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Relationship Issues

Meowzers

Member
Jun 1, 2017
1,180
1,300
625
Wales
Me and my girl may be breaking up and I want to do anything to reassure her I won't mess up again.

Basically a few weeks ago she had to self-isolate the next town over and was on her own. Whilst she was there we kept in touch. But because she mentioned that in her family there were a few deaths and illnesses and said 'it's one thing after another' I sort of assumed it meant she was breaking up with me, which was stupid to think looking back now.

Here's the real stupid bit. I got more convinced things were over when I sent her lovey messages and she just sent back thumbs-up emoji's. But then a day or 2 before the shit hit the fan, she sent intimate pictures to me, and she's a real prude as well. She's someone you can really trust. Even after that I still felt she may break up with me after isolation.

So I sent another lovey message at night, I knew she read it but hadn't replied the next morning, so then I got irritated with her and she says I'm really insecure. I'm trying my best to say this will never happen again but I'm not really sure how to reassure her.

Please help. Thanks.
 

jufonuk

not tag worthy
Jan 1, 2009
12,579
5,863
1,560
Jim.
Ahh the combination of text where it can be interpreted many ways and anxiety great times.

I would leave it and next time you talk just make it over the phone she could be unwell as fuck and just wants to not be dealing with reassuring you.
Wait until she is better, before you talk don’t rush her

don’t beat yourself up.
stop assuming the worst. It makes you read anything negatively. The thumbs up could be from her POV a super enthusiastic response but you think it’s a sarcastic one.

did you flip out at her via text or just just reading what she is saying and trying to find meaning where there is none ?!?
 
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RavenSan

Off-Site Inflammatory Member
Oct 21, 2013
781
612
955
www.eriksucksatmoney.com
Just give her space. How long have you been dating?
This man is right. If she's gonna break up with you, she's gonna break up with you. Nothing you can do will change that realistically. I know it's not always easy, but the best thing you can do is be confident in what you have to offer. Be yourself, and understand that if she does break it off with you, it's not an insult to you as a person. She just didn't click with you the way you thought you clicked with her.

That's not to say don't learn a lesson and try and grow as a person, of course you should, but you can't put your entire sense of self-worth in a relationship. That's a one-way ticket to miserable.

Hope it works out for you mate.
 

AJUMP23

Member
Sep 29, 2020
5,931
7,324
620
Relax and just talk to each other. Be honest about your insecurities, and tell her that what you think about her.

EDIT: Come up with more than I love you. Talk about specific things that you value in her.
 
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BigBooper

Member
Feb 28, 2018
4,061
4,805
680
You're coming to us for advice because she said you were being too insecure? She's right. Time to start think WJWDT, Would John Wayne Do That? before texting or speaking.

Edit: you can substitute Chuck Norris
 
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jufonuk

not tag worthy
Jan 1, 2009
12,579
5,863
1,560
Jim.
You're coming to us for advice because she said you were being too insecure? She's right. Time to start think WJWDT, Would John Wayne Do That? before texting or speaking.

Edit: you can substitute Chuck Norris
The Office Dwight GIF
 

Nikana

Go Go Neo Rangers!
Jan 26, 2016
11,611
16,554
915
This man is right. If she's gonna break up with you, she's gonna break up with you. Nothing you can do will change that realistically. I know it's not always easy, but the best thing you can do is be confident in what you have to offer. Be yourself, and understand that if she does break it off with you, it's not an insult to you as a person. She just didn't click with you the way you thought you clicked with her.

That's not to say don't learn a lesson and try and grow as a person, of course you should, but you can't put your entire sense of self-worth in a relationship. That's a one-way ticket to miserable.

Hope it works out for you mate.
I second this.

If you have to force anything to make the relationship work you are cheating yourself and the relationship.
 

deathsaber

Member
Sep 14, 2017
94
64
295
Yeah, you are clearly just being "too much" right now. You need to calm down and give her some space. When you do interact (less frequently, because thats clearly the signal you are being given right now), just be normal, pleasant, friendly, not "insecure guy", who is either trying too hard to please, being overcomplimentary to her, or trying to constantly diagnose problems with yourself and apologizing, and definitely stop fishing for replies because you think she isn't responding fast or often enough, or isn't coming off as affectionate or "lovey dovey" as you'd like.

I would also start mentally preparing that maybe she isn't as into you as you are into her and a breakup could be on the way. Not saying this to be cruel, it just happens. If it does, don't beg, simper, grovel, or talk of "winning her back" because that shit never works.

But you know, if you cool it, be normal and pleasant, more sparing with your communication, and be more of a supportive friend (which sounds like what she needs more now rather than clingy boyfriend) maybe this will blow over and things will progress to a better place, who knows?
 
