mirth and klon aren't really adequate for the long haul, something like zoloft is better, i'd ask your doctor about it

and yeah most doctors require regular visits else they'll get their practices investigated and licences pulled
 
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LegendOfKage

Member
Mar 6, 2018
3,542
5,181
735
And it's not like I can go see my psychiatrist during this lol.

You should call his or her office and ask. A lot of doctor and therapist appointments are being done over the phone right now.

I had hoped to get better my own without needing increased chemical dependency but I’m failing on my own and time is ticking.

Some mental health issues can only be treated with medication, though. Personally, I feel your goal should be reaching a point where you're living the life you want to live, rather than being concerned that you need drugs to do it. Does that make sense?

something like zoloft is better, i'd ask your doctor about it

I'm usually against the idea of requesting a specific drug from a doctor, but I can admire your concern. I'd just let the doctor recommend what they recommend. Otherwise, you have no idea how much influence you're having on their recommendation.
 

LegendOfKage

Member
Mar 6, 2018
3,542
5,181
735
I'm really feeling the big "SU....." word today. I heard therapists are doing in-home online but my only problem is my Internet is limited to 4g on my (budget) phone.

Bad shit stirring in my life now and there's no help therapist can do but if I can speak to one.

I missed quoting you in my post above, but you might want to check and see what is available in your area. I have several family members who had doctor and therapist appointments that were moved to teleconferencing instead. It probably helps if you're already seeing someone, but you could still call and find out.
 
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Darkmakaimura

Member
Dec 12, 2008
15,804
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Feeling like shit today and in one of my "wanting to quit life" kind of moods.

Combination of money worries and shit that transpired on Twitter a few months back that led me to quitting it.

I really just hate people in general including myself.
 
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TaySan

Banned
Dec 16, 2018
2,647
4,332
560
i'm sure i'll ask more questions over time, for now tho here's one:

1. how's your pain tolerance?

in my experience, the disorder is a gift / curse of high pain thresholds mixed with significant pain amplification
I would say my pain tolerance is high. I often don't even notice I have bruises on myself. :/ Though I never had a broken bone before and don't want to test that theory lol
 
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Tesseract

Crushed by Thanos
Dec 7, 2008
61,252
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Abstract thinking? Poor. I have a hard time reading people and situations. Communication over online makes life easier for me

geometry seems to strengthen the visual cortex, provide a wire frame structure of the universe

'philosophy is written in this grand book, which stands continually open before our eyes, i mean the universe, but can not be understood without first learning to comprehend the language and know the characters as it is written. It is written in mathematical language, and its characters are triangles, circles and other geometric figures, without which it is impossible to humanly understand a word; without these one is wandering in a dark labyrinth. '


are you left or right handed, what're some of your favorite books?
 

TaySan

Banned
Dec 16, 2018
2,647
4,332
560
geometry seems to strengthen the visual cortex, provide a wire frame structure of the universe

'philosophy is written in this grand book, which stands continually open before our eyes, i mean the universe, but can not be understood without first learning to comprehend the language and know the characters as it is written. It is written in mathematical language, and its characters are triangles, circles and other geometric figures, without which it is impossible to humanly understand a word; without these one is wandering in a dark labyrinth. '


are you left or right handed, what're some of your favorite books?
I'm right handed and I'm not much of a reader.(books are hard to hold my attention to completion.) I do most of my reading online, but the last book I remember enjoying was Master of Doom about I'd Tech.
re: people and situations, can you expand, what're the things you have difficulty reading?
Reading other people emotions and non verbal communication. I take things literally unless it's painfully obvious.
 

TaySan

Banned
Dec 16, 2018
2,647
4,332
560
okay one more tonight:

do you ever worry about regressing into a a wild state, cognitive faculties obliterated?
Wild state? Not violent no, but i sometimes can't control my emotions when i'm upset. I shake a lot when i'm visibly upset.
 
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Jun 13, 2019
839
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Bottom of the barrel.
Taking my cat to the vet today...
He's an old cat and lately has not been eating much and has developed breathing problems.
I fear the worst and...
Just think about all the love and affection you've given your lovely cat over the years. It sucks losing a pet, but you've given the best quality of life they never could have even dreamed of!

Here's to hoping your little buddy is okay
 
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Darkmakaimura

Member
Dec 12, 2008
15,804
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I don't leave the house for almost a week and a half to two weeks at a time. I'm really frustrated because I'm dirt poor and I may not be getting a stimulus check despite the fact I make WAY under 12,000 a year. And yes, I did the 'non filier' thing on TurboTax the Wednesday before last.

So now my panic attacks are starting to get worse, which weren't as frequent before. I even avoided all social media including GAF until the other day but still only use GAF.

Frustrated and angry and worried.
 
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