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Sober GAF |OT| One day at a time

Kev Kev

Gold Member
Oct 25, 2012
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Hey there, Gaffers.

Trying to get clean? Need support to help stay sober? Just want to help support other Gaffers on their sobriety journey's? You've come to the right place.

Welcome to Sober GAF.

A couple rules and comments...
  • First and foremost, no judgment ITT. You may contribute, respond, support or otherwise participate ITT, but this is meant to be a positive, uplifting atmosphere, free from judgement or puritan bullshit. If you're coming in here to shame addicts or those in recovery, please don't. Your post will be reported and removed anyway, so might as well not waste your time.
  • Secondly, if you have a problem with particular sobriety methods like AA, the Sinclair Method, Naltrexone, etc. please understand that this isn't the topic to tell someone their method to get clean is wrong or ineffective. I've participated in other sober topics on other sites and these types of criticisms only lead to arguing and derailing the central idea of the topic: to support one another on our sober journey's. Now, that doesn't mean you can't offer suggestions. You absolutely can, because that is supportive and constructive! However, for example, criticizing another Gaffer for going to AA meetings, because you don't agree with how AA incorporates religion into their methodology, is not okay.
  • Lastly, this isn't just for drugs and alcohol. This topic is for any addiction. Although the word sober implies drugs and alcohol, this topic is open to any addiction including, but not limited to, people with eating disorders, sexual addictions or even video games. Typically I've only see drug and alcohol related posts in these kinds of topics, but I just wanted to make it clear that anyone who suspects they have an addiction to something, or are beginning to develop one, is more than welcome to post here for support.
In general... don't be a dick. Posts ITT should be positive, uplifting or supportive. Of course, jokes and jabs are fine (this isn't Era lol), but let's just try to be cool with each other and stay on topic.

That's it! Feel free to comment, share your stories and offer support. I suspect this topic won't move too crazy fast, but I wanted it to be on here for those who need it. I'll give it a bump every once in a while just so other's will see it and know it's here. Come New Year's day, I'm sure many people will be looking for some kind of community just like this, so I'll also give it some attention when that time comes.

Alright GAF, let's get sober!
 
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Tesseract

Crushed by Thanos
Dec 7, 2008
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The Pentagon
based and blessed, here's some content to ignite things

thoughts tend toward virtuous or vicious loops, the strength of the spiral depends on your existential resilience and willpower






 

Ememee

Member
Apr 6, 2020
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2 years and six months sober today after coming close to killing myself with the thing in my late 20s. Thanks for making this thread.

This randomly popped up on YT the other day for me and I found it illuminating.

 
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Kev Kev

Gold Member
Oct 25, 2012
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Daytona Beach, FL
2 years and six months sober today after coming close to killing myself with the thing in my late 20s. Thanks for making this thread.

This randomly popped up on YT the other day for me and I found it illuminating.

i used that interview as motivation so many times. robin williams talking openly about his addiciton absolutely helped me stay clean, and im sure its helped countless others. its amazing what words can do to help shift someones mind into a new perspective. just words alone can help, its not exactly a solution, but its a tool we can use against falling back into addictive behavior. it also acts as a venting process, and a reminder for the speaker why they quit ot begin with. its one of the many reasons i think its so important to talk about it with others.

there is a lot of great media out there that i would go to on particularly hard days, when my depression withdrawals were at their worst. heres a scene from west wing someone shared with me one time. it really puts into words what it is to be an addict.

 

Tesseract

Crushed by Thanos
Dec 7, 2008
55,445
52,290
1,745
The Pentagon
i used that interview as motivation so many times. robin williams talking openly about his addiciton absolutely helped me stay clean, and im sure its helped countless others. its amazing what words can do to help shift someones mind into a new perspective. just words alone can help, its not exactly a solution, but its a tool we can use against falling back into addictive behavior. it also acts as a venting process, and a reminder for the speaker why they quit ot begin with. its one of the many reasons i think its so important to talk about it with others.

there is a lot of great media out there that i would go to on particularly hard days, when my depression withdrawals were at their worst. heres a scene from west wing someone shared with me one time. it really puts into words what it is to be an addict.

great scene, great character


'what would leo do'
 
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Kev Kev

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great scene, great character




oof he died so young. thats tragic. great scene man, im gonna have to memorize that story for future use.
 
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Patriots7

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Jul 15, 2008
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Nice job on the OT and congrats to all on the journey of sobriety.

Grew up in a super religious, conservative household, so my first experience with alcohol was the usual first night of college. As with many of my peers, I jumped in and never looked back.