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GHG

Member
Nov 9, 2006
26,839
42,163
1,995
Why you acting all paranoid?

Sort out your self worth. Gym, hobbies, career and generally work on bettering yourself. You should feel comfortable enough in yourself that both:

A) you should feel like she should be happy to have you.

And

B) in the event that she were to break up with you for whatever reason you will be fine to both go on by yourself and to be able to find someone else if you wanted to.

In summary sort your self-esteem out, learn to love yourself.
 
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AlteredForms

Member
Oct 22, 2013
3,470
2,124
815
Me and my girl may be breaking up and I want to do anything to reassure her I won't mess up again.

Basically a few weeks ago she had to self-isolate the next town over and was on her own. Whilst she was there we kept in touch. But because she mentioned that in her family there were a few deaths and illnesses and said 'it's one thing after another' I sort of assumed it meant she was breaking up with me, which was stupid to think looking back now.

Here's the real stupid bit. I got more convinced things were over when I sent her lovey messages and she just sent back thumbs-up emoji's. But then a day or 2 before the shit hit the fan, she sent intimate pictures to me, and she's a real prude as well. She's someone you can really trust. Even after that I still felt she may break up with me after isolation.

So I sent another lovey message at night, I knew she read it but hadn't replied the next morning, so then I got irritated with her and she says I'm really insecure. I'm trying my best to say this will never happen again but I'm not really sure how to reassure her.

Please help. Thanks.
You're the same dude who was bragging about that Welsh woman with huge assets. Me and Vier Vier were messing around about the whole situation and never got a follow-up story. Now it all makes sense as it was probably bull. Sticking on topic however it appears as though you're too nice of a man and that's a problem when it comes to women. They want tenderness in measured doses when it matters the most, not all the time to the point it becomes unbearable and unattractive. You're the type who says "I love you honeybunny" before she sleeps or opens the car door for her when dining out. You claim "she's someone you can really trust" but she pities you because she wants a real man. And that man is me, hand over those details!
 

MachRc

Member
Mar 19, 2021
381
875
315
lol

anyways

don't let your insecure feelings take over the situation.
You want this girl to like you as much as you like her.
As hot and unforgettable she can be, remember you're the prize here.


It doesnt mean brush her off your shoulder, but try your best to not act so clingy.
At first I thought you cheated on her.


I was hoping you did reading it.
This thread would have been rated of 6 on the horny meter.
Now its like a 2.5
 

Punished Miku

Gold Member
Jan 13, 2018
10,017
21,316
1,010
Basically you don't trust her. You're constantly needing additional validation that you two are okay, and she is constantly failing to do that. Either you are neurotic, or she is poor at communication, or you two genuinely have issues and you're just correctly worrying about it. Or all 3.
 
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KrakenIPA

Member
Dec 19, 2020
284
325
280
Please help. Thanks.
It's difficult to convey your true feelings through texting and emojis, you risk being misinterpreted, but these days and times nudge us into that position. I would recommend a casual phone call where hopefully you can remind each other why you got together in the first place (you enjoy each other's company).
If you believe there is still life in the relationship, then make an effort to vitalize it. Keep in mind that doing or saying something that you will regret is inevitable, but processing that will be easier with understanding that there was no way of avoiding it. Good luck, godspeed.
 

p_xavier

Authorized Fister
Jun 9, 2004
4,814
1,769
1,845
Canadia
Women hate insecure people, you're not helping. You need to work on yourself. I don't see anything out of the ordinary with the message situation. Don't be clingy, women talk on their terms, not yours. Also have a phone discussion once a week, discussing how things are going and not referencing any text messages that might have not have been perceived the right way.
 

NoLootBoxDev

Member
Mar 23, 2012
837
472
870
Heredia,Costa Rica
Stop thinking like that. First, you can have a girlfriend, wife, lover you name it, it does not matter if there is no trust. Second, if she does not want to be with you well that's it. I am married (6 years), I trust my wife and love her, but at the same time if someday she tells me: "I do not want to be with you" I will accept it and move on.
 
Mar 3, 2020
1,603
2,520
445
Everything everyone above said about texts. Nothing beats a face to face chat. If you can't meet up then use Facetime or Zoom.

Plus you can ask to see her tits on a video call. It's a win, win.
 
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Kamina

Golden Boy
Jun 2, 2013
8,344
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35
Austria
She sent you nudes and you think she is breaking up because of some smilie shit?
Stop trying to read between the lines, give her space and dont worry. I am sure all is well.
 
