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Anyone here older who never had kids and didn't regret their decision?

Christopher

Member
Having kids is the best thing in the entire world I respect everybody’s decision to have a live your life but just saying having children has been the highlight of my entire life and to be a dad gives life purpose and meaning
 


The dad is this basically.
Can confirm, this doesn't happen.

I have a 5 and an 8 year old and working on 2 more.
 
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Maiden Voyage

Gold™ Member
Having kids is the best thing in the entire world I respect everybody’s decision to have a live your life but just saying having children has been the highlight of my entire life and to be a dad gives life purpose and meaning
I'm glad you found meaning through your child. For me, I find my meaning in other ways. Everybody has a different view on how they derive meaning from existence, as it should be.
 

Ownage

Member
Mid 40s and no kids here. The key to not being lonely or having regrets is to surround yourself with many different types of real friends: married, single, relationship, etc.

If you're a healthy guy, most have the luxury of having kids in late 40s, 50s or even 60s. We have time. The older I get I still see 20 and 30 something girls want to approach me. Thus, if you want to take your time and if you take care of yourself, you can pivot towards family life later on in age.
 
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If you're a healthy guy, most have the luxury of having kids in late 40s, 50s or even 60s. We have time.
I dunno dude. Maybe call it quits if you don't start by 42. And your wife would have to be younger than you hopefully. That's basically what I'm doing.

If you are 70 with a 10 year old, that's gonna be weird. But I guess your 18 year old is going to love it when you have dementia so they can stay out late and do whatever they want lol.
 

Ownage

Member
I dunno dude. Maybe call it quits if you don't start by 42. And your wife would have to be younger than you hopefully. That's basically what I'm doing.

If you are 70 with a 10 year old, that's gonna be weird. But I guess your 18 year old is going to love it when you have dementia so they can stay out late and do whatever they want lol.
Yeah, the woman would need to be under the age of 38 or so. That's why I date 20-30 somethings. Plus it helps me feel younger to be around their energy. There's logic behind an older guy and younger girl.
 

billyxci

Permabanned.
i don't really know what you mean by "older" but i'm in my early 30's. i "should" have had kids by now or real damn soon but i'm not interested in them and i don't plan on having any.

if i did have kids then of course i can see how my mind would change. i'd love my kids and would feel like i wouldn't change it for the world. the thing is i just don't want to have any. again, i can see how they would add meaning/value to my life but i don't feel like i need that and there's cons that come with having kids. i struggle as it is so i don't need the stress that comes with raising kids. i've looked after kids of family members and it just pisses me off with the constant crying and attention seeking. also the amount of money they need is insane. and there is the issue of do we really need more humans on the planet? i don't think so. if i don't have any kids it's not going to really matter. there's enough people out there firing out kids. another human needs more food, water, clothes, and things. fuck that.
 

Kssio_Aug

Member
Most people that don't have kids, don't really know what is to have kids, so I don't think they would regret it. But I think they bring a very special meaning to life, that we just realize after the fact! Not every parent feel the same way though, sadly.
 

K' Dash

Member
I had my first and only kid last year. I’m 37.

As father of a beautiful baby girl, and believe me when I say she’s the light of my life, I’m telling you: DO NOT HAVE KIDS.

With that said, that little cupcake of joy has made me a better man, now I’m improving myself everyday to be better for her, a better father, a better all around person, physically and mentally.

Again, hear me out: DO NOT HAVE KIDS.
 

Jaybe

Gold Member
I had my first and only kid last year. I’m 37.

As father of a beautiful baby girl, and believe me when I say she’s the light of my life, I’m telling you: DO NOT HAVE KIDS.

With that said, that little cupcake of joy has made me a better man, now I’m improving myself everyday to be better for her, a better father, a better all around person, physically and mentally.

Again, hear me out: DO NOT HAVE KIDS.
I don’t need convincing my self but I am curious, why you would say ‘do not have kids’? Is it vastly more work? Did it change your relationship negatively? Thanks.
 

