• Hey, guest user. Hope you're enjoying NeoGAF! Have you considered registering for an account? Come join us and add your take to the daily discourse.
  • The Politics forum has been nuked. Please do not bring political discussion to the rest of the site, or you will be removed. Thanks.

I think my GF is trying to gaslight me and i'm losing my mind

nush

Member
Oct 16, 2017
13,348
37,564
915
A long haul flight from wherever you are.
Ignore all of the advice here, and put a ring on that bitch, buy a house together, have a couple of kids and live the dream.
 

Loope

Member
Dec 7, 2020
851
1,075
325
Dude, no. Just no.

I would first talk with someone from her family and group of friends, lay out things as is and then dump her and let them help her through it.

Many of the issues there have nothing to do with depression, i'm sorry. Neither the controlling part nor the "want to have intellectual conversations" shit is due to depression, that's just ingrained in your personality.

Lastly, listen to your mom, you have great friends and finally take some time for yourself, because if you were 3 and half years with a person like that, you must be exhausted. holly fuck.
 

Loope

Member
Dec 7, 2020
851
1,075
325
Boy i hope she is better than sasha foxx under the sheets because that sound like A LOT of shit to deal with.

Happy that you already know what to do, if this was era, the guy would probably ask advices for some books about how to be a better boyfriend.
Nah everyone would be jumping on him and how it is his fault, because he didn't go to the beach taking sun up the ass all day and watching the waves for 7 straight days with nothing else to do.
 
  • Thoughtful
Reactions: GymWolf
Jun 17, 2019
1,432
2,832
625
My ex was similar in terms of the narcissism. I don't want to get into details at the moment, but I will say that it was emotionally and sexually abusive. It took me a year to recover including being in therapy for male survivors of domestic (non physical) abuse.

After a year of hell I absolutely know the signs. Get away from her. Break off all contact. Gas lighting is a classic sign of narcissism. The more you let yourself be sucked into her toxic world, the more she will make you blame yourself.

You made a mistake by apologising when you should have stood your ground. Don't apologise again. She'll use it against you.

Run away from her and block all contact. Your better than this.

You can DM me and if I feel strong enough I'll talk to you about it privately. Good luck.
 
Last edited:

korosanbo

Neo Member
Jul 11, 2018
43
37
205

Orpheum Orpheum

I just read the whole thread last night and I just want to say I feel for you.
You sound like a an intelligent, caring young man with a very high level of emotional intelligence and I'm sorry you had to go through all of this
As someone who had to deal with social anxiety from about the same age as your GF is currently , I just have to say, her behavior is not acceptable
I find it very difficult to communicate with people (I usually don't post that much on GAF, as I always feel like I'm going to post something silly that'll cause people to make fun of me) and I shy away from crowds, but even on days when I don't feel like communicating, I still try to be as cheerful and nice to people as much as I can
Your group of friends sound awesome and very welcoming, if I were in her shoes on that trip, I would try my best to fit in and even if I had to take breaks once in a while to be on my own, I would try to be as civil as I can about it
You poured your heart and soul into this relationship and you deserve someone who'll appreciate everything you do for them
I don't think it's a matter of age (though me and my fiance are older than both of you) but we both have our own set of issues and whenever something comes up, we always talk about it and try to solve it in the best way. We've been through our fair share of issues and we've always supported each other.
I just feel lucky to have him in my life and I keep telling him that and that is exactly what your GF should've been doing instead
I know you'll find someone that'll appreciate you for who you are :)
 
Feb 20, 2021
380
358
250
I read the whole thing because it kept getting worse. I'm a sucker for a good horror story.


It's time to let go. Nobody needs to deal with that so young in life, and for the rest of your life.
 
Last edited:
  • Like
Reactions: NeoIkaruGAF

Dithadder

Neo Member
Feb 8, 2021
30
19
120
What with her being so unpleasant and you being so impelled to pick at scabs, id say you two are perfect for each other.
 

CAB_Life

Member
Dec 12, 2019
1,347
3,109
520
Toronto
christianadrianbrown.com
I realize this is only your side of the story, but even assuming your opinion is skewed she sounds manipulative, unstable and plain horrid to be around.

Life and love—especially—can’t be wasted on loathsome people.
 
