It's time for FORKSMASH VOL. 4. If you don't know, I am playing every character online in 1v1 For Glory mode and recording my progress here. I'm the first character listed. Star Fox and Pokemon populate this row, along with some retro NES... things.
Volume 1
Volume 2
Volume 3
Fox vs. Robin
NO ITEMS. FOX ONLY. FINAL DESTINATION. A meme come to life. I did what ever true Fox player does: spam laser. Robin couldn't do jack to counter that. I managed to dodge some very telegraphed attacks and kept putting the hurt on him. I hit him with an up smash... THEN AN UP AIR. Two moves BACK TO BACK. At one point he was at 100% and I was at 5% and he decided to raise the white flag and jumped off the stage twice in a row. I just want everyone to know I am undefeated as Fox in 1v1. Winner: Fox
Falco vs. Ganondorf
The stage was Gerudo Valley so I'm on his home turf. Strangely, there have been a lot of Ganondorfs in 1v1. I think this is the third or fourth one I've face in Forksmash alone. He dodged all of my laser shots right from the start, so I knew this wasn't going to be fun. The trick of fighting Ganondorf is to not make stupid, stupid mistakes like running into his chokeslam or elbow. I managed to gain the advantage and was racking up some attacks in the air, but a down air sent me flying. Cool combo Ganondorf, fucking down air and done. I actually landed a few Smash attacks in to tie up the stocks when I was at 20%. There were a few scary hits, but he fell into too many of my attacks and I actually won. TEAM STAR FOX UNDEFEATED. Winner: Falco
Pikachu vs. Pit
Now I gotta play a billion Pokemon. I've never seen a Pit online in 1v1, which means this dude had to be good. He was. He was writing kanji and shit in the sky with his arrows. He pretty much decimates me with grabs the first stock and I die when he has 11%. The second stock went much smoother, though I still just had to poke at him as he dodged all my big attacks. I claimed his first stock and it was an even battle. Since I was at about 145% though, he didn't have to do much. In my defense there was some stuttering. STUTTERING. Winner: Pit
Charizard vs. Donkey Kong
This guy was Pink Donkey Kong, need I say more? I may have done the worst move in Smash history, when I ran into a fully charged DK slap. Seriously he was charging it forever and for some dumbass reason I ran right into it. It took me from about 19 to 47%. Charizard is a heavy hitter though so I can easily pump out some damage. He does the same shit every DK does which is desperately mash buttons to get a meteor attack and fails each time. He does get an up air to kill me. Ok, DK is at 100%, a flare blitz will easily crush him. Yeah it's the most predictable move but fuck it I'm going deep. I mash side B so hard I can hear the microchips inside my 3DS crack as I hurl my dumbass of the stage and too my death. DK still couldn't get in a meteor smash on my way down. Winner: Donkey Kong
Lucario vs. Rosalina
Fuck me. At least I didn't stand there and let Luma beat the shit out of me like I always do. You have to be really aggressive on Rosalina once that fucking thing is nowhere near her. If that Starfy wannabe is even on the same block as you, it will just potshot you, completely screwing up your attack. Is Rosalina flopping like a dying Magikarp and you're a split second away from smashing her? LOL NOPE LUMA FUCKING KICKS YOUR SHIN. Also if you try to counter the Luma charge, fucking Lucario just does his jump kicks TOWARDS THE LUMA. Holy shit Lucario if you weren't so useless already. Shockingly, I actually won the match. I can't believe I won with the worst Pokemon. Winner: Lucario
Jigglypuff vs. Lucina
A Game of Whiffs. I think one of us finally hit the other thirty seconds into the bout. A bit later, I roll my ass off the stage. HOW DO I STOP THIS THING? So Lucina has about 30 damage and two stocks while I have one stock as Jigglypuff. She is one of those "please let me land a Smash attack" Lucinas. This should have been an easy battle and I was clobbering her as the puff. I rolled off the stage again because of course. Winner: Lucina
Greninja vs. Donkey Kong
ANOTHER Pink Donkey Kong. I refused to stretch this out into a feature length battle and tried to blitzkrieg him. I am completely walloping him like... who's the best ninja in Naruto? Like that guy. This was almost like practice for my Greninja. I crushed him when I was about 25%. The battle got a bit more interesting a few seconds later when HOLY SHIT HE ACTUALLY LANDED A METEOR SMASH. So my huge advantage now turned into a tie, great. Keep in mind I am on the Balloon Fight stage and cannot fucking see the Shadow Sneak shadow. I basically just have to guess where that thing is going. I knew he was trying to throw me off again and land another meteor smash, so I tried to take the fight to the air and in the middle. Once again I was smacking him around, and delivered two consecutive picture perfect shadow sneaks to win. NO SCOPE. Winner: Greninja
Duck Hunt vs. Villager
Killager basically just spammed the shit out of his gyroid. Duck Hunt's bomb can bow it up, but sometimes it just changes the direction of your bomb so when you shoot it, it goes towards you! It was pretty hard to get close to him, which is what I would have to do if I wanted to win this match. Despite the spam, we were neck and neck until he threw me off the stage. He killed me with a THROW. An aerial that must have barely thrown up past the blast box tied it up. I only had 7% so it was almost as even as can be, but I couldn't penetrate past his gyroid wall and he became more defensive. I died due to some bullshit. Winner: Villager
ROB vs. Greninja
The rubber match. Will I come out of this row above .500? I only have to play maybe the most boring character in the game to make it happen. Maybe two seconds into the match I had already figured out Greninja is this goober's main and he probably has an entire team of them in Pokemon X. I basically could not do shit the entire match and just watched as Greninja did forward airs on me until the game decided enough was enough and graciously carried me outside of the blast boxes. Winner: Greninja
Forksmash record: 15-21. I feel like I only got completely decimated only once, an improvement! I need to stop throwing away victories though. Oh well, it's just an experiment. Next up, a row Sakurai was too lazy to even complete.