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Ever miss people that aren’t in your life anymore?

Star-Lord

Gold Member
I have had some similar people around me too. Don’t take I personal, those people just move for people to people
As dickish as it sounds, I’ve done that to people in the past. And I’m not just talking way back, but recently too. It’s a defence mechanism when people get too close to me. It’s like I go into self-destruct mode. I’ve tried changing to no avail.
 
my best friend as a teenager in beijing, german guy named Paul.. he started off my love for drawing that directly lead to my style today ('show me your arts, gaf" thread), he showed me bob dylan and david bowie (i showed him tool, belle and sebastian and mogwai), we would go out to bars and sketch together.. i was a dick though, i was more sexually active and i remember once he and i were in a woman's apartment and i asked him to please leave so i could bang her... what a wanker lol

anyway, when our time in beijing ended and we left the country (around age 19) we were prefectly happy to stop communicating, it wasan't a negative thing we were just very level-headed and we were happy with the time we shared, we walked halfway across beijing on our last night together lol, him listening to tool on his ipod, i listening to david bowie (diamond dogs, my 'theme of beijing' album) by the end i was walking on the sides of my acheing feet lol

he was like the one and only 'bromance' style friendship i ever had

anyway it's like over a decade later now and i started thinking about our good times around the same time my master degree got serious lol, but he's still not replied (half a decade later), i know he's a pretty cool dude - an artist i think - and he never uses facebook, but part of me wonders if he's ignoring me because i asked him to leave that apartment that time, or was just in general a cocky self-absorbed wanker back then..

so, there, paul if you're out there i still think you're an awesome dude and loved our time together. wish we could do it again, though we can't unless u move to japan lol.

EDIT: this whole thing is a big deal because in my entire adult life i've had a grand total of 2 long term best friends, and they've both lived on the other side of the world and i've only met then 3 or 4 times since 2004. Well there's one more dude from israel, who is awesome, but our emails generally take about 3 months to elicit replies lol
Wow, that’s an amazing story, and you seemed to really have a wonderful friendship. I really hope you’ll get in touch again 💗
 
Yeah, I feel it’s hard to make friends as an adult. My other friends are local and always shoot me down when I try to make plans with them so I’ve given up.

On top of that some of them have become really materialistic which has been a turn off to me, at the same time kicking up my own insecurities about wealth and values.

One friend is that typical FB person that only posts all of the amazing vacations or sporting events he goes to. He always uses his wife as an excuse when I ask him to hang, saying she’ll be mad or whatever, but then he can go to a football game all day and get smashed.

The other friend, again, his wife is a piece of work. Total feminist, opinionated, lawnmower parent. Last week their daughter told mine on the bus that they’re millionaires, and now my kid is asking if we are millionaires and I’m like “wtf? why are kids discussing this shit?”

I get that people have kids and get busy, but they’re getting busy with other people and not me. So yeah, maybe the problem is me and not them, but I’d rather they just cut me out of their lives entirely then if that’s the case.
I agree, meeting friends as an adult is not easy. Well I hav never had many friends even as a kid, I was such a weird kid. 😂 I feel like it’s the start that’s difficult, the small talk, i hate it.. I just want to jump straight to being best friends 😂
And I guess people change and sometimes we go different paths. Don’t blame yourself for them not wanting to hang, they seem to have a very different look on life than you. Focus on your family and you’ll meet others that will be much greater friends 💗
 
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As dickish as it sounds, I’ve done that to people in the past. And I’m not just talking way back, but recently too. It’s a defence mechanism when people get too close to me. It’s like I go into self-destruct mode. I’ve tried changing to no avail.
Well it’s good you are aware of it, some aren’t. I have some trouble letting people in, I’m afraid that they’ll leave. That’s why there’s one I really miss because we got close and now we don’t talk anymore.. but try trusting people, I’ve starting to go against my instinct off closing people out and my friendship have gotten better and I have even made new friends 💗
 

Star-Lord

Gold Member
Well it’s good you are aware of it, some aren’t. I have some trouble letting people in, I’m afraid that they’ll leave. That’s why there’s one I really miss because we got close and now we don’t talk anymore.. but try trusting people, I’ve starting to go against my instinct off closing people out and my friendship have gotten better and I have even made new friends
That’s why I push them away before they have a chance to even think about leaving me. And it’s a lot easier said than done when it comes to trusting people. When you’ve been through half the shit I have, you’d understand why. I don’t trust people and I certainly hate any sort of affection or intimacy. I’m better off alone.
 