  • Thoughtful
Reactions: haxan7

rofif

Member
Sep 13, 2019
7,883
11,152
670
Well my friend married one of these...
Now he can barely get out of the house.
He gets no sex for months.
He gets barely any time for his hobbies.
Gets told he need to do more... and he earns 3x she does, bought car, apartment, finished it and he takes care of everything. She sits doing nothing.
And she sends her mommy on him because of her delusions.

don't ruin your life
 
Last edited:

Yoboman

Member
Sep 17, 2005
20,879
19,011
1,890
Dont take a girl on a boys trip and if you had to then make sure she can invite people too

But she is still in the wrong and don't waste your time on people like that
 
Last edited:

Yoboman

Member
Sep 17, 2005
20,879
19,011
1,890
Trips are the fucking worst, and despite her apparent personality flaws, she is right that you need to chillout on these intricate trips with tight timing an 9 days of effort.
Seriously.

My girl and I took a day trip to canoe for a couple hours once and she got the shits. Some people just don't like that stuff, and being locked into it for over a week would suck ass if you're hating it

OP did nothing wrong but I wouldn't break up with somebody because they hated an expensive trip they didn't enjoy
 

nush

Member
Oct 16, 2017
13,348
37,564
915
A long haul flight from wherever you are.
Well my friend married one of these...
Now he can barely get out of the house.
He gets no sex for months.
He gets barely any time for his hobbies.
Gets told he need to do more... and he earns 3x she does, bought car, apartment, finished it and he takes care of everything. She sits doing nothing.
And she sends her mommy on him because of her delusions.

don't ruin your life

Been there. Solved the sex issue with escorts, so when she was in my face before I left for work in the morning telling me how much of a stupid bad guy I was or whatever the fuck was her flavor of the day insult. I'd just tune out look into the mid distance in my mind and think "This afternoon I'm gonna be balls deep in a model fit 20-something lady and you'll have no idea" I mean I'm the "Bad guy" already so what the fuck.

At least her mommy knew her daughter was an asshole and didn't put up much of a fight when she tried to come at me.
 

Armorian

Banned
Jan 17, 2018
3,298
5,293
520
Been there. Solved the sex issue with escorts, so when she was in my face before I left for work in the morning telling me how much of a stupid bad guy I was or whatever the fuck was her flavor of the day insult. I'd just tune out look into the mid distance in my mind and think "This afternoon I'm gonna be balls deep in a model fit 20-something lady and you'll have no idea" I mean I'm the "Bad guy" already so what the fuck.

At least her mommy knew her daughter was an asshole and didn't put up much of a fight when she tried to come at me.

If my girlfriend will try to pull this shit on me i will do exactly the same. Escort\prostitute market here is amazing.
 
  • Strength
Reactions: nush

Thaedolus

Member
Jun 9, 2004
12,630
7,823
1,875
Well my friend married one of these...
Now he can barely get out of the house.
He gets no sex for months.
He gets barely any time for his hobbies.
Gets told he need to do more... and he earns 3x she does, bought car, apartment, finished it and he takes care of everything. She sits doing nothing.
And she sends her mommy on him because of her delusions.

don't ruin your life
 

SafeOrAlone

Gold Member
May 22, 2018
2,197
2,275
545
Not picking on OP, who seems like a good dude.
In general though, I think people need to chill on the term "gaslight".

My friend, mentioned above, kept going on about how he realised he was being "gaslit" by his ex, while they were together, but honestly it just sounds like some type of excuse for the fact that he let her treat him like dirt for years. It sounds like people want to place the blame in being "tricked" when they really just let themselves stay in a bad situation.

My two cents.
 
Last edited:

Days like these...

Poonani should have a ph balance of 0
Oct 10, 2004
3,902
173
1,685
Well my friend married one of these...
Now he can barely get out of the house.
He gets no sex for months.
He gets barely any time for his hobbies.
Gets told he need to do more... and he earns 3x she does, bought car, apartment, finished it and he takes care of everything. She sits doing nothing.
And she sends her mommy on him because of her delusions.

don't ruin your life

Been there. Solved the sex issue with escorts, so when she was in my face before I left for work in the morning telling me how much of a stupid bad guy I was or whatever the fuck was her flavor of the day insult. I'd just tune out look into the mid distance in my mind and think "This afternoon I'm gonna be balls deep in a model fit 20-something lady and you'll have no idea" I mean I'm the "Bad guy" already so what the fuck.

