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LGBTQIA+ |OT| This week's thread is sponsored by the letter...

haxan7

Volunteered as Tribute
May 9, 2016
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h*ck
I'd pop those in my mouth
 

Velcro Fly

Member
May 10, 2012
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Came out to my best friend that i was ace a week or two ago. At first he wasn't sure what to say/think. At the time I felt like it went okay but could have gone better.

Fast forward to this past weekend we were road tripping for Labor Day weekend and we talked a little bit more about it and he is really supportive and cool about it.

He is the first person I know irl that i told. I know my sister will understand but I think my parents will bring questions that I'm not sure I'm ready to answer yet.

But it feels good to have the first one under my belt! I do think someone I work with sees me with my ring and knows whats up but they haven't said anything.
 

haxan7

Volunteered as Tribute
May 9, 2016
9,994
23,842
990
h*ck
Came out to my best friend that i was ace a week or two ago. At first he wasn't sure what to say/think. At the time I felt like it went okay but could have gone better.

Fast forward to this past weekend we were road tripping for Labor Day weekend and we talked a little bit more about it and he is really supportive and cool about it.

He is the first person I know irl that i told. I know my sister will understand but I think my parents will bring questions that I'm not sure I'm ready to answer yet.

But it feels good to have the first one under my belt! I do think someone I work with sees me with my ring and knows whats up but they haven't said anything.
Were you expecting him to reject your friendship on the basis of you not feeling sexual attraction? I am genuinely curious why you thought it would even be an issue.
 
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RJMacready73

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Jun 25, 2020
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I heard the damned cutest thing today during my lunch break.

Little Boy: Mommy, look at them two men.
Mom: Don't stare, it's rude to stare. And I don't want you seeing stuff like that.
Little Boy: Why?
Mom: I just don't.
Little Boy: But why?
Mom: I just don't. It's wrong.
Little Boy: But they look so happy. That's all that matters, mommy.

I honestly felt a tear forming. There's hope for humanity.

Our neighbours who also happen to be the best fucking neighbours on the planet are married and when we moved in the kids who where young at the time said:
Kids: "daddy those 2 men are holding hands"
Me: "they're married"
Kids "where's the mummy"
Me: "You can have 2 daddies and you can have 2 mummies all that matters is you love each other"
Kids "Oh"
My kids now think its completely and utterly normal as it should be in the world
 

MrFancypants

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Dec 17, 2019
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Were you expecting him to reject your friendship on the basis of you not feeling sexual attraction? I am genuinely curious why you thought it would even be an issue.
To some people, asexuality is an alien concept. Because they don’t fully understand it, they almost fear it and see it as weird/freaky that somebody has no interest in sex whatsoever. At least in my experience.
 
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MrFancypants

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Did you know this from when you were young? Everyone else having girlfriends when you didn't even want one?
I knew I had these feelings, but didn’t really understand them at that age. I admit, I suppressed them to help because I felt like a freak. I forced myself to engage in sexual activity that I did not enjoy. It wasn’t until the last decade or so that I was asexual and that I wasn’t alone.
 

nush

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Oct 16, 2017
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A long haul flight from wherever you are.
I knew I had these feelings, but didn’t really understand them at that age. I admit, I suppressed them to help because I felt like a freak. I forced myself to engage in sexual activity that I did not enjoy. It wasn’t until the last decade or so that I was asexual and that I wasn’t alone.

I can see how that could have been a challenge, most people in that time-frame already understood being gay, Bi or trans.
 

MrFancypants

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I can see how that could have been a challenge, most people in that time-frame already understood being gay, Bi or trans.
I understood about being gay, bi, etc but to have no sexual orientation was foreign to me. I know this was the late 90s/early 00s, but my parents were of a different generation. If they saw a gay kiss on TV, they’d rage and rant. How would they have felt knowing their son was a sexless freak? It was a hard time for me. They both went to their graves not knowing who I am.
 

nush

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Oct 16, 2017
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I understood about being gay, bi, etc but to have no sexual orientation was foreign to me. I know this was the late 90s/early 00s, but my parents were of a different generation. If they saw a gay kiss on TV, they’d rage and rant. How would they have felt knowing their son was a sexless freak? It was a hard time for me. They both went to their graves not knowing who I am.

That's terrible that they didn't get to know the real you.
 

Velcro Fly

Member
May 10, 2012
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Were you expecting him to reject your friendship on the basis of you not feeling sexual attraction? I am genuinely curious why you thought it would even be an issue.

It is just a comforting feeling to be understood I guess. Rejection? Maybe not. But not understanding or thinking it wasn't a real thing? Yeah I definitely worried that could be the case and that would have been devastating. There is almost no way to say to someone "I am asexual" and have their not be just a myriad of questions of misconceptions to dispel as opposed to saying you are gay/lesbian where it is maybe more familiar? My boomer parents are going to have no clue what that means if/when I ever tell them. Getting used to answering the same questions is just part of preparing myself as much as it is living my truth.

The fact that it went well the first time gives me confidence it can go okay in the future.
 