College was normal binge drinking behavior on a daily basis. I joined a fraternity, so I probably have a very distorted view of what was normal, but it seemed that everyone was heavily drinking so I never really thought much of it (I was the responsible one of my pledge class, lol). But I think college did instill within me an inability to drink responsibly. I’m either sober or heading towards blackout. Have always been jealous of the people who can drink just one glass with dinner or as a nightcap.

Went into banking and private equity upon graduation, which also probably wasn’t a great environment. Worked 90+ hour weeks while drinking and partying through my late twenties. Wall Street compounded with the trade off of a social life and long term relationships got to me and just sent me down a hole of depression and even more drinking.

Panic attacks, blackouts, suicide attempts really forced me to start seeing a therapist last year. Never thought I’d go, but it was really helpful in terms of arming me with some tools to help cope and reduce my drinking. She actually helped me to start drinking less, working through my stress, depression and all other contributors that tended to lead me down the bottle of a fifth. Got to the point where I now just don’t drink during the week.

Coronavirus hasn’t really been conducive to me limiting my drinking, with it reducing my ability to be productive with activities to occupy my time. Working from home and we have little deal flow to monitor. Haven’t really bothered going on a date since the lockdown started. Gym still isn’t open. Haven’t really been able to get out into nature all that much (made it to IN last month for a hike). Weekend Zoom calls typically devolve into playing drinking games.

I’ve been getting back into gaming (started Bloodborne) and reading to keep me occupied. Thinking about getting my Master’s part-time. Happy to say that I haven’t really succumbed to drinking more, which I’m a little proud of because god knows that I could during these times. Committed to doing a dry August as a challenge with a bud. See how that goes.

Watching this thread because I really enjoy hearing success stories. Hope to join y’all on the path one day soon, after all, 30 is as good a time as any.
 

Kev Kev

Gold Member
Oct 25, 2012
2,115
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Daytona Beach, FL
Nice job on the OT and congrats to all on the journey of sobriety.

Grew up in a super religious, conservative household, so my first experience with alcohol was the usual first night of college. As with many of my peers, I jumped in and never looked back.

College was normal binge drinking behavior on a daily basis. I joined a fraternity, so I probably have a very distorted view of what was normal, but it seemed that everyone was heavily drinking so I never really thought much of it (I was the responsible one of my pledge class, lol). But I think college did instill within me an inability to drink responsibly. I’m either sober or heading towards blackout. Have always been jealous of the people who can drink just one glass with dinner or as a nightcap.

Went into banking and private equity upon graduation, which also probably wasn’t a great environment. Worked 90+ hour weeks while drinking and partying through my late twenties. Wall Street compounded with the trade off of a social life and long term relationships got to me and just sent me down a hole of depression and even more drinking.

Panic attacks, blackouts, suicide attempts really forced me to start seeing a therapist last year. Never thought I’d go, but it was really helpful in terms of arming me with some tools to help cope and reduce my drinking. She actually helped me to start drinking less, working through my stress, depression and all other contributors that tended to lead me down the bottle of a fifth. Got to the point where I now just don’t drink during the week.

Coronavirus hasn’t really been conducive to me limiting my drinking, with it reducing my ability to be productive with activities to occupy my time. Working from home and we have little deal flow to monitor. Haven’t really bothered going on a date since the lockdown started. Gym still isn’t open. Haven’t really been able to get out into nature all that much (made it to IN last month for a hike). Weekend Zoom calls typically devolve into playing drinking games.

I’ve been getting back into gaming (started Bloodborne) and reading to keep me occupied. Thinking about getting my Master’s part-time. Happy to say that I haven’t really succumbed to drinking more, which I’m a little proud of because god knows that I could during these times. Committed to doing a dry August as a challenge with a bud. See how that goes.

Watching this thread because I really enjoy hearing success stories. Hope to join y’all on the path one day soon, after all, 30 is as good a time as any.
thats awesome, keep it up man. sounds like you are going down the right path, and good luck with the dry august! i think that is a great idea that everyone should try. most have no idea how hard it is lol. the first week or so is easy because you feel energetic and good, but by week 2 that wears off and by week 3 you're considering sneaking a drink or just having 1 or youll start agin next month and other weird compromises. id suggest just take it one day at a time. just focus on making it sober through that day no matter what. worry about tomorrow when it comes.

thanks for sharing! that was a great story. sounds like you have a pretty awesome life
 
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BOSSMANJack

Neo Member
Jul 5, 2020
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Great OT! Thank you for making it Kev. Good journey to you my brother. This is my first post after lurking for years!

I consider myself an alcoholic and addict because once I take 1 (drink/pill/line etc.), I can't with any sort of accuracy predict how the night will unfold. I lose control, even after meticulous planning on my end. For example, "I'll only drink 2 then meet my girlfriend at the movies at 8:30". Every fiber of my being believes I'm going to execute that plan. But once the first one gets in me, something happens that changes the plan and getting more becomes the priority.