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Coolwhhip

Member
Aug 26, 2019
4,329
13,818
670
She sent you nudes and you think she is breaking up because of some smilie shit?
Stop trying to read between the lines, give her space and dont worry. I am sure all is well.

My ex sent nudes while already chatting to some other dude. You never know.
 
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Winter John

Member
Mar 9, 2014
2,123
1,508
870
Well, bein realistic she’s more than likely halfway out the door. Nothing is more unattractive to a woman than a needy guy. You got to pull that shit back before she starts sending her dick picks to some other dude.
What you want to do is find a hot chick. It dont have to be one you know. Just grab a random hot chick. Make some bullshit excuse and get a photo of the two of you. Post that on your Facebook with some comment like it was so good to see you again Brandi. Really love hanging out with you. I guarantee your gf will be on the phone within minutes.
 

Coolwhhip

Member
Aug 26, 2019
4,329
13,818
670
Well, bein realistic she’s more than likely halfway out the door. Nothing is more unattractive to a woman than a needy guy. You got to pull that shit back before she starts sending her dick picks to some other dude.
What you want to do is find a hot chick. It dont have to be one you know. Just grab a random hot chick. Make some bullshit excuse and get a photo of the two of you. Post that on your Facebook with some comment like it was so good to see you again Brandi. Really love hanging out with you. I guarantee your gf will be on the phone within minutes.

Ahh mind games, the foundation of any good relationship!
 

Keihart

Member
Jun 23, 2013
5,888
4,398
875
Maybe she is right and you are acting insecure, proven by the thread even.
On the other hand, it's kinda shit if you have to keep asking for attention.

I have no idea what's going on with your girlfriend and you but i would just give her some space and then ask what's up when she feels like talking and without being too pushy.
 

haxan7

Volunteered as Tribute
May 9, 2016
9,570
22,818
990
h*ck
The gaslighting game "she says I'm really insecure." She already peaced out, move on. Work on yourself after this.
I'm inclined to agree. The whole tone of this OP is off. It doesn't sound like a healthy relationship. Comes across as being very one sided.

OP also posted this thread in August:

 
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Punished Miku

Gold Member
Jan 13, 2018
10,017
21,316
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I'm inclined to agree. The whole tone of this OP is off. It doesn't sound like a healthy relationship. Comes across as being very one sided.

OP also posted this thread in August:

Dude lol
 

highrider

Banned
Dec 18, 2010
11,912
7,174
1,175
54
washington d.c.
Yeah I mean I can’t speak to your relationship but nothing dries out the nether regions like an insecure dude. Own what you do bad or good.
 

MrFancypants

Gold Member
Dec 17, 2019
2,155
3,751
655
Not Oxford
This thread, man, even Mortal Kombat’s fatalities ain’t this brutal. I really don’t know what to suggest or say that hasn’t been said already.
 

nush

Member
Oct 16, 2017
13,272
37,382
915
A long haul flight from wherever you are.
I'm inclined to agree. The whole tone of this OP is off. It doesn't sound like a healthy relationship. Comes across as being very one sided.

OP also posted this thread in August:




 
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jdforge

Member
Jul 20, 2004
2,188
966
1,690
Go easy guys. It’s difficult to reach out and ask for help if you are struggling.

OP - Best advice I can give is just try to relax. If you are struggling with invasive thoughts and insecurities a 6-8 week CBT course will really help you get some perspective and skills to cope better in the future.

Until then, don’t let your mind and these thoughts carry you into an emotional response or action. Just try to relax, distract yourself. Don’t text needy stuff, just be kind and cool.
 

Outlier

Member
Nov 9, 2020
555
803
340
Me and my girl may be breaking up and I want to do anything to reassure her I won't mess up again.

Basically a few weeks ago she had to self-isolate the next town over and was on her own. Whilst she was there we kept in touch. But because she mentioned that in her family there were a few deaths and illnesses and said 'it's one thing after another' I sort of assumed it meant she was breaking up with me, which was stupid to think looking back now.

Here's the real stupid bit. I got more convinced things were over when I sent her lovey messages and she just sent back thumbs-up emoji's. But then a day or 2 before the shit hit the fan, she sent intimate pictures to me, and she's a real prude as well. She's someone you can really trust. Even after that I still felt she may break up with me after isolation.

So I sent another lovey message at night, I knew she read it but hadn't replied the next morning, so then I got irritated with her and she says I'm really insecure. I'm trying my best to say this will never happen again but I'm not really sure how to reassure her.

Please help. Thanks.
Seems like you might need to spend some time single. You showed signs of being needy, insecure, and dependent.

It's a turn of to women, when they feel like they have to rest their man onto their shoulders, too frequently.