DeaDPooL_jlp

Member
Sep 20, 2015
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I have a question and hopefully it's okay and if not just tell me to shut the fuck up and I'll kindly move on. So I have all sorts of views on the lgbtq community, I've made them known although briefly since my time here on Gaf.

Anyways question time, I can't stand (and this goes for any "group") this 100% in/out mentality. I don't necessarily stand with the lgbtq community, you're never gonna see me in the parades, or wearing a rainbow t shirt (I do rock rgb on my pc peripherals though...am I gay?), or donating to lgbtq causes.

BUT, I'd never do things to cause anyone who is a part of that community harm, I'd help a trans person in real life all the same as I would anyone else, and I have due to the nature of my work. So is it okay to not "support" the community but simply not "champion" it while also just kinda not giving a shit?
 

lukilladog

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Feb 6, 2018
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It doesn't bother you people to be thrown into these arbitrary categorizations?. I surely would be pissed off if some fellow ape gets to decide, regulate, or suggest, what my behaviour should be, or even outline what my level of virtuosity is, all based on some false principle he or she made up from his/her flawed perception on the patterns of nature, picking the traits that are not the most common just because they are easier to tell, while offering no good to society by creating division and rancor on the promise of nothing but a mental state of comfort... or profit for the smarter ones. I know you may say that the end justifies the means, but does it?, it would see to me that this current is destroying what humanism was starting to achieve, because we are going back to the times where you could be the wrong "race", or the wrong gender, or even have the wrong thinking.
 

KielCasto

Member
Jan 23, 2020
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I have a question and hopefully it's okay and if not just tell me to shut the fuck up and I'll kindly move on. So I have all sorts of views on the lgbtq community, I've made them known although briefly since my time here on Gaf.

Anyways question time, I can't stand (and this goes for any "group") this 100% in/out mentality. I don't necessarily stand with the lgbtq community, you're never gonna see me in the parades, or wearing a rainbow t shirt (I do rock rgb on my pc peripherals though...am I gay?), or donating to lgbtq causes.

BUT, I'd never do things to cause anyone who is a part of that community harm, I'd help a trans person in real life all the same as I would anyone else, and I have due to the nature of my work. So is it okay to not "support" the community but simply not "champion" it while also just kinda not giving a shit?
You’re speaking to a big audience. As long as you treat me or a member of the community as you would treat anybody else, then you’re fine in my books. It would be nice if you’d support, but I won’t shame you if you won’t; I can’t speak for everybody.
 

Soodanim

Member
Feb 24, 2012
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United Kingdom
To some people, asexuality is an alien concept. Because they don’t fully understand it, they almost fear it and see it as weird/freaky that somebody has no interest in sex whatsoever. At least in my experience.
I don’t understand why it would be a big deal. Why would anyone care about what you don’t do? It doesn’t break any religious, legal, or moral code. All I get from it is you have more free time and would be a good reverend/monk/whatever that requires celibacy. What am I missing?
 

MrFancypants

Member
Dec 17, 2019
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I don’t understand why it would be a big deal. Why would anyone care about what you don’t do? It doesn’t break any religious, legal, or moral code. All I get from it is you have more free time and would be a good reverend/monk/whatever that requires celibacy. What am I missing?
Society, as a whole, doesn’t like things that are different to them or do/don’t do things that they don’t/do things. In this case, sex is seen as an everyday normal activity. So someone who doesn’t participate in it because they don’t like the idea of it - as opposed to partaking in celibacy which is done due to religious beliefs - is seen as alien, and people don’t take kindly to things that are foreign to them.
 

Soodanim

Member
Feb 24, 2012
8,382
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United Kingdom
Society, as a whole, doesn’t like things that are different to them or do/don’t do things that they don’t/do things. In this case, sex is seen as an everyday normal activity. So someone who doesn’t participate in it because they don’t like the idea of it - as opposed to partaking in celibacy which is done due to religious beliefs - is seen as alien, and people don’t take kindly to things that are foreign to them.
Who gives a fuck? If anyone gives a shit about what you don't do, give a shit about things they don't do or have. Or better yet, remember that not all beliefs and statements are even worthy of dignifying with a response.
 
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MrFancypants

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Dec 17, 2019
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Who gives a fuck? If anyone gives a shit about what you don't do, give a shit about things they don't do or have. Or better yet, remember that not all beliefs and statements are even worthy of dignifying with a response.
Your average Joe Bloggs I couldn’t give a flying hoot about, but it’s when friends and family practically desert you because, shock horror, you don’t like sex. That’s what hurts.
 
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Maiden Voyage

Gold™ Member
Sep 5, 2014
11,015
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USA
I have a question and hopefully it's okay and if not just tell me to shut the fuck up and I'll kindly move on. So I have all sorts of views on the lgbtq community, I've made them known although briefly since my time here on Gaf.

Anyways question time, I can't stand (and this goes for any "group") this 100% in/out mentality. I don't necessarily stand with the lgbtq community, you're never gonna see me in the parades, or wearing a rainbow t shirt (I do rock rgb on my pc peripherals though...am I gay?), or donating to lgbtq causes.