That’s why I push them away before they have a chance to even think about leaving me. And it’s a lot easier said than done when it comes to trusting people. When you’ve been through half the shit I have, you’d understand why. I don’t trust people and I certainly hate any sort of affection or intimacy. I’m better off alone.
I can actually understand, never really trusted people, but I always blame myself. Its hard letting people get close and it’s something I’ve been working on for years. Just a few I have let in and a few months ago my life turns upside down and my trust has taken a toll.. so I can understand
 

Star-Lord

Gold Member
I can actually understand, never really trusted people, but I always blame myself. Its hard letting people get close and it’s something I’ve been working on for years. Just a few I have let in and a few months ago my life turns upside down and my trust has taken a toll.. so I can understand
See, now I used to blame myself for what happened to me, but no. It’s them. It’s definitely them. And it’s because of them that I refuse to let anyone close to me, emotionally or physically. Like I said, I’m better off alone. They can’t hurt me, I can’t hurt them. It’s win-win.
 

stn

Member
I get nostalgic sometimes when I think of some of the women and friends who have come and gone. If you have people that drift apart, then it just means that either one or both of them just didn't want to keep in touch bad enough to begin with.
 

p_xavier

Authorized Fister
Quite, but not quite if that makes sense. Others have tried to get close, but my spines (insecurities) prevent that from happening. If someone pays me a compliment, my mind automatically thinks they’re either lying, mocking me, or after something. But after past events, I’m fine with having my guard up at all times.
I have a third sense to give just enough, if I start to feel I'll be hurt, I stop giving attention. I'm thankful enough to be able to live 100% on my own since last year. A poor life but a good life.
 
i had a best friend between 2004-2017. 13 years of being friends and it feels like it never meant anything. we went through so much together and i will be forever thankful for him being there for me all those times. i suffered from depression/anxiety so started to withdraw in the end i guess we just grew apart. we had a few things planned but they all fell apart. eventually we stopped talking then i found out he moved out the city so i have no idea where he lives now.

what pisses me off is that he says it's all my fault because i deleted facebook and got a new phone number (not out of trying to avoid anyone). i'm sorry he needed to rely on facebook and knowing my number to stay friends. i mean he knew exactly where i stayed and it'd take him 20 minutes to walk or 5 minutes to drive to my door. when i changed my phone number the reason he didn't get it was because i lost his when changing phone. if i had his number i'd have contacted him with it. i couldn't get his number because i didn't have facebook anymore and i had no idea where he stayed. it might sound like i'm putting all the blame on him but i'm not. i played a large part in it. i withdrew and didn't want to interact with anyone anymore.

i'm not mad at him and i know i'm to blame too. i'm just sad that our relationship didn't survive after all those years. i did manage to successfully contact him again (which is when he told me he didn't stay in touch because of facebook/my new number) and i tried to get our relationship back but it didn't work out. this was probably about 2-3 years ago and he had up until ~2 weeks ago to visit my house. just like he moved house without me knowing. i moved house and he doesn't know where i am now. chances that we run into each other again are quite slim.
 
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Mondai

Member
Sorry for the bump , just saw this topic. I miss some of my old friends (most of them we just lost contact over the years), but I still think about one of my former best friends a lot , there are a lot of great memories but in the end , I just realized what a toxic person they were and let it end, still miss those times though sometimes.
 

Z O N E

Member
Not at all.

I appreciate them for being in my life at that time, but a lot of my friends were habitual liars and I couldn't really stand being around that anymore.
 
I did, back when I entered college and Facebook was a new thing. Tried to reconnect with classmates from elementary, middle, and high school. A lot of them responded, and we'd catch up on this and that. But years passed, and I didn't really talk to most of them again. Heck I barely even logged into facebook after college. I never unfriend anyone but I know a lot of them unfriended me without me noticing. Every now and then I'd log in and see my feed and click on a random person I hadn't talked to or seen in ages/decades and see what they're up to. Most of them seem to have good lives, many were married, some in foreign countries, some got big jobs. Whenever I'd tried to message them after such a huge lapse, they'd never respond back. Or, if they did, it'd be a short conversation, curt and kinda awkward. Like where to begin, or if we even want to begin a conversation. After a while, I lost my desire to reconnect with anyone.

