ValiantTraveler
Member
Spoilers below, in case there's still someone who hasn't watched the Star Wars films (which I doubt).
Curiously enough I never fully watched the Star Wars films before, though I was aware of many scenes as well as the major story beats and memes. So there was zero nostalgia involved.
And SW fans, please don't rip me to shreds for saying something you disagree with. Also, I'm writing from memory, so I might not be entirely correct in what I say.
First of all, one thing that I consistently observed throughout all episodes is that every time I think the alien designs reached the peak of ugliness and non-functionality, some disgusting creatures appears. What's the point of having an absurdly long neck, multiple eyes, or two heads sharing one body? So many of these aliens seem like they're suffering in their bodies. In Rogue One there's one that has fucking testicles on the chin. Wtf were they thinking.
Anyway, here are my jumbled thoughts.
Episode I: The Phantom Menace. A meh movie, surely the weakest one among episodes I to VI. Jar Jar was annoying and kid Anakin piloting that thing with such skill made me suspend my disbelief. I know he's supposed to be a prodigy, the Chosen One bla bla, but still. The political/economical stuff was a chore to watch, and I usually love that stuff in stories. Oh and it's a shame Darth Maul only appear for like ten minutes in this entire trilogy, I liked his design.
Episode II: Attack of the Clones. I was surprised by how much of an improvement this was over the first film. I don't care what fans think, I enjoyed it a lot. Sure, some dialogues are dorky and the pacing is slow at times. But l really liked the dynamics between Anakin and Obi-Wan, and how the Padawan still respects and obeys his master on more than one occasion despite not seeing eye to eye with him. I also enjoyed all the different places they travelled to, it adds to the epic scale of the setting. The fights are better than in the original trilogy too. Also, good thing Jar Jar is no longer part of the main cast, I guess they listened to the criticism around him.
Episode III: Revenge of the Sith. Not the most believable writing, okay, but I loved how the story flowed until the conclusion which was awesome. The last two fights, Anakin vs Obi-Wan and Yoda vs Palpatine were cool af. It's just cringey how goofy Palpatine looks and laughs. And of course, it ends with the hilarious "NOOOOOOO!". All in all the prequel trilogy surpassed my expectations after hearing people talking shit about it for so long.
Rogue One: A Star Wars Story. Holy shit I didn't expect this film to be this good?! The only thing I thought could have been done better is the characterization which is paper-thin. Aside from that... I'm not sure why I liked Jyn so much more than Rey, regardless of the fact that I find the actress of the former much more beautiful than the latter. Maybe it has to do with Jyn not escalating from a random person to an undefeatable warrior in a matter of what, days? She is alreayd an exAnyway, I liked the cast and even the aliens weren't too jarring aside from the one with the testicles on his chin. The robot character looks like he would perfectly fit in Nier Automata, and I liked him A LOT. Same goes for the other characters even if they didn't have a lot of screentime. Shout out to Donnie Yen for being awesome just by being present. The space battles were jubilatory and the whole ending sequence was gut-wrenching. I even found myself about to shed a tear when Leia appeared ?! Rogue One really took me by surprise. The more serious tone made and lack of goofy shit it go from decent to amazing.
Episode IV: A New Hope. Classic stuff. No wonder it's iconic. The hyperdrive effect never gets old. The simplicity of the characters must have something to do with how popular they are. I can see Balthier in Han Solo. I also fully realize how much influenced by Star Wars FF XII is. Darth Vader owns every scene he's in and his voice is amazing. I loved how the first confrontation between him and Luke isn'ta saber duel, but a dog fight. It's not often that you see heroes and villains face off this way. Why isn't an Ace Combat movie a thing yet? Special effects and fight choreography didn't age gracefully though, but I totally see how fantastic the former were for their time.
Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back. Great follow up that expands on the established setting. The snow planet sequence was excellent. I was suprised by how much the special effects improved. Surprisingly Yoda wasn't present so much. Why the fuck is he so ugly? Even Shiryu's old master (from Saint Seiya) isn't as painful to look at. Anyway, Boba Fett was cool. Third act is again deftly crafted.