BUT, I'd never do things to cause anyone who is a part of that community harm, I'd help a trans person in real life all the same as I would anyone else, and I have due to the nature of my work. So is it okay to not "support" the community but simply not "champion" it while also just kinda not giving a shit?
I’ll go on your behalf just don’t be a jerk or vote for things that make life harder for your fellow humans.
 

MrFancypants

Member
Dec 17, 2019
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Bit of a bump, so I apologise, but I just wanted some thoughts on using Grindr for non-sexual interaction. I’ve heard nothing but stories of thirsty men flooding inboxes with dick pics, but surely that’s not all Grindr is for? Has anyone had experiences where genuine friendships, etc have been made?
 

LegendOfKage

Member
Mar 6, 2018
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Bit of a bump, so I apologise, but I just wanted some thoughts on using Grindr for non-sexual interaction. I’ve heard nothing but stories of thirsty men flooding inboxes with dick pics, but surely that’s not all Grindr is for? Has anyone had experiences where genuine friendships, etc have been made?
Maybe look for yourself and see if you can find asexual profiles. If you can't, then I wouldn't bother trying to be the first. I'd instead try some apps or sites that are geared more towards finding a relationship and less toward hookup culture.
 
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KielCasto

Member
Jan 23, 2020
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Bit of a bump, so I apologise, but I just wanted some thoughts on using Grindr for non-sexual interaction. I’ve heard nothing but stories of thirsty men flooding inboxes with dick pics, but surely that’s not all Grindr is for? Has anyone had experiences where genuine friendships, etc have been made?
In my area, there really weren’t many profiles for genuine friendships. Just a whole lot of hookups and no replies. You’re free to try, but I’m guessing you’ll need to be extremely patient and realistic with your expectations.
 

MrFancypants

Member
Dec 17, 2019
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Maybe look for yourself and see if you can find asexual profiles. If you can't, then I wouldn't bother trying to be the first. I'd instead try some apps or sites that are geared more towards finding a relationship and less toward hookup culture.
I’d rather avoid signing up just to be bombarded with dick pics. I was just wondering if what I heard was true about the app, but I’m guessing it is.
 

xiskza

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Nov 26, 2020
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Isn't the rainbow flag symbolic? I always thought its meaning was that different kinds of people coming together is beautiful, just like the colors in a rainbow. If you start adding colors because every band needs to represent some kind of identity, it loses that positive, hopeful message. At that point you're more focused on displaying the differences between people, rather than what brings them together. The flag itself will eventually turn into an ugly mess as well. Just my 2 cents.

It's already a mess tbh, with the design changing frequently thees days. People who think this is helping definitely live in a bubble, the image we're projecting onto the general public is pretty negative. From the constant addition of new letters that we cant keep up with, to new identities that are far fetched and seem more about narcissism, to trying to deconstruct everything even biological sex, to annoying pronoun policing on the general public, to adding colors that have no place in a pride flag that was never representing different types of identities in the first place, it's all quite embarassing really.
These days I really want no part in the community, its full of toxicity and people screaming for attention on who is more oppressed, who can be the loudest, and who can be the most woke. The fact that the movement now seems to be going 100 miles an hour into far left territory and embracing those ideals wholeheartedly, has definitely made me "leave" it for good and speaking up against it. I often find myself doing damage control when sexuality, and gender (which is a whole another level of crazy), pops up in a conversation or online talk, and try to show that not all of us have lost common sense.
As an ex-liberal, I would never imagine myself finding comfort in libertarian and conservative spaces, but here we are - I've actually found several gay conservatives and libertarians that I respect and we get on really well. Just a shame that the so called "tolerant" community shames and excommunicates these members... no free speech is allowed if you're speaking to the community in general, and if you do speak up, they silence you, or worse, you get harassed and targetted by the mob. So thanks, but no thanks, I'll keep my distance.
 

tommib

Member
Dec 7, 2020
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Bit of a bump, so I apologise, but I just wanted some thoughts on using Grindr for non-sexual interaction. I’ve heard nothing but stories of thirsty men flooding inboxes with dick pics, but surely that’s not all Grindr is for? Has anyone had experiences where genuine friendships, etc have been made?
Try Ok Cupid.
 
Aug 16, 2012
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North West, UK.
Bit of a bump, so I apologise, but I just wanted some thoughts on using Grindr for non-sexual interaction. I’ve heard nothing but stories of thirsty men flooding inboxes with dick pics, but surely that’s not all Grindr is for? Has anyone had experiences where genuine friendships, etc have been made?
I speak to a few people on it but there's A LOT of low IQ horny morons on it. Sometimes I'm trying to smash but other times I just wanna value people... And maybe we'll eventually smash or not.
 

MrFancypants

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Dec 17, 2019
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I speak to a few people on it but there's A LOT of low IQ horny morons on it. Sometimes I'm trying to smash but other times I just wanna value people... And maybe we'll eventually smash or not.
That was my take on it. I sat with a mate and created an account together. Within seconds - literally, seconds - of creating the account, the inbox had five messages from men with their cocks out. There was perhaps one amongst them who managed to hold a conversation, but even that turned sexual within a matter of minutes. I deleted the account, uninstalled the app, and laughed/cried myself to sleep.