Even more importantly, once I decide to stop for good, I can't stay stopped. I may last a week or 10 days or even 3 months but there always comes a time when my brain says "this time it'll be different. You've been sober a month, you're not an alcoholic. Alcoholics can't stay sober for a month! Just stick with wine after the kids go to bed and you'll be fine. Stay away from the pills and you're good!" Then in very little time, I become worse than I was before.

I've been sober for over 10 years thanks to the work and continued work in a 12-step program. I'd be happy to share my experience with anybody, I'm an open book! Recovery is my priority and as a direct result I get to a live a life I don't deserve and one I never knew was possible. I rediscovered my love for games (which brought me to GAF, love you guys), sports, was able to resurrect a career I burned to the ground, start new careers, even got married and have awesome kids. My kids have never seen me drunk, high, or hit their mother. That was my reality when I was their age. I get to be the dad to these boys I never had. All because I said the words out loud to another human being "I'm scared, I don't know what to do, and I need help".

If you're struggling, please reach out. It might save your life like it did mine!
 

M1chl

Gold Member
Dec 25, 2019
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Just wanted to say, that I am sober 1 year and 3 months. It's after liver transplant and you can read it on this site, as you probably already know. Bois and girls, don't do what I did.

 
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Kev Kev

Gold Member
Oct 25, 2012
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Great OT! Thank you for making it Kev. Good journey to you my brother. This is my first post after lurking for years!

I consider myself an alcoholic and addict because once I take 1 (drink/pill/line etc.), I can't with any sort of accuracy predict how the night will unfold. I lose control, even after meticulous planning on my end. For example, "I'll only drink 2 then meet my girlfriend at the movies at 8:30". Every fiber of my being believes I'm going to execute that plan. But once the first one gets in me, something happens that changes the plan and getting more becomes the priority.

Even more importantly, once I decide to stop for good, I can't stay stopped. I may last a week or 10 days or even 3 months but there always comes a time when my brain says "this time it'll be different. You've been sober a month, you're not an alcoholic. Alcoholics can't stay sober for a month! Just stick with wine after the kids go to bed and you'll be fine. Stay away from the pills and you're good!" Then in very little time, I become worse than I was before.

I've been sober for over 10 years thanks to the work and continued work in a 12-step program. I'd be happy to share my experience with anybody, I'm an open book! Recovery is my priority and as a direct result I get to a live a life I don't deserve and one I never knew was possible. I rediscovered my love for games (which brought me to GAF, love you guys), sports, was able to resurrect a career I burned to the ground, start new careers, even got married and have awesome kids. My kids have never seen me drunk, high, or hit their mother. That was my reality when I was their age. I get to be the dad to these boys I never had. All because I said the words out loud to another human being "I'm scared, I don't know what to do, and I need help".

If you're struggling, please reach out. It might save your life like it did mine!
thats so awesom, congrats! and welcome to gaf, were certainly glad to have you come out of the shadows :) and great post! sounds like youve had quite the journey. thanks for offering support. these types of threads always work best when you have multiple recovering addicts around for support, so please keep comin back, we love having you.

Just wanted to say. Ill be sober 10 years this September. It saved my life. Stay strong.
thats one hell of an accomplishment. hats off to you sir! keep it goin man, and i always say dont be afraid to reach back and pull someone else up, you never knew whos life you could be saving. keep it up!

Just wanted to say, that I am sober 1 year and 3 months. It's after liver transplant and you can read it on this site, as you probably already know. Bois and girls, don't do what I did.
congratulations. and hey man, you cant change the past, only learn from it and try to create a better future. and it sounds like your doing just that. keep it goin brother. and dont be afraid to just post updates along your sober journey. seeing others post success updates and how long theyve gone really inspired me to get sober and stay sober. thanks for sharing!!

to any other lurkers out there, dont be afraid to post, you never know who it could be helping. i know it helped me a lot when i was trying to get sober.
 

M1chl

Gold Member
Dec 25, 2019
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congratulations. and hey man, you cant change the past, only learn from it and try to create a better future. and it sounds like your doing just that. keep it goin brother. and dont be afraid to just post updates along your sober journey. seeing others post success updates and how long theyve gone really inspired me to get sober and stay sober. thanks for sharing!!

to any other lurkers out there, dont be afraid to post, you never know who it could be helping. i know it helped me a lot when i was trying to get sober.
You know, I don't feel like I would even like to change the past. That liver transplant, helped me with overcome my mental issues. I have ZERO urge to drink and I am happy sober, nothing can change that. I am once again an abstinent and I happy at that.