I only login to facebook for the marketplace now. I've shed more and more friends over the years, even the close ones, even recent ones from my career. I don't really wonder how they're doing, as I'm plenty occupied in my life right now, being married only a couple years and family is close by. I'm sure they don't think about me either. I keep in touch with a few close friends, but I just realize I don't really care for a big circle of friends, or need constant friends, or need to show off how good I've got it: that phase of life is past now.
 

Batiman

Member
It seems as you get older no one has the energy to get together. Everyone working their asses off and just want to relax after work and do their own thing. I’m guilty of this myself. We justify it by spending all our time with our kids/wife. People forget friends are just as important. Good ones at least. I’m lucky I work with 3-4 childhood friends. But even still everyone has beefs with each other over the dumbest shit.
 

spinfive

Neo Member
Yes, there's this woman who I used to work very closely with (far older than me btw) and she was very bubbly and full of personality (we all thought so of her) which is the complete opposite of me. She suddenly left and still to this day I do not know why. She was a very interesting person that to me seemed incredibly intelligent. She was a single mother with 3 kids and would ocassionaly go on to my manager about how she's divorced and its a struggle to keep up. I keep thinking of this woman because I learned alot from her and I could see this sadness deep inside of her despite how well she hid it. I no longer have any form of contact with but her ghost lingers on inside the office I work, strange but this indicates to me that I miss her a lot and it would be lovely to meet her again.
 
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Kamina

Golden Boy
My brother and his GF recently separated. She was always an awesome person. We got along nicely.
Now she isn’t part of the family anymore and we are all kinda sad and miss her ☹️
 
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Happosai

Gold Member
Sometimes. I had some great mentors back in the U.S. Particularly during high school and college. One of the reasons I abandoned a career in media arts & animation for business marketing was because my college art teacher was murdered by his own drugged up son. It scared everyone. He was the brightest light in a room, Vietnam vet turned hippie. He wore army pants, a beret, had long haired tied back in a pony tail and was a huge Tex Avery fan. I miss him.
 
I did, back when I entered college and Facebook was a new thing. Tried to reconnect with classmates from elementary, middle, and high school. A lot of them responded, and we'd catch up on this and that. But years passed, and I didn't really talk to most of them again. Heck I barely even logged into facebook after college. I never unfriend anyone but I know a lot of them unfriended me without me noticing. Every now and then I'd log in and see my feed and click on a random person I hadn't talked to or seen in ages/decades and see what they're up to. Most of them seem to have good lives, many were married, some in foreign countries, some got big jobs. Whenever I'd tried to message them after such a huge lapse, they'd never respond back. Or, if they did, it'd be a short conversation, curt and kinda awkward. Like where to begin, or if we even want to begin a conversation. After a while, I lost my desire to reconnect with anyone.

I only login to facebook for the marketplace now. I've shed more and more friends over the years, even the close ones, even recent ones from my career. I don't really wonder how they're doing, as I'm plenty occupied in my life right now, being married only a couple years and family is close by. I'm sure they don't think about me either. I keep in touch with a few close friends, but I just realize I don't really care for a big circle of friends, or need constant friends, or need to show off how good I've got it: that phase of life is past now.
Sounds like you have a really healthy look on it now. I used to think I needed lots of friends because I saw how many friends people had on Facebook, but through the years I realized I don’t need it. I like having few close friends than many distant. It’s good you’re focusing on your family’s 💛
 
It seems as you get older no one has the energy to get together. Everyone working their asses off and just want to relax after work and do their own thing. I’m guilty of this myself. We justify it by spending all our time with our kids/wife. People forget friends are just as important. Good ones at least. I’m lucky I work with 3-4 childhood friends. But even still everyone has beefs with each other over the dumbest shit.
Friends definitely are as important and it’s amazing you work with childhood friends!
 
