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I was offended because of a gift

iorek21

iorek21

Member
Sorry for openning a thread just for this, but I feel like I need to open up about it.

So, yesterday was my girlfriend's birthday and I gifted her a birthday card and a Xiaomi Mi Band 4 (something that she really wanted, but it's somewhat expensive here on Brazil).
She seemed very grateful and happy about it, even though she's a quite closed person emotionally.

But then begins the problem: I saw Humble Bundle's announcement for Spyro/Crash/COD WWII and I thought with myself "Well, she always wanted to play Crash and I really like Spyro despite having it on PS4, why not buy it?".

So I gifted her Crash's key with the best of intentions, mind you; she recieved it and tryed playing it for a while, but complained that it was too hard (nothing really surprising).

Thing is, not one hour ago she messages me saying that she was OFFENDED by my gift, saying that I shouldn't give her something she doesn't like, that I was only thinking about myself when buying the Bundle... I mean, WTF?
Then she continued messaging, implying that she was a secondary concern, that I'm not sincere enough...

In a nutshell, giving an extra gift that wasn't in the initial plan is offensive?

Man... you know what? I'm the one feeling offended here, I've never lived a situation like that in my whole life, how can someone complain about an unplanned gift? She already got her Mi Band 4, is there a reason for complaining?

This is an insult for me, because I gave her the game with lots of affection, how can a human being (a girlfriend, even) just come and smash this affection by beginning a discussion less than 24h after her own birthday?

There are probably thousands of people without any money that would be very greatful about receiving a game as a sincere gift, even if its not your favorite genre....

What a shitty situation...
 
haxan7

haxan7

Volunteered as Tribute
Has she ever given you any gifts? Sounds a bit one sided to me. She isn't required to like your gifts, and you aren't required to give them. If she's being a petty little kid and milking you for gifts, drop her like old news.
 
LegendOfKage

LegendOfKage

Member
Nymphae said:
I'd ask her why she redeemed the code if she didn't want to play it.
Click to expand...

I really don't think this is a situation where you want to try to "win" an argument with logic. Personally, I'd just explain your thought process in why you wanted to buy the games for her, and then let her know that her assumptions otherwise hurt your feelings.

That, or drop the whole thing unless she's carrying on about it, because she thinks that she's right anyhow, and in the future don't ever give her anything that you might enjoy as well. It sounds like she has an issue with that, and it may have been from a previous experience that this situation is reminding her of.
 
Last edited:
Nymphae

Nymphae

Banned
LegendOfKage said:
I really don't think this is a situation where you want to try to "win" an argument with logic.
Click to expand...

True:

Ar¢tos said:
QVWIQlj.jpg
Click to expand...

I could see if this was the only thing he got her, or presented it as the main gift, but he already got her the expensive thing she wanted and this was a small side gift, which also sounds like something she had previously expressed interest in. She sounds totally unreasonable here.
 
Last edited:
iorek21

iorek21

Member
haxan7 said:
Has she ever given you any gifts? Sounds a bit one sided to me. She isn't required to like your gifts, and you aren't required to give them. If she's being a petty little kid and milking you for gifts, drop her like old news.
Click to expand...

Yes, but as time passes, it seems that I invest much more thought into her gifts than she invests into mine.

Not that I'm complaining about the quality of her gifts, but it always seems much more like an obligation thing than a "open heart" situation (I mean, she only gives stuff that I mention, never really experimented on possibilities)

LegendOfKage said:
I really don't think this is a situation where you want to try to "win" an argument with logic. Personally, I'd just explain your thought process in why you wanted to buy the games for her, and then let her know that her assumptions otherwise hurt your feelings.

That, or drop the whole thing unless she's carrying on about it, because she thinks that she's right anyhow, and in the future don't ever give her anything that you might enjoy as well. It sounds like she has an issue with that, and it may have been from a previous experience that this situation is reminding her of.
Click to expand...

Well, she previously mentioned that she wanted to try Crash Bandicoot, that was my thought process, I just wanted to make her birthday a little better
 
iorek21

iorek21

Member
And she even said: "Don't look a gift horse in the mouth.... Unless it's your birthday"

Kek

I rest my case
 
LegendOfKage

LegendOfKage

Member
iorek21 said:
Yes, but as time passes, it seems that I invest much more thought into her gifts than she invests into mine.