And you know what, probably nothing will ever make you feel as good as Ethanol. I've been heavily medicated after surgery with Fentanyl and that shit is weak in comparison to Alcohol. I don't get why people get hooked on opiods. But sobriety is worth it, since you can get as close as possible to feeling drunk in real life, you just cannot give up. Dying and things past that, they make you feel like you are high, drunk etc. You brain is programmed for it. And to put it blankly, you don't drink your fines Vine/Whisky on every occasion right? So make it count, so your final high could be the best one.
 
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Bartski

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Jan 15, 2020
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Props for the thread.

I've been 100% sober since 01.11.2015 after almost 20 years of getting intoxicated daily with just about everything except for opiates (I started when I was 13).

Sober life is VERY difficult at times and has a coping dark side that is kept well hidden behind all the motivational speeches and success stories. For a good reason. It's close to impossible to comprehend for an active addict that it's still worth the effort and the sacrifice it comes wth. You have one life and living it even without some of its bells and whistles is still usually better than getting yourself killed and the whole trick is to learn how to notice that.

I spent over 10 years dj'ing clubs and nightlife/party scene was literally my job, that's a lot of vodka, MDMA, various amphetamine byproducts and periods of romancing with coke.

Having lost control over alcohol was what got me eventually got me to therapy but I have a lot of experience with corss addiction and I'm happy to speak about it if anyone's interested.

That also includes growing up and living smoking pot every day for way over half of my life and doing a shitton of acid and mushrooms in high school and the deep abyss of apathy and depression it all can trap you in.
 

-Minsc-

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Great thread. About nine weeks since my last porn binge. Still on the fence as to whether I can play video games or watch anime and YouTube. The binge mindset is really draining.

I was thinking earlier about asking in the Mental Health OT if anyone wanted to join a "GAF Anonymous" Discord. Before getting there I find this thread. The idea I have is a private Discord where NeoGAF members can have scheduled meetings based on the twelve steps and traditions of AA and other 12-step fellowships where members can learn to deal with their addictive and compulsive behaviors. While a forum such as this has anonymity from our every day lives I do believe it's too public for a person to open up about certain issues before being ready to do so. Anyone who is interested is welcome to send me a PM.
 

Kev Kev

Gold Member
Oct 25, 2012
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Great thread. About nine weeks since my last porn binge. Still on the fence as to whether I can play video games or watch anime and YouTube. The binge mindset is really draining.

I was thinking earlier about asking in the Mental Health OT if anyone wanted to join a "GAF Anonymous" Discord. Before getting there I find this thread. The idea I have is a private Discord where NeoGAF members can have scheduled meetings based on the twelve steps and traditions of AA and other 12-step fellowships where members can learn to deal with their addictive and compulsive behaviors. While a forum such as this has anonymity from our every day lives I do believe it's too public for a person to open up about certain issues before being ready to do so. Anyone who is interested is welcome to send me a PM.
great idea man. i'm sure a lot of people could benefit from that. i hope it works out!
 

Thaedolus

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Jun 9, 2004
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Alright sober GAF I’m jumping on the wagon. My vice is the alkyhawl. You could probably peg me as a high functioning alcoholic: don’t miss work, get my shit done, don’t have days I can’t get outta bed but...it’s definitely something that has more control over me than I have over it many days. And with COVID out there and my ass getting fatter, I need to take care of my liver and drop some weight. Don’t know if I’m done for life but let’s start with to the end of August.

Start the clock.
 

Kev Kev

Gold Member
Oct 25, 2012
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Daytona Beach, FL
Alright sober GAF I’m jumping on the wagon. My vice is the alkyhawl. You could probably peg me as a high functioning alcoholic: don’t miss work, get my shit done, don’t have days I can’t get outta bed but...it’s definitely something that has more control over me than I have over it many days. And with COVID out there and my ass getting fatter, I need to take care of my liver and drop some weight. Don’t know if I’m done for life but let’s start with to the end of August.

Start the clock.
thats great! end of august is totally doable, and i guarantee youll feel better by the end of it, probably even learn a little something about yourself along the way. fair warning: it can be very challenging (but it sounds like you already understand that). the first week can be a breeze for some, but its that 2nd and 3rd when your brain/body realizes that you arent going to be getting back into your normal routine anytime soon, and it starts freaking out. youll be coming up with all kind of excuses and reason to think you deserve a drink. and that little voice that says "its just one drink" is definitely coming to a theatre near you.

but be true to yourself! do the thing you said you were gonna do. i know you can do it bc i did it, and im a complete fuck up lol. try not to burden your mind with keeping track of days and countdowns and thinking about how long you have left. just focus on one day at a time. wake up in the morning and say to yourself "im just going to get through today, and ill worry about tomorrow when tomorrow comes". i cant overstate how much that mindset helped me.

and of course, visit the thread for support and updates on your progress. who knows, maybe you will inspire someone else to do the same. if anything, i know just talking about it helps reinforce my resolve, maybe itll help you too.

good luck!
 
