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Ex Girlfriend Situation

Winter John

Member
Mar 9, 2014
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What you want to do is ask her if she has a hotter, younger, less fucked in the head sister
 

NecrosaroIII

Member
Feb 2, 2020
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www.weeabuds.com
Soooo, I'll try to keep it brief but it'll probably turn out long AF 😂

I help run a FB Singles group which encompasses 4 counties (UK). During lockdowns I used to run a regular Friday Night Zoom party for members. In January this Polish girl joined the group, started joining the Zooms and every week (normally because she'd had some wine) she couldn't figure out how to join, so she she'd message me.

From there we started talking more and more, until it became private WhatsApp video calls, messages daily etc.

Eventually we arranged to meet up for real (we live 54 miles apart and she doesn't drive). She invited me to hers for Easter Sunday champagne breakfast. As soon as she opened the front door I thought "wow!" We hit it off immediately, it was just like a continuation of the Zooms, messages etc.

From there we started seeing each other every couple of weeks, then every weekend once she felt comfortable to introduce me to her 5 Yr old son.

In June, we decide to do the FB official thing. We have a fair few mutual friends (from the FB group) and they all say we match perfectly. We get on like a house on fire, i really fall in love with her, she the same with me, I get on great with her son (who tells me he loves me too)...all going amazing, planned futures together, moving in, having a baby...you get the idea.

Fast forward to the Bank Holiday Monday at the end of August...she texts me out the blue saying can we just be friends!

Naturally I'm devastated, she doesn't want to talk, just says she's realised she is not in the right place to be in a relationship etc...all through texts...i ask for my belongings back that are at hers, each time I ask she makes an excuse why she can't give them to a mutual friend or whatever... whole week goes by and its her Sons 6th birthday.

She thanks me for his gift I sent, her texts completely change and for a whole week it's darling this, darling that, i need to sort my head out, I miss you etc.

Another week passes...suddenly the texts are cold, one line, no kisses... Eventually I tell her (rather than ask as before) that I'm collecting my belongings, I drive over that evening and collect from her next door Neighbour and our mutual friend.

Go forward another week and it's my birthday, i receive a card from her, a pop up card with photos on it she took and exploding confetti. I also get a text from her at 1am on my birthday saying she wanted to be the first to give birthday wishes.

Go forward now to last weekend...

Friday evening I go to her town to meet some friends (that she knows) for a drink at the pub. One of them posts a photo of us all on FB...she sees it, posts a photo of her around her neighbour (our mutual friend) with a sarky comment...i end up storming round and saying that we need that face to face talk.

We go back to her house, talk until 4am...she tells me a number of times that she's in love with me but still doesn't want a relationship.

All that while we are getting off with each other, then sleep together and I eventually leave at 11am the next day. Mindfuck!!

I should point out that she is mid 30s, I'm mid 40s so we're not exactly teenagers but I really don't know what to make of it all. Known each other for 10 months, dated since April...lets just hope that last weekend doesn't end up in her becoming pregnant as that'll be the real twist 😂

Thoughts wise people of NeoGaf???

I know some will say forget about her etc...easier said than done as I do still really love her

You're both too old for this shit. Do you want something stable or just to fool around. Make a decision and go for it. Have her choose. If you can't be on the same page you need to cut her out
 

nush

Gold Member
Oct 16, 2017
13,858
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A long haul flight from wherever you are.


 

JayK47

Member
Nov 2, 2019
1,084
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380
Today, on Better Bachelor...

All I hear about these days is how God awful it is to be a single guy and how impossible it is to find a decent woman. I hope I am not ever single again.
 
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Ionian

Member
Apr 25, 2013
3,187
3,676
860
She is banging others and thinks can get a better deal.

Go get some strange.

You can't fix crazy.


This is not your fault. But any time and effort you waste from now on is entirely on you. Don't waste time on broken or dishonest people.

Fucking hell.

So true.

For what it's worth OP, was with a Polish woman for 12 years. Best years of my life. Well apart from the Dutch and Sicilian.

Gave me a blow-job first time I met her. *warning*. Thought WTF? Turns out she had a BF, had to confront him.

Regret nothing.
 
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Ionian

Member
Apr 25, 2013
3,187
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860
Today, on Better Bachelor...