Kssio_Aug

Member
I don’t need convincing my self but I am curious, why you would say ‘do not have kids’? Is it vastly more work? Did it change your relationship negatively? Thanks.
I know you didn't ask me, but I will answer in my perspective. It didn't change my relationship with my wife negatively. But it indeed is A LOT MORE work and responsability. My life before having a kid, when I look back at it, felt like child's play - nowadays I feel the weight of responsability every single day.

But at the same time you also evolve a lot as a person and gain a lot of maturity. Because you know you need it if you don't want to fail as a parent. And also, at the same time, you feel really proud when you look at your child(ren) and realize there's someone so special you care about.
 
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Having kids is the best thing in the entire world I respect everybody’s decision to have a live your life but just saying having children has been the highlight of my entire life and to be a dad gives life purpose and meaning
People say this but what happens when the kid is now 17 or 18 and leaves the house, state or country? Does your life lose meaning then?
I think we need to hear from those people who’s kids are now adults with their own life.
 

lachesis

Member
1 child. No regret. I can certainly see many men would opt out though.

Modern society, culture and convenience is discouraging child bearing. Honestly, they have no economical benefit to you but cost you ton of money. Also they used to be obliged to take care of you at your old age - but less and less people do that too. Honestly, I'm hoping that I would not be a burden to my child when I'm old.

To me, it seem like women have that maternal urge to have children, more than men wanting to be a father.
 

Maiden Voyage

Gold™ Member
Here's an interesting study that popped up on my radar today. Apparently, at least in the US, more people are deciding (early in life) to go without having kids.

Study is here:

And some highlights for anyone interested:

Abstract​

Childfree adults do not want to have children, making them distinct from parents and other adults without children. However, they are difficult to study because they cannot be identified using conventional data on fertility. We use data from a representative sample in the United States to examine the prevalence, age of decision, and interpersonal warmth judgments by and about childfree adults. Our prevalence estimates suggest that childfree adults are quite common, comprising over one-fifth (21.64%) of the population. Our analysis of age-to-decision suggests that most childfree adults reported that they decided they did not want children early in life. Finally, our analysis of interpersonal warmth suggests asymmetric affective polarization among parents and childfree adults driven primarily by parent’s ingroup favoritism. We discuss the implications of these findings for our understanding of childfree adults and for future research on this historically overlooked segment of the population.


Results​

Prevalence​

To determine the prevalence of childfree adults, we classified survey respondents into six mutually-exclusive reproductive statuses: parent, childfree, undecided, not-yet-parent, childless, and ambivalent. Figure 1 shows the estimated prevalence of each reproductive status as a percent of the total adult population, with the associated 95% confidence intervals. We find that childfree adults comprise 21.64% (SE = 1.65, 95% CI 18.39–24.88) of the adult population in Michigan. The prevalence of childfree adults is second only to parents who comprise 49.62% (SE = 1.81, 95% CI 46.08–53.17) of the population. The other reproductive statuses are substantially less prevalent: Undecided (9.9%), Not-yet-parents (9.58%), Childless (5.72%), Ambivalent (3.55%). Supplementary Information S1 reports prevalence by gender subgroups, which revealed few differences.
These prevalence estimates describe the entire adult population of Michigan. However, decisions about whether or not to have children are particularly pressing and salient for women without children under age 40. In this critical subpopulation, most (36.71%, SE = 4.96, 95% CI 26.99–46.43) report planning to have children (i.e., are not-yet-parents). However, we find that more report not wanting to have children (30%, SE = 4.46, 95% CI 21.25–38.75) than being undecided (26.8%, SE = 4.29, 95% CI 18.39–35.22).
Figure 1
figure 1
Prevalence of reproductive statuses.