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Thaedolus

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I have way too many bad experiences after 'stocking up'.
Yeah, if I have it in the house there’s no way I’m letting it be. Liquor is more expensive where I live than in neighboring states so I’ve done the stock up before thinking it’d last me forever! Turns out I just drank twice as much until it was gone hah.

No issues abstaining today lads. I expect to sleep well tonight and wake up feeling great
 

TeezzyD

Fantastik Tuna
Mar 18, 2020
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Despite turning into a bit of a loud mouth, drinking was never an issue for me - but I sure as hell had my run with pills, blow, weed, ciggies, and psychedelics. I was in rough shape during my teens to mid twenties.

I just wanna say that I hold a lot of respect for the people in this thread. It's not an easy thing to just straight up face reality on a daily basis. Most people find it unnerving and peculiar tbh, but that really shouldn't be the case. Reality is trippy enough to have to escape from it all the time. I'd still have a drink, but I can't remember the last time I actually went out to enjoy one. Maybe if some cutie at a bar were there, even so... probably nah. Other than that I'm sober. People find it weird that I'm the sober one because I'm sorta loopy and they know my history. It's okay though, I'm glad I got that out of my system. I don't have a date or anything, I just sorta stopped it all. I've felt better since.

This should be here also:


Stay blessed y'all. Lift weights and read books. I'm tellin ya.
 
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Tuff McNutt

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Jun 15, 2020
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Yeah, if I have it in the house there’s no way I’m letting it be. Liquor is more expensive where I live than in neighboring states so I’ve done the stock up before thinking it’d last me forever! Turns out I just drank twice as much until it was gone hah.

No issues abstaining today lads. I expect to sleep well tonight and wake up feeling great
Good job, man. Just keep in mind what Kev Kev said and that there is a bit of a "honeymoon" period. If you've been a hard drinker for a while, it takes some time for it to be fully flushed from your system, and that is when another wave of withdrawals hit.

For me, it was about a month in and they were not as bad physically, but probably worse mentally. It was a lot like quitting cigarettes at that point. I didn't have shakes, nausea, etc. but there was a definite kind of "buzzing" in my brain with headaches and I just wanted to have a drink all day every day even though I really had no reason to. At that point, I just drank a lot of water or Gatorade because 1) it will help flush your system and 2) a lot of drinking (like cigarettes) is the physical act of doing it.

Just keep at it and realize you can only control right now. Like you can't say you'll be sober this time next year, or tomorrow, or even an hour later, but you can be sober at this moment. And if you do have a slip up, it's not the end of the world and you don't go fully down the hole you've dug for yourself.
 
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Kev Kev

Gold Member
Oct 25, 2012
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Daytona Beach, FL
Good job, man. Just keep in mind what Kev Kev said and that there is a bit of a "honeymoon" period. If you've been a hard drinker for a while, it takes some time for it to be fully flushed from your system, and that is when another wave of withdrawals hit.

For me, it was about a month in and they were not as bad physically, but probably worse mentally. It was a lot like quitting cigarettes at that point. I didn't have shakes, nausea, etc. but there was a definite kind of "buzzing" in my brain with headaches and I just wanted to have a drink all day every day even though I really had no reason to. At that point, I just drank a lot of water or Gatorade because 1) it will help flush your system and 2) a lot of drinking (like cigarettes) is the physical act of doing it.

Just keep at it and realize you can only control right now. Like you can't say you'll be sober this time next year, or tomorrow, or even an hour later, but you can be sober at this moment. And if you do have a slip up, it's not the end of the world and you don't go fully down the hole you've dug for yourself.
wow, this is so awesome, great post man

heres a video for anyone trying to find motivation to get clean and/or stay clean.. i probably watched it and other videos near daily to help keep my mind right and get the goal back in focus. little things like this are tools we can use.

sometimes i just need a trigger to start having a good day. i think its important for every addict to do. whatever it is for you, make it positive and get into the routine of waking up on time and having good productive mornings. its key for a lot of things in life, but one thing i think an addict needs to do is have some structure. we have addictive personalities. we find something we like and we want to do it over and over. sometimes we like a thing so much that we say "ah fuck structure this is awesome!". hell, its probably no coincidence that we all wound up meeting each other on a video game forum.

so, for me, going to the gym was a big morning routine of mine for a long time, and it's absolutely what helped me get sober an stay sober. but i did other things too, like kayaking sunday mornings, or making sure to get my run in even if it wasnt a work out day, or write a song, read a book, coffee, etc. anything that kept me from sitting there stewing about how bad i wanted to drink. so use all the tools you have and stay focused on the goal.