Not that I'm complaining about the quality of her gifts, but it always seems much more like an obligation thing than a "open heart" situation (I mean, she only gives stuff that I mention, never really experimented on possibilities)



Well, she previously mentioned that she wanted to try Crash Bandicoot, that was my thought process, I just wanted to make her birthday a little better
Click to expand...

Right. It's a second gift, and it's something she mentioned in passing that she wanted before, which is why I think it sounds like there's something else there. My best guess is that she's had people buy her things she didn't want, because they were only thinking about themselves. That hurt her in the past, and now she's sensitive to it, even when that's not the situation.

That's only a possibility, but there has to be some reasoning for how she feels.
 
Punished Miku

Punished Miku

Gold Member
I've dated a girl with borderline personality disorder before, and they just suck the soul right out of your body. I'm sorry dude. She is being an absolute cunt for no reason. Very selfish and offensive.

I think a lot of women have mental health issues that are undiagnosed and not discussed. Female autism is not nearly as debilitating as male autism usually, and just seems to manifest itself as lack of empathy or lack of intuitive social understanding when it seems like it would be obvious. You say she is "closed emotionally," but after a couple years with a person like this, I honestly think for a lot of people it's actually mental illness.

All I can say is, you deserve a real apology that demonstrates that she actually gets how rude she was and she learned. If this is the kind of thing that happens a lot, you should make sure you don't lose yourself in a toxic relationship. They will make you question your own sanity, your own standards for what is rude or normal, and leave you broken.
 
Darklor01

Darklor01

Might need to stop sniffing glue
You mention she’s closed off emotionally. There are probably reasons behind that. I would recommend asking why she feels the way she does to open a sincere dialogue.
Try to not allow her responses to push into an argument. If she questions your motive, explain you are concerned over how she might have arrived at her conclusion.

Often these arguments are based on something which has little or nothing to do with what is on the surface.
 
Dice

Dice

Pokémon Parentage Conspiracy Theorist
It's one thing, in a well-established relationship where there is a lot of history of candid sharing and trust that has proven you are both trying to be the best for each other, to say "Thank you, but so you know in the future, this [insert actual practical example of an alternative here] is the best way to love me."

It's an entirely different thing to say "I'm upset with you because you tried to love me and didn't do it the right way. You need to be psychic and do it right next time." It's all the worse to do this over something that is an exploration/discovery for both of you (how could you know she doesn't have the skills for Crash?) and then doubt your sincerity over it.

It is possible she has had guys buy her gifts just to get sex or something, but if she has those insecurities of a transactional relationship rather than sincerity, she needs to communicate that insecurity, not trash on your affections and doubt your care. She also needs to be aware that as much as gifts-for-sex is a toxic model men try to set for women, being a schmuck for a gold-digger is a toxic model women try to set for men, so if you are choosing trust and communication, then she needs to trust and communicate as well.
 
JimiNutz

JimiNutz

Banned
She's crazy for sure and very ungrateful.
Tell her if you were only thinking about yourself you would have bought her some plastic surgery for her mangled face and body and bail the fuck out.
 
Verdanth

Verdanth

Member
OP you should have kept the bundle to yourself.

Let her play Crash on Xiaomi band. Runs like a charm.

On a more seriously note, stand your ground on this one.

You went the extra mile, offered a another gift (specially one she wanted) and got nuked for it. Nothing wrong on your end.

Tell her next time you will offer an ice cube, since it will match better with her cold heart.
 
Last edited:
bitbydeath

bitbydeath

Member
iorek21 said:
Well, she previously mentioned that she wanted to try Crash Bandicoot, that was my thought process, I just wanted to make her birthday a little better
Click to expand...

Just tell her that and leave it be if this is a once off mood, chances are she has other things going on and lashed out.
 
Ar¢tos

Ar¢tos

Member
iorek21 said:
Sorry for openning a thread just for this, but I feel like I need to open up about it.

So, yesterday was my girlfriend's birthday and I gifted her a birthday card and a Xiaomi Mi Band 4 (something that she really wanted, but it's somewhat expensive here on Brazil).
She seemed very grateful and happy about it, even though she's a quite closed person emotionally.

But then begins the problem: I saw Humble Bundle's announcement for Spyro/Crash/COD WWII and I thought with myself "Well, she always wanted to play Crash and I really like Spyro despite having it on PS4, why not buy it?".

So I gifted her Crash's key with the best of intentions, mind you; she recieved it and tryed playing it for a while, but complained that it was too hard (nothing really surprising).