Age of decision​

To determine when people decided to be childfree, we asked each survey respondent classified as childfree in what decade of life they reached this decision. Figure 2 shows the percent of the childfree population reporting that they decided they did not want children in each decade of life, with the associated 95% confidence intervals. We find that most childfree adults report that they decided they did not want children during prime childbearing years, in their teens (34.04%, SE = 5.39, 95% CI 23.47–44.61) or twenties (31.84%, SE = 4.71, 95% CI 22.61–41.07). Fewer childfree adults report that they arrived at this decision later in life, in their thirties (17.14%), forties (6.46%), or later (6.91%), while a small percentage of childfree adults report that they knew before age 10 that they did not want children (3.6%). Supplementary Information S2 reports age of decision by gender subgroups, which revealed no differences.
One common response to a woman’s decision not to have children is that she will ‘change her mind’16,32. If childfree women did often change their mind and later become parents, we would expect that currently childfree women who decided early not to have children (i.e., early articulators) would be relatively young. However, we find that the average age of women who reported deciding to be childfree before age 20 is 38.58 (SE = 3.57). That is, on average, we observe that early articulator women are older and report that they made the decision to be childfree at least 18 years ago.
Figure 2
figure 2
Age when childfree adults report that they decided to be childfree.

Interpersonal warmth judgements​

To examine within- and between-group judgements of interpersonal warmth among parents and childfree adults, we asked both parent and childfree respondents how warmly they felt toward each other. Figure 3 summarizes the mean interpersonal warmth judgements of parents (dashed red line) and childfree adults (solid blue line), with the associated 95% confidence intervals. Supplementary Information S3 reports interpersonal warmth judgements by gender subgroups, which revealed few differences.

First, we find that parents feel significantly warmer toward parents (M=82.09M=82.09, SE=0.81SE=0.81) than toward childfree adults (M=68.17M=68.17, SE=1.07SE=1.07; t(896)=−12.63t(896)=−12.63, p<0.001p<0.001) In contrast, childfree adults exhibit no significant difference in warmth felt toward parents (M=66.85M=66.85, SE=2.44SE=2.44) and childfree adults (M=71.58M=71.58, SE=1.98SE=1.98; t(231)=1.9t(231)=1.9, p=0.058p=0.058). That is, we observe ingroup favoritism among parents, but not among childfree adults.

Second, we find that parents feel significantly warmer toward parents than do childfree adults (t(1129)=−5.94t(1129)=−5.94, p<0.001p<0.001). However, parents and childfree adults feel similar levels of warmth toward childfree adults (t(1129)=1.52t(1129)=1.52, p=0.13p=0.13). That is, we observe that people are polarized in their feelings toward parents, but not in their feelings toward childfree adults.

Finally, we find that parents feel more ingroup warmth than childfree adults (t(1129)=−4.91t(1129)=−4.91, p<0.001p<0.001). In contrast, parents and childfree adults feel similar levels of outgroup warmth (t(1129)=−0.49t(1129)=−0.49, p=0.621p=0.621). That is, we observe that group differences in interpersonal warmth are driven by parents’ ingroup favoritism.

Figure 3
figure 3
Interpersonal warmth felt by childfree adults and parents toward each other.
 

Mondai

Member
My wife and I tried but she had 2 miscarriages in a row and my wife has a lot of medical issues so I am pretty sure she would die if that happened again and she is more important so we decided not to try anymore. I am indifferent to having kids , I admit I am very selfish when it comes to my personal time and I don’t want to sacrifice that time to raise another human and also I don’t hate kids or anything but I am 90% I would be a terrible father.
 

dem

Member
I don't want to tell anyone what to do...

But I hear a lot of "I'm too selfish for kids"
Much like giving a gift or helping others, raising a child feels amazing. Selfishly.
I feel bad for my friends who are married and choosing to not have kids. You're just reliving the same part of your life over and over.

Yes its hard for a few years... but its completely worth it.
 
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Peggies

Gold Member
Mid thirties here, well ok end of mid thirties :(

I have a seven month old boy and another one coming in 5 months. My back hurts, I'm tired, my yoni isn't what it used to be but nonetheless I'm the happiest me since kindergarden.