 

Tuff McNutt

Member
Jun 15, 2020
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The land of sky blue waters
pornhub.com
Yep, definitely for me the "down time" was an accelerator in my drinking, especially with COVID quarantine and working for home. Finding new activities does help a lot, now I garden and mod game systems. It helped me a lot to learn something new plus the physical act of doing it (especially the gardening) is less time a drink would be in my hand.

Here's to starting a new day with a tall glass of water versus vodka and pills. Best of luck to you guys today!
 

Thaedolus

Member
Jun 9, 2004
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I’m not finding myself physically having any issues (I had already begun reducing intake and going a couple days at a time without before I cut it off completely) but I do notice I have a habitual inclination to drop by the liquor store on the way home or want to drop downstairs to my office to pour some vodka in my drink, stuff along those lines. It’s just a quick reminder that “not doing that shit anymore” but it’s crazy how normal that felt.

Anyway, still on the wagon, mental clarity and physical benefits already manifesting themselves.
 

-Minsc-

Member
Nov 14, 2009
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its key for a lot of things in life, but one thing i think an addict needs to do is have some structure. we have addictive personalities. we find something we like and we want to do it over and over. sometimes we like a thing so much that we say "ah fuck structure this is awesome!". hell, its probably no coincidence that we all wound up meeting each other on a video game forum.
I see a lot of help in these lines.

A healthy structure is something I lack. There is an unhealthy structure in place where I tell myself I should get to bed at a reasonable time and then proceed to do a routine activity (such as playing STO) and end up getting around four hours sleep. Changing my boundaries seems tough.


Twelve Step fellowship or not, I've getting a better understanding of "We". Reflecting I can tell I have kept people at a distance from a very young age. Progressive distancing choices I made from kindergarten through into adulthood have kept me from connecting with others in a reasonable form. Twenty years ago, on my first summer out of high school, I signed up and began posting on the IGN Boards. It was a form of connecting with people "out there" when I didn't go anywhere and had no drivers license. I feel in all this time I've never connected with people. I've conversed and interacted with people but not connect. Anyone I've talked to on these forums has, in a way, been a tool and not a person. Essentially I do not see other people here as people. Is this the shedding of a near life one binding? Perhaps.
 

-Minsc-

Member
Nov 14, 2009
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It is said journaling can help. Giving things away as well.

Here's something I wrote about today.

"Lying to my grandmother. I remember taking apart her hairdryer. Curiousity. A bit of panic set in when I could not figure out how to get it back together properly. Noticed some browned wires and left a note saying I thought it was not safe to use anymore, hid that I did not now what I was doing. There was a lie and truth mixed together."

This is back when I was a teenager. Not being honest and coming forward with my mistake. Avoidance, baked into my mind. Since I remember this I can see how it was an important mistake. Seems there's some peace to make with my late grandmother.
 

haxan7

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I’ve been sober for almost a month now. I’ve been taking AWFUL dumps. Used to take massive toilet blockers, fully satisfying release with a quick wipe. My dumps for the last few weeks have all been at irregular times, take forever to wipe, and don’t feel like a full release.

Anyone else experienced that getting sober?
 

chixdiggit

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My goal last week was to have zero alcohol from Sunday up until Saturday night. I made it to Friday night when my friend bought me a beer at a restaurant. I know it's an excuse but I didn't want to be rude so I drank the beer. (it was incredibly delicious).
The good news is that I only had the one. While everyone was drinking in excess I managed to only have that one beer the entire night. Serious major breakthrough for me.
Saturday night I had a few beers as planned but nothing over the top (like 6) and no liquor.

So this week same thing. Have not had a drop of alcohol since Saturday. Hoping to make it to Saturday night and control my consumption to be casual about my drinking.
 

Tuff McNutt

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I’ve been sober for almost a month now. I’ve been taking AWFUL dumps. Used to take massive toilet blockers, fully satisfying release with a quick wipe. My dumps for the last few weeks have all been at irregular times, take forever to wipe, and don’t feel like a full release.

Anyone else experienced that getting sober?
Yeah I had a lot of stomach/bathroom "issues" when I was quitting.

It might help to to eat high fiber food like broccoli or take Metamucil.
 

-Minsc-

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My goal last week was to have zero alcohol from Sunday up until Saturday night. I made it to Friday night when my friend bought me a beer at a restaurant. I know it's an excuse but I didn't want to be rude so I drank the beer. (it was incredibly delicious).
The good news is that I only had the one. While everyone was drinking in excess I managed to only have that one beer the entire night. Serious major breakthrough for me.
Saturday night I had a few beers as planned but nothing over the top (like 6) and no liquor.