Episode VI: Return of the Jedi. Luke in his black outfit is slick af. But fuck Jaba hurts my eyes whenever he's on screen. The hover bike chase in the forest was incredible. So was Darth Vader's change of heart. Palpatine is cartoony as hell and the weakest character in the cast. While not every character needs to be deep and thoroughly fleshed out, dialogue writing that isn't cartoonish can go a long way. Whatever. The last scene with Vader packed a good deal of emotions. Overall a pretty satisfying conclusion to the original trilogy.
Episode VII: The Force Awakens. I watched this one in the theaters when it came, smh right now. If I knew I would've gone to Rogue One instead. Why is there a First Order again? The sequel trilogy renders the conclusion of the original one null. The rebellion won! No wait, a few decades later they're back to square one with empire 2.0. The ship chases and battles are good. The rest is meh. Upon removing his Storm Trooper outfit, Finn becomes just another random person. They could've fleshed out his status of deserter more, but even in the subsequent film no one seems to care that he was with the Empire. Kylo Ren is cool, I like the actor. The scene where he stops the beam shot from the gun is very well thought. Too bad he doesn't have the charisma and presence of Darth Vader. Of course it was near impossible to achieve. Rey is the most boring protagonist I can think of. Moving on.
Episode VIII: The Last Jedi. What a fucking mess. Visually good, but the storytelling has me scratching my head. Rey didn't even train with Luke. I hated the subversion for subversion's sake. It felt disrespectful to Luke's character. Wait Imma milk a weird alien animal coz why the fuck not. But hey, at least the crystal creatures are cool. And why the fuck is Snoke dressed in an evening gown? His guards look cool thought. Ben killing him is the best moment of the entire film. Emo Vader Junior's anguish is fun to watch.
Episode IX: The Rise of Skywalker. ??? Haven't watched it yet. I have zero hope, let alone hype for it.
Curiously enough I never fully watched the Star Wars films before, though I was aware of many scenes as well as the major story beats and memes. So there was zero nostalgia involved.
And SW fans, please don't rip me to shreds for saying something you disagree with. Also, I'm writing from memory, so I might not be entirely correct in what I say.
First of all, one thing that I consistently observed throughout all episodes is that every time I think the alien designs reached the peak of ugliness and non-functionality, some disgusting creatures appears. What's the point of having an absurdly long neck, multiple eyes, or two heads sharing one body? So many of these aliens seem like they're suffering in their bodies. In Rogue One there's one that has fucking testicles on the chin. Wtf were they thinking.
Anyway, here are my jumbled thoughts.
Episode I: The Phantom Menace. A meh movie, surely the weakest one among episodes I to VI. Jar Jar was annoying and kid Anakin piloting that thing with such skill made me suspend my disbelief. I know he's supposed to be a prodigy, the Chosen One bla bla, but still. The political/economical stuff was a chore to watch, and I usually love that stuff in stories. Oh and it's a shame Darth Maul only appear for like ten minutes in this entire trilogy, I liked his design.
Episode II: Attack of the Clones. I was surprised by how much of an improvement this was over the first film. I don't care what fans think, I enjoyed it a lot. Sure, some dialogues are dorky and the pacing is slow at times. But l really liked the dynamics between Anakin and Obi-Wan, and how the Padawan still respects and obeys his master on more than one occasion despite not seeing eye to eye with him. I also enjoyed all the different places they travelled to, it adds to the epic scale of the setting. The fights are better than in the original trilogy too. Also, good thing Jar Jar is no longer part of the main cast, I guess they listened to the criticism around him.
Episode III: Revenge of the Sith. Not the most believable writing, okay, but I loved how the story flowed until the conclusion which was awesome. The last two fights, Anakin vs Obi-Wan and Yoda vs Palpatine were cool af. It's just cringey how goofy Palpatine looks and laughs. And of course, it ends with the hilarious "NOOOOOOO!". All in all the prequel trilogy surpassed my expectations after hearing people talking shit about it for so long.