At least her mommy knew her daughter was an asshole and didn't put up much of a fight when she tried to come at me.
You know I've considered that, lol. I mean I'm already a "worthless pos". Mind you, I work she doesn't. I need to win the lotto and get out.
 
Last edited:
  • Empathy
Reactions: rofif

Brigandier

Member
May 13, 2010
451
459
940
United Kingdom
I guess this tuned into a rant and less of a question but i still want to thank anyone who read this

My friend this will never be a healthy relationship.... She is not ready for it at all she needs help.

No matter what you do you're always going to be the bad guy and at fault, She plays the victim well it's a form of domestic abuse and it'll only escalate in time until you're being beaten and controlled big time and you don't even realise it.

It's easier said than done but walk the fuck away, it might take a while to get over it but then again it might be the best thing you ever do.... But if I was you GTFO really quick.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Days like these...

Miles708

Member
Sep 11, 2019
1,773
2,385
435
Well my friend married one of these...
Now he can barely get out of the house.
He gets no sex for months.
He gets barely any time for his hobbies.
Gets told he need to do more... and he earns 3x she does, bought car, apartment, finished it and he takes care of everything. She sits doing nothing.
And she sends her mommy on him because of her delusions.

don't ruin your life

A somewhat close relative of mine is in the same situation. 30 years of marriage with 3 sons, a totally unhappy family, bridges cut with all family friends and almost all other relatives, and the sons are much too emotionally scarred to have a sentimental relationship with anyone.

This kind of people should be prevented by law from marrying. I'm not sure if the correct term is narcisistic, bordeline personality disorder, or whatever, but it looks like the behaviour is way more typical than I imagined.

My empathy goes to you OP, good thing you had the clarity and the balls to assess your situation before it became an inescapable cage. You're a good man.
 
Last edited:

Kamina

Golden Boy
Jun 2, 2013
8,351
7,754
985
35
Austria
It seems like you tried your best to make it right for her, but maybe she would need someone to drag her into reality. All which you have told us you should have told her. Your perspective. Edit: maybe you did on Saturday.
Not necessarily for saving a relationship (you seem set anyway) but to try to wake her from her lunacy.
 
Last edited:

nush

Member
Oct 16, 2017
13,348
37,564
915
A long haul flight from wherever you are.
I've never understood that unless you're gay or bi why would you want a threesome with another guy. I've been lucky enough to have had a threesome with two woman, but there is no way I'd feel comfortable with another erection in the room.🤮
So you can high five over her back when you spit roast her then go out for beers afterwards. It's not like you haven't seen numerous spunking cocks in porn.
 
  • Like
Reactions: haxan7

supernova8

Member
Jun 2, 2020
2,455
3,501
430
She's a nutjob and you're not responsible for her. I remember I had a moody, emotional girlfriend (not even psycho or anything) and I "noped" out within 3 months. No fucking way am I going to waste my time on shit like that. I cannot believe you didn't lose your shit and just break up with her long before 3.5 years.
 

supernova8

Member
Jun 2, 2020
2,455
3,501
430
Update, I've just found out she's also fucking someone else

Isnt life fantastic
Was she fucking someone else while you've been married? Does that not have any bearing on how much she gets to take? (I don't know how it works but surely if she cheats she should be automatically not entitled to a fucking penny).
 
  • Like
Reactions: Putonahappyface

NahaNago

Member
Aug 29, 2014
4,811
1,869
600
Was she fucking someone else while you've been married? Does that not have any bearing on how much she gets to take? (I don't know how it works but surely if she cheats she should be automatically not entitled to a fucking penny).
They were still married for 20 years though so unfortunately she should supposedly be entitled to something.
 

Swoopsail

Member
Apr 18, 2021
705
693
305
Don't mistake my brevity for insincerity, but....

Run, do not look back
Try to avoid people who also have a pronounced mental condition for now on. If you are already coping with yours, I think someone who is more stable is what YOU need. And I don't mean to disparage mental health problems, but very often two people who have it are like oil and water together. Personally I know my bane is bipolarism. Can't deal very well with people who have it.