So this week same thing. Have not had a drop of alcohol since Saturday. Hoping to make it to Saturday night and control my consumption to be casual about my drinking.
Awesome breakthrough, you did well.

I pose a question. Which is more important to you, your zero alcohol target or appeasing a friend before you've hit your goal? I believe it's perfectly acceptable to decline the drink. Simply say you have a zero alcohol target. A good friend will understand and be supportive. Being aware of these little things can keep us on track.
 

chixdiggit

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Awesome breakthrough, you did well.

I pose a question. Which is more important to you, your zero alcohol target or appeasing a friend before you've hit your goal? I believe it's perfectly acceptable to decline the drink. Simply say you have a zero alcohol target. A good friend will understand and be supportive. Being aware of these little things can keep us on track.
Thanks! Appreciate the kind words.
Appeasing the friend was just a bullshit excuse. I know I could have said no and he would have been cool with that. Drinking the beer really had nothing to do with making my friend happy but just an excuse in my head because I really wanted to drink it. I felt disappointed in myself immediately after the first drink. Though I am pretty proud of myself for stopping after one.
 

Bartski

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Being at the point of exercising "no drinking period challenge" is a very good indicator that the problem you're facing may require more radical steps than this.

There is no shame in seeking professional medical consultancy. It does not immediately put you on treatment and it should be anonymous (not sure about the law in USA about this) but it's important to understand your own addiction and the specific role it plays in your life. Various regulatory functions it has for human emotion, all the triggers and habits, both social and non social.
The first explanation that usually comes to mind when you think about it - "I just like to get fucked up. It's fun". But usually it's way more than that and often getting to the bottom of it is the key to get out.

Its important to have some support. I was lucky enough to have had my now ex girlfriend who might have just saved my life. If you don't have any - seek a support group. Can be AA but organized, supervised group therapy for various addicts is IMO the best idea. And the first deep water dive - when was the last time you've managed to openly speak about how you feel while not being drunk or high? I'm guessing it's been a while.

You have a chance to get to know people for whom it's just as big of a challenge as for yourself. You get perspective. And usually notice shit you're in is relatively hollow to what others may be pulling through. That's a blessing for motivation and helped me a lot.

I found myself new hobbies. As mentioned before, sport is great. Mainly because it gives you kicks. It's a new and healthy way of releasing dopamine and serotonin at a time you need it the most.
I've never been in a better physical shape than I am now and it's been getting better ever since.

The social coping of being sober is something I'm having the biggest problem figuring out 'till this day. Most people simply don't understand what you're going through and never will, not in bad faith. Friends will want to celebrate your new lifestyle with an occasional like-in-the-good-old-days. Unfortunately - most of them have to go. A lot of what you were about has to go.

What most of us do in life is chase the "ideal I", an imagined scenario XYZ that we think will finally make us happy. We usually imagine it as various colours of success.
But if we manage get there eventually (I know because I have) turns out there is nothing there to make us less miserable, because what makes us miserable is not the lack of something but a presence something. In the background. It can be drugs, it can be alcohol, it can be toxic relationships, it can be your toxic family, your job, so many things.

It takes an enormous effort just to identify what is that actually makes you unhappy in life. Most of us feel trapped in it. But when you do eventually manage to identify it, the biggest challenge is to get rid of it. That's your final boss. And when you do defeat him: successfully change something, sacrifice something, let go - as impossible as it may seem - turns out what is left, as boring and mundane as it might have seemed - is pretty great! It's fun. It makes you feel much better than you've ever felt before chasing the unicorn when loaded. You just never noticed before.

Sobriety teaches you that. It's the cliche "finding happiness in small things" in practice. It works and it's worth it.
 

Thaedolus

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haxan7 haxan7 I haven't had that particular issue but I have noticed GI stuff can take a minute to stabilize...in particular after some heavy periods then facing withdrawal, I'd get all sorts of weird issues like lack of appetite or the shits. I haven't had that this go round, but I think maybe I had some post-acute withdrawals yesterday when I got a crushing headache most of the day and most of last night. Still, just hit a week. I feel much better today. I hope that doesn't become a common recurring thing but at least I know it'll go away within a day or two...
 

haxan7

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haxan7 haxan7 I haven't had that particular issue but I have noticed GI stuff can take a minute to stabilize...in particular after some heavy periods then facing withdrawal, I'd get all sorts of weird issues like lack of appetite or the shits. I haven't had that this go round, but I think maybe I had some post-acute withdrawals yesterday when I got a crushing headache most of the day and most of last night. Still, just hit a week. I feel much better today. I hope that doesn't become a common recurring thing but at least I know it'll go away within a day or two...
I had headaches almost every night into the morning for the first 2 weeks or so... I didn't even connect the dots that it was from stopping the booze until a couple days before it stopped
 

SaturnSaturn

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Disclaimer: I still get plastered every new year, but have kicked pills for about 2 month now. Never used to take benzos that much, only once a week i would take 3-5 valiums combined with beer to relax and zone out. And used to binge drink to a extreme ammount, Also used to take schizophrenia pills to stop my brain from beeing able to form thoughts/feelings every night for a few years. So i never really faced my "demons" until recently when i got dumped when quarantine started.