All I hear about these days is how God awful it is to be a single guy and how impossible it is to find a decent woman. I hope I am not ever single again.

Jesus, thirsting for beans now.
 
May 8, 2019
1,438
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So this girl appears from a... Facebook group in January that you're interested in. Decide to meet in person in April, she has a 5 y/o kid and you all hit it off, start planning futures together with babies two months later in June? And then you're surprised she's pumping the brakes another 2 months later?

Where's the kid's dad? Either way, you're both too old for this bullshit. Bail out now while you're ahead.
 
Feb 26, 2015
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Aylesbury, UK
www.feedbackferret.com
So this girl appears from a... Facebook group in January that you're interested in. Decide to meet in person in April, she has a 5 y/o kid and you all hit it off, start planning futures together with babies two months later in June? And then you're surprised she's pumping the brakes another 2 months later?

Where's the kid's dad? Either way, you're both too old for this bullshit. Bail out now while you're ahead.
Oh I fully agree with what you say, it all happened VERY quickly. She has already mentioned that, I've come to realise it NOW.

Her kids Dad is around. He pays his bills, has the kid every other weekend etc. I've met him a fair few times and get on with him, they keep a respectful relationship to make sure the kid doesn't get affected more than he should.

We are both too old for this, completely agree which is why it really knocked me when it all went wrong.

I am usually pretty good with sniffing out bullshit when it comes to women, which is why I am still believing that there is no one else involved in this instance.

I'm purposely letting her do the chasing now. I do have someone else I know very interested in me, funnily enough she is also Eastern European (Slovakian) but far less crazy 😂. That said, I don't feel the same way about her as I do my ex, see her more as a friend than potential lover.

Just want to point out, I don't have a history of only dating women from Eastern Europe 🤣🤣
 

Halo is Back

Member
May 20, 2018
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Trouble is, i already did fall in love with her...really deeply
Love is a bitch and will make a man do crazy things. Take it from another man that had his emotions played with. I do not recommend you trying to force or expect a serious relationship out of this. If she really does not want (or is serious about a real relationship with you) then it's really time you evaluate what you are looking for man. If you want this to get serious then y'all are on two different wavelengths and that opens the field up for emotional trauma.

You need to clearly state what you want from her and figure out what she really wants. You don't deserve to have your feelings played with bro. Have another serious talk and figure out where y'all both stand. I'm not saying to immediately drop her from the face of the earth, but you need to temper your expectations and realize that you deserve a person that will be straight with you.
 
Feb 26, 2015
110
31
405
Aylesbury, UK
www.feedbackferret.com
Love is a bitch and will make a man do crazy things. Take it from another man that had his emotions played with. I do not recommend you trying to force or expect a serious relationship out of this. If she really does not want (or is serious about a real relationship with you) then it's really time you evaluate what you are looking for man. If you want this to get serious then y'all are on two different wavelengths and that opens the field up for emotional trauma.

You need to clearly state what you want from her and figure out what she really wants. You don't deserve to have your feelings played with bro. Have another serious talk and figure out where y'all both stand. I'm not saying to immediately drop her from the face of the earth, but you need to temper your expectations and realize that you deserve a person that will be straight with you.
Thanks dude, that's a good sensible reply and I will follow that advice
 
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Hydroxy

Member
May 1, 2020
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Sounds like she has quite a bit of baggage. A few red flags. Unwilling to commit. You do whatever you think is best for you but personally I don't like this.
 

Tschumi

Gold Member
Jul 4, 2020
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if there's one thing i've learned is that people with different childhoods to you can have entirely flipped worldviews. You don't know what early life in Poland was like for a mid-30s woman, you yourself say all your ex GFs are poms. Learn more about why she seems to be flaky, ask her direct questions, ignore the platitudes and push for answers, if u really care at least... maybe she's got an overbearing parent telling her not to rush? an ex?

do both of you a favour and be straightforward, and inqusitive.

unless u don't care that much, in which case she's got 10 years on you in the 'find someone' race
 
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Tschumi

Gold Member
Jul 4, 2020
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In that case just sit back ten years until she hits the wall and finds out her sexual marketplace value is virtually non existent.

