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DevJobFail: The worst game job applications ever

Oh, excellent, I can actually contribute to this.

This is an application a friend of an ex-coworker from another studio received quite a long time ago that made the rounds around my old office a while back. But it's so long I can't paste the entire thing here, so here is the opening paragraph:

Very well, for the first word I'd like to say this to make your job and
mine easier:

I'm a new guy and it seems to me that only peoples with experience may
find a job in this industry but just give me a little time to say my
words as the democracy rules; I'm the one with no experience in working
on great games but I've done some things as I'll say more about it
next, no one ever born with experience; The Great Alexander wasn't with
ruling art once he became a king, I don't intend to compare myself with
him; or I know a driver in my city that is driving for over thirty year
but he still cannot drive the car like a me. I just want to say that
don't just throw my CV away for saying: oh this one is a rookie, burn
him; of course I'm a rookie but I'm a fortunate one; in continue I
don't use such words: I'm a Word Wizard or. I just say that I'm the
field man and that's the truth and you'll see it yourself by reading
this CV. And the last thing is that I've done all the possibilities in
Iran and I'm looking for an opportunity, you won't regret by accepting
me. And there are samples of my work, but I need an e-mail address to
send them.
Click to expand...

I promise, it only gets better from here. http://pastebin.com/eYxpgrVj

(To be fair, English wasn't the guys first language, but still...)
 
EatChildren said:
Race, sexuality, and gender, alongside certain disabilities, all of which are unavoidable birth traits that are neither indicative nor influential on your job performance and place in company culture (among other wider cultural reasons), have discrimination laws protecting them.

Explicitly listing your private, work related contact as 360noscope_420@hotmail.com and refusing to commit to an easy, two minute professional change due to rebellion, laziness, bitterness, ignorance, or whatever else, is indicative of your personality and perception of the hiring process and employers screening your application.

You're more than entitled to throw that email down on your resume, as you have that freedom. And during the early screening process where employers are digging through a mountain of resumes, trying to filter out the worst from the best so they can better organise times for interviews, yours will be cast aside. They have that freedom, that is not discrimination, that is screening, and you have absolutely zero entitlement to a job interview just for submitting an application.

If you can't see the bigger picture of the hiring process, that's your folly.
Click to expand...

Back when I was 17, freshman in college, and looking for a job, I posted on some usenet group with an email address like MrWormMonster666@aol.com. It was some kind of local job seeking usenet group. I mentioned my skills as C++, basic network administration, etc.

The only company that responded offered me a job. Later I found out they called me specifically because my email address was so completely out there and ridiculous. Of course, I didn't know what the fuck I was doing at the time, and in hindsight that was a complete facepalm of epic proportions. On the other hand, it was that email address that allowed me to get my foot in the door, and I still have a special place in my heart for my boss there, who gave me a chance and taught me a ton of shit about working in the real world.

Don't get me wrong, I completely agree with your original premise, that's just my true story of how the worst email address in the world actually GOT me a job.
 
striferser said:
I know your pain.
Our team need to follow up bugs from other studio, and the description basically telling us to find it ourself....

A fist fight? Damn, never have one in my workplace, though i do know two guys who's basically about to duke it out due to losing in Dota...
Click to expand...

Basically, young guys hired just after high school with no real ambition except smoking pot and getting headshots. During the PS2/Xbox/GC gen, teams would be flooded. Throwing as many heads at the project as possible. Activision in particular was very loose with their screening.

With no way to patch the game post launch, the idea was that, the more eyes on the game, the more likely those high priority issues would be reported. In reality there would be a bout 3 people for every 20 person team that were actually carrying the weight.

element said:
Was that because they were illiterate or because they weren't English as first language. Companies are increasingly outsourcing testing to India and other countries for cheaper labor costs. This makes things additional challenging, because these people aren't gamers, they are just doing what they are told and if it works to spec.
Click to expand...

Nope. This was before there was (as much) outsourcing as there is today. Often times the testers we had that were not native to the English language were better at actually explaining a problem.
 
Valnen said:
"Why would you like to work here" is a bullshit question anyways. The answer to that is obvious, because people need jobs to not die.
Click to expand...

That answer is BS.

They KNOW you need money to survive. But you can earn money at ANY job. They want to know why you would choose to earn your living at that particular job. It is a very fair and important question an employer uses to determine whether you'll apply yourself or if you are just looking for a paycheck.
 
Ugh I remember all the interviews I went to as an editor. I always check out the work I'm going to be working on. Their demo reels are poorly cut. No fluidity no fun no coherency. And during the interview so what kind of movies do you like? As an editor I look up to movies that are cut well and look great but nope... You have to now like indies because that's what everyone is trying to copy... Indie isn't an editing style. So frustrating. When I got a job bullshitting my way into naming a bunch of foreign artsy movies I listened to another interview and it was just torture... The boss pretty much insulted the guys taste in movies and told him to get back to him after he watches the complete Friday night lights... Ugh :(

I find it strange that in any field where creativity is important it's frowned upon during interview/cv submitting process.
 
Nags said:
Basically, young guys hired just after high school with no real ambition except smoking pot and getting headshots. During the PS2/Xbox/GC gen, teams would be flooded. Throwing as many heads at the project as possible. Activision in particular was very loose with their screening.

With no way to patch the game post launch, the idea was that, the more eyes on the game, the more likely those high priority issues would be reported. In reality there would be a bout 3 people for every 20 person team that were actually carrying the weight.