I used to spend so much time with thinking about things that made me sad or with numbing myself with any kind of substance.

Now I know exactly what to do and why. There's simply no time for disphorial shit. So for me it was the right choice.
 

Cyberpunkd

Gold Member
I don't want to tell anyone what to do...

But I hear a lot of "I'm too selfish for kids"
Much like giving a gift or helping others, raising a child feels amazing. Selfishly.
I feel bad for my friends who are married and choosing to not have kids. You're just reliving the same part of your life over and over.

Yes its hard for a few years... but its completely worth it.
This, kids are a quality change in your life. You are set by the time you are 30 - you really want to live the same thing over and over for the next 50 years?
Now I know exactly what to do and why. There's simply no time for disphorial shit. So for me it was the right choice.
Also this - kids teach organisation and also how to filter useless shit in your life. Helped me with my work tremendously since after our first it went like this:

“I have to pick up the kid, so I leave here at 6pm. Be precise, be quick, tell me the high level things”
 

pramod

Member
I don't have any kids, and I used to really want kids and my main justification was that, it would make my life "meaningful". ie I didn't want to be lying on my death bed and realizing "gee, I wasted my life". So I thought if I had kids, I would at least have done something meaningful.

But later on I realized, there's a million other ways to live a fulfilling, meaningful life, a life without regrets, than just randomly having kids and raising them.
 

Grildon Tundy

Gold Member

Interpersonal warmth judgements​

To examine within- and between-group judgements of interpersonal warmth among parents and childfree adults, we asked both parent and childfree respondents how warmly they felt toward each other. Figure 3 summarizes the mean interpersonal warmth judgements of parents (dashed red line) and childfree adults (solid blue line), with the associated 95% confidence intervals. Supplementary Information S3 reports interpersonal warmth judgements by gender subgroups, which revealed few differences.

First, we find that parents feel significantly warmer toward parents (M=82.09M=82.09, SE=0.81SE=0.81) than toward childfree adults (M=68.17M=68.17, SE=1.07SE=1.07; t(896)=−12.63t(896)=−12.63, p<0.001p<0.001) In contrast, childfree adults exhibit no significant difference in warmth felt toward parents (M=66.85M=66.85, SE=2.44SE=2.44) and childfree adults (M=71.58M=71.58, SE=1.98SE=1.98; t(231)=1.9t(231)=1.9, p=0.058p=0.058). That is, we observe ingroup favoritism among parents, but not among childfree adults.

Second, we find that parents feel significantly warmer toward parents than do childfree adults (t(1129)=−5.94t(1129)=−5.94, p<0.001p<0.001). However, parents and childfree adults feel similar levels of warmth toward childfree adults (t(1129)=1.52t(1129)=1.52, p=0.13p=0.13). That is, we observe that people are polarized in their feelings toward parents, but not in their feelings toward childfree adults.

Finally, we find that parents feel more ingroup warmth than childfree adults (t(1129)=−4.91t(1129)=−4.91, p<0.001p<0.001). In contrast, parents and childfree adults feel similar levels of outgroup warmth (t(1129)=−0.49t(1129)=−0.49, p=0.621p=0.621). That is, we observe that group differences in interpersonal warmth are driven by parents’ ingroup favoritism.

Figure 3
figure 3
Interpersonal warmth felt by childfree adults and parents toward each other.

[/SPOILER]
Of course Parents have an in-group bias where they prefer other Parents to Childfree Adults. Anybody who's ever been a Childfree Adult could've told you that.

Another metric I'm interested in is how often Parents spend talking to each other about how awesome they are.
 
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Days like these...

Poonani should have a ph balance of 0
I really wonder what % of parents this is, but no way you'd ever get an accurate count. Too easy to lie and say you don't regret it, and the pressure is there to do so.
Given the chance to go back in time. I don't know that I'd have children that is not to say I don'tove them, of course I do. People say "Wouldn't you miss your children?" Well, no because I would have never had them I wouldn't know what it's like.
 
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