*a brief quiet moment spent mulling over what it must be like to be incapable of attracting fly honeys*
 
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Gifmaker

Member
Oct 24, 2017
380
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This is straight forward, and it shocks me so many men still don't understand this. She's into another guy and is giving you a line. She wants you to not hate her (not because of you, women just don't like not being liked or people thinking ill of them), and she is basically lying to herself to assuage any guilt she should feel.

It's another guy. Period.

Just let her go. Or you could call her out on it and see how quickly the rage ramps up. 🤷‍♂️
This post right there. From all that OP said, it really does sound exactly like that. It's happened to us all at one point, so the recommended course of action is to detach emotionally as quickly and directly as humanly possible (which is the hardest part), and try to get the most fun out of it sex-wise for the time being, as it won't last.

Also, OP, you should absolutely do the bolded. I don't think it will improve your situation with her, but it will make for the most interesting updates to this thread, so at least you can keep us entertained moving forward.
 
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AJUMP23

Member
Sep 29, 2020
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If there is this much drama and you are not in an official relationship, the drama will intensify when you are in one. I think you have to decide, is the drama and uncertainty worth it to you. If it is then keep seeing her, and if it isn't then end the relationship.

Also I would burn that pillow. no self respecting person has a relationship pillow. :)
 

NinjaBoiX

Member
Aug 2, 2009
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Manchester, UK
There’s only one sensible way to deal with this if you genuinely want to be with her, treat her with cold detachment and hope that she loves the chase.

She’s playing games, one way or the other. So you’ll either find out that she’s not willing to put in the effort to convince you, or she’ll be into you more than ever.

But don’t let yourself get played.
That's not far off!
I don’t know if this is cute or a little weird, haha. I think it’s the cushion thing that makes it a little odd…
 

AJUMP23

Member
Sep 29, 2020
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I think you made this thread because you know the relationship is not healthy.....She is easy on the eyes, but hard on the head.

You have to stop letting her dictate as well, it is a mutual thing, you have to tell her, that we work together and talk to each other or there is nothing between us.
 
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Nikana

Go Go Neo Rangers!
Jan 26, 2016
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A. I am not going to read the oterh comments because there is no doubt we will share thoughts so I just want to put mine out there.
B. I think this thread has shown me, I am boring as fuck when it comes to drama in my life.
C. It sounds to me she wants to play the field more, and probably is, and felt guilty.
 
Feb 26, 2015
110
31
405
Aylesbury, UK
www.feedbackferret.com
There’s only one sensible way to deal with this if you genuinely want to be with her, treat her with cold detachment and hope that she loves the chase.

She’s playing games, one way or the other. So you’ll either find out that she’s not willing to put in the effort to convince you, or she’ll be into you more than ever.

But don’t let yourself get played.

I don’t know if this is cute or a little weird, haha. I think it’s the cushion thing that makes it a little odd…
Thanks, that's what I'm doing. I only message her if she messages me, she lasted a day and a half and messaged me about her son remembering a story/fairytale I made up.

I'll keep leaving it and see what happens, I'm done with chasing her as much as I do care for and love her
 
Feb 26, 2015
110
31
405
Aylesbury, UK
www.feedbackferret.com


wow, her body language in those pictures is pretty good. She really seems into you.

but still, don't ignore the red flags.
If it was just for the photos I'd think yeah, whatever but...she was all over me, all the time. We have a lot of mutual friends who saw us together a lot and they were all stunned when she ended it...they couldn't understand saying she absolutely doted on you, was always draped over you etc
 
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Feb 26, 2015
110
31
405
Aylesbury, UK
www.feedbackferret.com
There’s only one sensible way to deal with this if you genuinely want to be with her, treat her with cold detachment and hope that she loves the chase.

She’s playing games, one way or the other. So you’ll either find out that she’s not willing to put in the effort to convince you, or she’ll be into you more than ever.

But don’t let yourself get played.

I don’t know if this is cute or a little weird, haha. I think it’s the cushion thing that makes it a little odd…
There was also a keyring she had made for me... Plus a little photo for my wallet 😂
 

German Hops

Member
Jun 7, 2019
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If it was just for the photos I'd think yeah, whatever but...she was all over me, all the time. We have a lot of mutual friends who saw us together a lot and they were all stunned when she ended it...they couldn't understand saying she absolutely doted on you, was always draped over you etc
Just be sure that when she inevitably comes back, you must make her submit.
Like, have her give you analingus while she's juggling some water balloons.