I honestly always hated myself, i was severly underweight and a wreck, i would cringe when i looked in the mirror, so instead of trying to fix it i would just wait until the weekend so i could get fucked up, "patting" myself on the back for beeing good enough to last until the weekend sober, so i deserved a reward. So about 2-3 years in my early twenties i got fucked up every weekend, spent about, 35.000 dollars (converting for you americans.) on alchol on those 2.5 years, lots of random one night stands and fucked up behavior that i honestly was really ashamed of, but at the time it was the only closnes to friends and human contact i had, so that was my way of coping, getting fucked up and getting someone in bed with me, to experinece some human contact.

Lots of rumors and "labels" that still stick to me to this day as a womanizer as is normal in a small town, and im not probably getting rid of them anytime soon. But in the end, that was my way of coping with the feeling of constant loneliness, also beeing to scared to go into a relationship due to low self esteem and self hatred, so when i got into a committed relationship for the first time in 5 years, (i had honestly cut out partying for about 1-2 years at that point, but started with benzos when i quit partying, in secret of course.) and it was put under heavy strain due to she hearing all those rumors and labels from other girls and friends about me.

So it collapsed some months ago at the start of quarantine, (also due to me beeing a anxious mess, not trying to shift all the blame lol) i was devestated for two months felt worse than a familiy member dying so i found myself alone with lots of time to self reflect and think.

What made me kick the pills was the realization that we as humans are not meant to be comfortable all the time, pluss i honestly wanted to prove to everyone that i would not be destroyed over a girl, that i can emerge stronger than ever.

Everytime i feel the craving for pills now i just say to myself "im not going to use it as a crutch to cope", and it really works, its hard but i know it to be true, lots of reprogramming of the mind, forcing myself to think more positive, trying to live following my internal compass, i honestly belive its essential to avoid self hatred, it has helped a lot, and trying to make today a bit better than yesterday.

Got a job for the first time in years, and started working out, have gained about 12lbs in these few months. the self hatred is mostly gone, I am in my late 20s now, and i can say i have honestly never felt this "good" in my life, i still crave pills every weekend, but i refrain from it for now. This is the path im meant to take.

So advice from a young guy, dont watch the news (it will only bring you down subconsciously), start following your moral compass and dont fall for the lie of moral relativism,(It will crush your soul if you do.) start accepting the fact that there is nothing wrong with feeling uncomfortable, and last but not least work out, go for a run, hit the weights.

I have no idea if this was to much info or not for this thread, but it felt cathartic to write down, i have honestly not done it before, (trying to get out of my comfort zone) thanks for reading.
 
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-Minsc-

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Thanks! Appreciate the kind words.
Appeasing the friend was just a bullshit excuse. I know I could have said no and he would have been cool with that. Drinking the beer really had nothing to do with making my friend happy but just an excuse in my head because I really wanted to drink it. I felt disappointed in myself immediately after the first drink. Though I am pretty proud of myself for stopping after one.
You are welcome. Every little slip is a lesson to embrace and cherish.

I have no idea if this was to much info or not for this thread, but it felt cathartic to write down, i have honestly not done it before, (trying to get out of my comfort zone) thanks for reading.
Any info you feel comfortable is fit for this thread. Sharing allows one to give away what one has bottled up and gives the opportunity for another to relate and connect. If there are things you are not comfortable sharing on the open forum you can instead PM myself or any other member here. Journaling is another option if one isn't yet comfortable sharing with another.

---

One small positive I can say for me is I did not get on and play STO this morning. One current daily routine broken.

---

I've been attending a Sexaholics Anonymous fellowship for over a year and a half now. Still have yet to give my first step to the group.

"We admitted we were powerless over lust - that our lives had become unmanageable."

The very first word, "we" is the start of it all. "We" means I no longer do this alone. Going at it alone is what lead to the unmanageability of my life in the first place.

I suppose I should follow my above advice and share what I'm comfortable sharing to them.
 
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-Minsc-

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Thaedolus

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What up sober bitches. Just got back from camping, hiked a few miles at 9,000ft carrying my toddler in a backpack and felt like I had more stamina and lungs than I’ve had in a long time. Exercise is becoming more enjoyable than a slog. Had a headache again one of the days but otherwise still seeing the benefits