Yes, there's this woman who I used to work very closely with (far older than me btw) and she was very bubbly and full of personality (we all thought so of her) which is the complete opposite of me. She suddenly left and still to this day I do not know why. She was a very interesting person that to me seemed incredibly intelligent. She was a single mother with 3 kids and would ocassionaly go on to my manager about how she's divorced and its a struggle to keep up. I keep thinking of this woman because I learned alot from her and I could see this sadness deep inside of her despite how well she hid it. I no longer have any form of contact with but her ghost lingers on inside the office I work, strange but this indicates to me that I miss her a lot and it would be lovely to meet her again.
Some people just stay with us like that. She sounds like a wonderful person and I do hope you’ll get the chance to connect again 💛
 
Been thinking about this and there’s people that no longer are in my life because of different reasons, mostly friends. Some friends weren’t good friends so I chose to leave the friendship, or some just took different paths and we grew apart.

I have never regretted any decision of leaving a bad friend. But I do miss some of my old friends, that I sometimes wonder if we could be friends now when we are older.

Had a very good and close friend, would say a best friend, that I lost not that long ago, we lost contact. He’s the one that showed me my first game and we have played soo many together. We knew each other for many years and it’s a weird feeling not having contact with someone you known for so long. I do wonder if we ever will have contact again and if we then can be as good friends as before or will the relationship change.

Had another friend I lost contact with but now we actually have contact, after a year of not talking. We both needed time to grow and now we have a different friendship and a better one I would say.

Have some old friends I just wonder how they are today.

Of course it’s a normal part of life to have friends that stay in your life and some don’t. Just something I have been thinking of lately :messenger_smiling_with_eyes:

Do you ever miss people (friends, parters) that no longer are a part of your life?

Friends Hug GIF by MOODMAN
Now it’s been some time since I wrote this thread and I see how much I’ve changed. I wrote this a few months after a difficult separation. Since then I got into college, meet some new friends, got closer to my family and started dating again. Really appreciate everyone that’s been sharing their stories and thoughts. 💗
 
I have a good amount of friends that I've lost touch with that I really do miss. The thing about life is you usually don't know when it's going to be the last time you hang out with someone.

I think back on my childhood friends that used to roll around the neighborhood on bikes and do stupid shit, like shoot each other with paint balls using sling shots. On nice summer nights like this we would be out until dark shooting hoops or doing whatever and then we would sit on the curb or in someones backyard and shoot the shit until someones parents kicked us out or we had to go home.

Definitely a much simpler time
 
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poodaddy

Member
I moved from the south, where all my childhood friends still live, to the Pacific Northwest, lived there for twelve years, then moved across the country to the north east coast. Friends I made in the south, friends in the west, they're just memories now. I'll never really have conventional friendships again, but that's ok. I've been married for a long time now, and I'm a father of a ten year old. To be frank, my daughter's my best friend and she's all I need.
 
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Punished Miku

Gold Member
Coworker with the sharpest sense of humor I've ever seen. We had this running game at work where we would try to smack each other's asses as hard as we possibly could without the other person seeing it coming. One time she went to the bathroom so I hid in the other bathroom with the door cracked and padded the doorway with tape so she couldn't hear it close. After she walked out of the women's restroom I creeped out and BAM. Smacked her as hard as I possibly could, and she 100% didn't know I was there. She nearly had a heart attack.

Good times ...
 

Rox598

Gold Member
Every day now tbh

All my close friends were girls so when I started going out with my EX she was seriously against it so I stupidly stopped contact...that was over 6 years ago and now I'm all alone since we broke up a month ago.

They're apparently both married now and one of them reached out to me after Xmas and I never replied to her cause my now ex GF didn't like her.

Feel like such a twat....I reached out to her but she didn't reply which I understand...she probably reached out to me to invite me to her wedding and I just ignored her so I don't blame her for not replying to me tbh.

Had a couple of guy mates but they've either moved away or have families now too.



Fucking sucks.
 
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Bragr

Member
Every day now tbh

All my close friends were girls so when I started going out with my EX she was seriously against it so I stupidly stopped contact...that was over 6 years ago and now I'm all alone since we broke up a month ago.

They're apparently both married now and one of them reached out to me after Xmas and I never replied to her cause my now ex GF didn't like her.

Feel like such a twat....I reached out to her but she didn't reply which I understand...she probably reached out to me to invite me to her wedding and I just ignored her so I don't blame her for not replying to me tbh.

Had a couple of guy mates but they've either moved away or have families now too.