Thing is, not one hour ago she messages me saying that she was OFFENDED by my gift, saying that I shouldn't give her something she doesn't like, that I was only thinking about myself when buying the Bundle... I mean, WTF?
Then she continued messaging, implying that she was a secondary concern, that I'm not sincere enough...

In a nutshell, giving an extra gift that wasn't in the initial plan is offensive?

Man... you know what? I'm the one feeling offended here, I've never lived a situation like that in my whole life, how can someone complain about an unplanned gift? She already got her Mi Band 4, is there a reason for complaining?

This is an insult for me, because I gave her the game with lots of affection, how can a human being (a girlfriend, even) just come and smash this affection by beginning a discussion less than 24h after her own birthday?

There are probably thousands of people without any money that would be very greatful about receiving a game as a sincere gift, even if its not your favorite genre....

What a shitty situation...
Click to expand...
Are you really trying to understand how women think?
You're crazier than her!
10-hilarious-differences-between-men-and-women-10.jpg
 
cryptoadam

cryptoadam

Banned
It does kinda sound like you bought her an own gift. Even though you bought the other cool gift the videogames sound more like a gift for you.

Does she play videogames at all? Her saying she wanted to play crash could mean nothing. Meanwhile the other 2 games in the bundle didn't interest her at all. So it really sounds like you bought it for yourself.

Doesn't give her the right to be pissed IMO because it should be the thought that counts, but thats womenz for you. Either act alpha and ignore her and be an ass, or beg for forgivness.

Girls have that sweet sweet vagina so it just depends what stupid things us guys are willing to do for it.

And I have been in your shoes with a former ex who was crazy materlistic and even when I bought her gifts she would get pissy and want more. So If I would buy her one shirt she would want 2 and throw a tantrum if I didn't buy her the 2nd shirt. I want to buy her a bag, but its gotta be the 600$ MK one, not the 200 or 300$ one. These types of ladies are bad news.
 
F

Foamy

Unconfirmed Member
Apologize till she forgives you and immediately initiate make up sex. Punish her pooper and tell her you take back your apology cause you were right all along as you reach climax.
That's what real men do.
 
TUROK

TUROK

Member
iorek21 said:
Thing is, not one hour ago she messages me saying that she was OFFENDED by my gift, saying that I shouldn't give her something she doesn't like, that I was only thinking about myself when buying the Bundle... I mean, WTF?
Then she continued messaging, implying that she was a secondary concern, that I'm not sincere enough...
Click to expand...
I always try not to pass judgment on relationship matters because we tend to not have the whole picture, just a tiny vertical slice of the relationship, but this red flag is the size of the Great Wall of China.

This is the most spoiled and selfish reaction a person could have to getting a gift.

Me, I would have domed you right then and there if you bought me the Crash Remastered trilogy.
 
mekes

mekes

Member
Show me your crazy and I end the relationship personally. There are enough things in the world to be pissed at. Drains and ladders man. They either lift you up or pull you down. I mean she can not feel the present, but the impression I get from this is that she was pissed you had money left over to buy something for yourself.
 
KingdomHeartsFan

KingdomHeartsFan

Member
I'd be pissed if I bought my girlfriend a phone and she was that ungrateful. She's showing you her true colors OP, do what you will with the information.
 
highrider

highrider

Banned
I wouldn’t say a word more about it. If she keeps pressing, dump her. Or you could communicate what you are in the op to her directly. Her reaction should tell you a lot about her viability as a partner.
 
Heimdall_Xtreme

Heimdall_Xtreme

Jim Ryan Fanclub's #1 Member
That was horrible!!!


I guess she expected you to take her to a dinner, but the truth is that it's rude. In my case, I would be happy if someone gave me a video game on my birthday = (.

It was also not bad, I mean you still give it extra detail, it gets that way.

The truth is rude, but when you gave him something she wanted as the case of the Xiaomi
 
Ar¢tos

Ar¢tos

Member
She wants something and she's starting to build up your guilt before she asks for it.
Or she is going to dump you and she's building up your guilt to make it be your fault the relationship failed.
 
Last edited:
The Cockatrice

The Cockatrice

Gold Member
It would be wise to reconsider your relationship. A person who can't respect someone's gift no matter how little it is, is not a good person deep down, no matter how many "good" points she scored or how good her bj's are. This might get worse as you progress.
 
Barnabot

Barnabot

Member
About the extra gift: Step up and tell her to stop bitching and git gud. If she loves you then she'll undertand that this was just a gift whether she liked or not and everyone's life will move on without that unnecessary drama. Already did that with people near to me and they are still with me.
 
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