There’s this guy who’s a friend I guess (not really).
He works at a cafe I frequent. I’ve “known” him since like a year ago but we got on a first name basis like 5 months ago.
I think around late July, my car stopped working and I had no car for about 4ish weeks. During these weeks when I’d go to this cafe and he was working,
he would offer me rides home even though that was completely unnecessary (I chose to go there, after all). I do mean it btw I NEVER asked him;
he would either offer, or just pass by my table and say “I’m taking you home.” I would say he gave me rides home like 7(?) times.
My house was only 5-6 mins away but it was still a nice gesture.
I will also say that HE is the one that brought up exchanging numbers and HE added me on IG.
Anyways. On the night of the last time he dropped me off, everything seemed normal. I was waiting for him to close.
We were just on our phones and then he randomly said “you know, you’re funny looking.” This was a week after I told him that I’m insecure about my face (and I only divulged this information because for like a week he kept asking me why I’m not dating, that he wants to set me up with a nice Mexican man, next day he’d say he wants to set me up with a nice Jewish man, etc.) and I want to get plastic surgery for a couple of things. So this comment hurt.
He was very combative the whole night. Then when a couple of his coworkers came towards us he was like “hey I was just calling pleaseinsertdisctwo funny looking for the past 15 minutes” and then was like “yeah we can’t hang if you can’t handle my dark humor.” He was wording it as if it was a truth I needed to accept, and that’s why it’s “dark” humor.
I honestly thought I did something wrong. Otherwise why else did he randomly start acting this way?
I tried to text him about it, even though at this point it’s been a while since that night. It’s kind of been a back and forth of me not talking to him and him not really talking to me and I can tell that we’ve been passive aggressive.
I worded my text like I may have done something wrong and he was acting that way out of retaliation because I thought that that WAS the most likely scenario. I told him that I just want to understand why he was acting that way (I have yet to specify which night I was talking about, or the comments he made), and that I’m not going to attack him or ask for an apology.
He apologized and said that he is sorry if he hurt me in any way, he has “very dark humor” towards people he actually likes, and that he’ll never joke that way with me again.
On that night I know for a fact that he saw that I was upset, and he kept going and going. Not once did he clarify that he didn’t mean what he said. If anything he was basically saying that he’s just being honest and that I need to accept the truth, like I already said.
Call me insecure, neurotic, and high maintenance, but how is randomly calling someone “funny looking,” especially when they told you that they’re insecure about their face because you kept pestering them about dating people, dark humor? Where is the joke? I want to accept his apology especially since I didn’t ask for one but I can’t. It’s been over a day since his apology but I have yet to reply because I don’t want to seem insane or overly angry but I think his “dark humor” excuse is BS.
Kings, please let me know. Because I’ve never had someone act this way with me.
It is completely unnecessary for you to know the answer to the question in the thread title.“yeah we can’t hang if you can’t handle my dark humor.”
Some people just lack emotional intelligence. (or whatever the fuck it's called)
Don't let his lame "joke" bother you.
Right off the bat, what you have here is an undefined relationship. Let's see how this works out.
So we've moved up to regular customer first name basis. So far so normal.
No car, but you're still able to get to the Cafe and anywhere else you need to go I assume.
So, the response should be "No thanks, I can get around by myself but thanks for the kind gesture".
You've taken so many "unnecessary" rides from this guy he's now comfortable assuming you will go with him now "I'm taking you home". You accept.
You don't need the ride but keep taking them, I'm putting good money down that "7" is a lowball number for the number of rides you've unnecessarily accepted.
Yes dear, you know how dating works right? Men have to make the approach, it's perfectly NORMAL that he would bring up exchanging numbers. Again you accepted and in fact seem quite happy calling texting each other. Nobody made you add him to your insta, you can block/reject.
When was this? * You are now waiting for a completely unnecessary ride because your only house is only *Checks notes* 5-6 minutes away.
*Because by my calculations if you only needed a lift for four-ish weeks so you would no longer have needed rides past "Late July + 4-ish = Early September". You know it's now November, so this story either happened in September and you've been butthurt about it enough to make a topic about it in November or nether you or he have still defined the relationship but you're taking his rides texting/calling each other.
All of this drama about you funny nose, the pair of you both being passive aggressive was avoidable. He should have made his intentions clear and asked you out on a date months ago, accepted your reply and moved on. You should have defined the relationship months ago "We're just friends, nothings going to happen" instead of taking rides, hanging out texting calling while talking about being single. If you enable a "Nice guy" then you get "Nice guy" behavior becuse he's still loading you up with kindness coins waiting for the pussy payout.