Fucking sucks.
Dude, you can't hang out with girls if you have a girl, this is on you.
 

Mondai

Member
Of course, hanging out with a bunch of girls is always gonna lead to arguments with your girl, it's about respect.
Lol that’s dumb , you can be friends which whoever you want as long as your respectful. One of my best friends is a woman and we always hang out when comes to visit the island and my wife is cool with it because she knows we are just friends.
 

Bragr

Member
Lol that’s dumb , you can be friends which whoever you want as long as your respectful. One of my best friends is a woman and we always hang out when comes to visit the island and my wife is cool with it because she knows we are just friends.
Ah, come on with the feigned ignorance, don't play the lamb, I am not talking about having a friend here or there that's a woman, or female friends from work or whatever.

I am talking about if your standard friend circle is girls, and you hang out on the weekends with a bunch of women on the regular. That's a scummy thing to do.
 

Mondai

Member
Ah, come on with the feigned ignorance, don't play the lamb, I am not talking about having a friend here or there that's a woman, or female friends from work or whatever.

I am talking about if your standard friend circle is girls, and you hang out on the weekends with a bunch of women on the regular. That's a scummy thing to do.
Lol you’re still wrong , before my wife , during my college years, pretty much all my friend circle used to be girls I hung out with all the time my girlfriend at the me time was fine with it , because she’s wasn’t a jealous, controlling person. If she ever had a problem with it , she hid it from me I guess because she never said anything otherwise.
 

BennyBlanco

aka IMurRIVAL69
Sometimes I will have dreams about my HS friends. A few of them died. Others I wouldn't know how to contact. Not something I dwell on but I definitely do miss those people and that time in my life.
 

Crayon

Member
I have a bad friend I left and I miss him all the time. He was funny as fuck. And he had a toddler that I loved seeing all the time. Too bad he was an unloyal pos. And a liar.

Example: we have our laptops out and we are just about to get down with some brood war. His phone rings. I hear him tell someone some bullshit about being busy with something that was definitely not starcraft. He hangs up, and my phone rings. Turns out it's our other friend stuck on the freeway with a dead car in the middle of the nite. The guy who was stuck would give you the shirt off his back. I couldn't believe douchebagger was going to leave him like that. But really, I COULD believe it. Eventually I had enough.

But he really was hilarious.
 

Sub_Level

wants to fuck an Asian grill.
Well, if you left on bad terms and you still miss them, try to remember the bad things too. Remember what didn’t work and when you weren’t happy with them.
 

Bragr

Member
Lol you’re still wrong , before my wife , during my college years, pretty much all my friend circle used to be girls I hung out with all the time my girlfriend at the me time was fine with it , because she’s wasn’t a jealous, controlling person. If she ever had a problem with it , she hid it from me I guess because she never said anything otherwise.
There you have it, you felt offended because you are one of those people. Well, good for you if you made it work.

It has nothing to do with being jealous or controlling, it's about having respect for your partner. If you hang around with other girls during the weekends, your girlfriend will always have some sort of wonder, hidden or not, and as a good person, you don't allow that to happen because you respect her.

It's the same thing the other way around. If your girl was hanging with a bunch of dudes every weekend. It's just not something you do in a healthy relationship with someone you care about.
 

Mondai

Member
Whatever helps you sleep at night , most people aren’t insecure like that 🤷‍♂️ (because that’s what it boils down to, jealousy and insecurity ).
 
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PanzerAzel

Member
Made a friend when I was 18 and just moved away from home. We both met working at Software Etc. He was Japanese, a punk rocker. Really cool guy, and he was the closest I’ve had to a brother.

At 20 I was hit with a very severe chronic illness. He stuck by me, but to be honest I was in pretty severe hardship from 20 all the way to 44. It was a very dark time and we slowly grew apart as our lives diverged. I was in treatment, depressed, battling suicide, taking narcotics, in mental institutions, etc, he was building his career. He would answer my calls (I eventually had to move back with my folks a long distance away), but he would never make any effort to call me. Eventually I got the message and stopped calling him. But truth be told, I was such a miserable person to be around for so long that I don’t hold it against him.

But yeah, I miss the guy and think of him often. I often wonder what he would think of certain games. Life just has different paths for us all, and part of growth is loss.
 
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