Rogue One: A Star Wars Story. Holy shit I didn't expect this film to be this good?! The only thing I thought could have been done better is the characterization which is paper-thin. Aside from that... I'm not sure why I liked Jyn so much more than Rey, regardless of the fact that I find the actress of the former much more beautiful than the latter. Maybe it has to do with Jyn not escalating from a random person to an undefeatable warrior in a matter of what, days? She is alreayd an exAnyway, I liked the cast and even the aliens weren't too jarring aside from the one with the testicles on his chin. The robot character looks like he would perfectly fit in Nier Automata, and I liked him A LOT. Same goes for the other characters even if they didn't have a lot of screentime. Shout out to Donnie Yen for being awesome just by being present. The space battles were jubilatory and the whole ending sequence was gut-wrenching. I even found myself about to shed a tear when Leia appeared ?! Rogue One really took me by surprise. The more serious tone made and lack of goofy shit it go from decent to amazing.
Episode IV: A New Hope. Classic stuff. No wonder it's iconic. The hyperdrive effect never gets old. The simplicity of the characters must have something to do with how popular they are. I can see Balthier in Han Solo. I also fully realize how much influenced by Star Wars FF XII is. Darth Vader owns every scene he's in and his voice is amazing. I loved how the first confrontation between him and Luke isn'ta saber duel, but a dog fight. It's not often that you see heroes and villains face off this way. Why isn't an Ace Combat movie a thing yet? Special effects and fight choreography didn't age gracefully though, but I totally see how fantastic the former were for their time.
Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back. Great follow up that expands on the established setting. The snow planet sequence was excellent. I was suprised by how much the special effects improved. Surprisingly Yoda wasn't present so much. Why the fuck is he so ugly? Even Shiryu's old master (from Saint Seiya) isn't as painful to look at. Anyway, Boba Fett was cool. Third act is again deftly crafted.
Episode VI: Return of the Jedi. Luke in his black outfit is slick af. But fuck Jaba hurts my eyes whenever he's on screen. The hover bike chase in the forest was incredible. So was Darth Vader's change of heart. Palpatine is cartoony as hell and the weakest character in the cast. While not every character needs to be deep and thoroughly fleshed out, dialogue writing that isn't cartoonish can go a long way. Whatever. The last scene with Vader packed a good deal of emotions. Overall a pretty satisfying conclusion to the original trilogy.
Episode VII: The Force Awakens. I watched this one in the theaters when it came, smh right now. If I knew I would've gone to Rogue One instead. Why is there a First Order again? The sequel trilogy renders the conclusion of the original one null. The rebellion won! No wait, a few decades later they're back to square one with empire 2.0. The ship chases and battles are good. The rest is meh. Upon removing his Storm Trooper outfit, Finn becomes just another random person. They could've fleshed out his status of deserter more, but even in the subsequent film no one seems to care that he was with the Empire. Kylo Ren is cool, I like the actor. The scene where he stops the beam shot from the gun is very well thought. Too bad he doesn't have the charisma and presence of Darth Vader. Of course it was near impossible to achieve. Rey is the most boring protagonist I can think of. Moving on.
Episode VIII: The Last Jedi. What a fucking mess. Visually good, but the storytelling has me scratching my head. Rey didn't even train with Luke. I hated the subversion for subversion's sake. It felt disrespectful to Luke's character. Wait Imma milk a weird alien animal coz why the fuck not. But hey, at least the crystal creatures are cool. And why the fuck is Snoke dressed in an evening gown? His guards look cool thought. Ben killing him is the best moment of the entire film. Emo Vader Junior's anguish is fun to watch.
Episode IX: The Rise of Skywalker. ??? Haven't watched it yet. I have zero hope, let alone hype for it.