Nope. This was before there was (as much) outsourcing as there is today. Often times the testers we had that were not native to the US were better at actually explaining a problem.
Click to expand...

Quantity over quality, classic.

Got the same problem in my work place as well, then the upper management decide to be more selective when hiring people.
 
Is CV stuff a Europe thing? In the US I pretty much just sent 1 page resumes. CVs are usually for school applications and education jobs or something?
 
Hmm, babegetter420@hotmail.com. Do we really want to hire and be represented by this guy who openly uses marijuana and babe getting to represent and define his whole existence? He's qualified but he wants the world to know that weed and babes are so important in his life that he lets those things define him. Is there really nothing else in his life that he wants to be represented by? And babe getter? Will he harass our female employees?

Judging by his portfolio, homeboy can write a mean if-statement though. Let's give him a call.
 
Dachande said:
Oh, excellent, I can actually contribute to this.

This is an application a friend of an ex-coworker from another studio received quite a long time ago that made the rounds around my old office a while back. But it's so long I can't paste the entire thing here, so here is the opening paragraph:



I promise, it only gets better from here. http://pastebin.com/eYxpgrVj

(To be fair, English wasn't the guys first language, but still...)
Click to expand...

Okay, that made me smile.
That last part though...

Jarate said:
http://imgur.com/ckwosI9

here's the resume I made, what should I add to it?
Click to expand...

Nah, it's perfect!
 
Nags said:
I know people hired as QA testers (temps) that were basically illiterate. Makes understanding bugs in the database pretty tough.

The "True Crime: New York City" QA team has to be the worst I have seen in the 8 years I spent between Activision and EA. A couple fist fights actually broke out.
Click to expand...

Normally Activision provides enough cocaine to keep the testers pacified.

Also I've found that QA testers I thought were illiterate were just ESL, but its still pretty rough to deal with.
 
I did apply once for a legal internship with a comic, but the firm specifically outlined for applicants to stand out from the crowd. I understand some of the successful applicants applied in the form of song and through messages in bundles of flowers or something.

These days I stick to the boring stuff. It's way easier. I'm tidying up my facebook and twitter cos of this thread though.
 
Nags said:
Holy shit you have a lot to learn.
I would never hire you.
Click to expand...

Is he wrong? That is the truthful answer. It's not the answer you give, but it's the truthful one. You don't know whether you'd hire him or not. He obviously wouldn't give that answer in an interview. Most interview questions are bullshit. You don't say the truthful answers to these sort of questions. You say the correct ones.
 
The trouble was that I spotted 25 mistakes in his CV, even as far as he worked in the AQ department at one company. But he had really relevant experience and I still wanted to interview him at least, so when he came in, I made sure he completed the “attention to detail” test as part of the process.

Rather than give him some text with mistakes in, I gave him his own CV, 20 minutes to find the mistakes and a pen. Unfortunately he only found 14 of them and didn’t make it through to the next round
Click to expand...

This guy sounds like he woukd be a jerk to work for. I just met you and I have a position of power. Let me disrespect you while you gravel for a job from me. Mental note to not buy any of his games.
 
Confession time!

I applied to Bungie once. It was late and my wife was harassing me to go to bed... I signed the application email "Bread" instead of "Brad" and only noticed after I clicked send...


MY FINEST HOUR.

:(
 
Skenzin said:
This guy sounds like he woukd be a jerk to work for. I just met you and I have a position of power. Let me disrespect you while you gravel for a job from me. Mental note to not buy any of his games.
Click to expand...
I think the fact that the applicant was given a shot even after submitting 25 typos on one of the most professional, presentable documents someone is ever tasked to write, while applying for a writing position, no less, is worth noting.

I think it's "grovel," by the way.
 
I Wanna Be The Guy said:
Is he wrong? That is the truthful answer. It's not the answer you give, but it's the truthful one. You don't know whether you'd hire him or not. He obviously wouldn't give that answer in an interview. Most interview questions are bullshit. You don't say the truthful answers to these sort of questions. You say the correct ones.
Click to expand...

Yes. He is wrong. People feeling like they are incapable of enjoying a position should look elsewhere. Find something that gives you at least a slight bit of enjoyment. It makes you a happier person. Which translates to a better attitude at work and at home.
 
Dachande said:
Oh, excellent, I can actually contribute to this.

This is an application a friend of an ex-coworker from another studio received quite a long time ago that made the rounds around my old office a while back. But it's so long I can't paste the entire thing here, so here is the opening paragraph:



I promise, it only gets better from here. http://pastebin.com/eYxpgrVj

(To be fair, English wasn't the guys first language, but still...)
Click to expand...

This actually made me hope that someone hired him. Sounds like a good guy. (I'm being genuine here) Better English skills than a lot of people on NeoGAF too..

Screw anyone that made fun of him.
 
Nags said:
Yes. He is wrong. People feeling like they are incapable of enjoying a position should look elsewhere. Find something that gives you at least a slight bit of enjoyment. It makes you a happier person. Which translates to a better attitude at work and at home.
Click to expand...
Exactly. Companies hire for culture. We want to make sure that you are going to fit in and stick around. If we see that you have had 5 jobs in 4 years and you were odd in the interview, we are not going to hire you no matter how good you are. Recruitment, on boarding, and training are expensive.
 
bro1 said:
Exactly. Companies hire for culture. We want to make sure that you are going to fit in and stick around. If we see that you have had 5 jobs in 4 years and you were odd in the interview, we are not going to hire you no matter how good you are. Recruitment, on boarding, and training are expensive.
Click to expand...

where do you work i'll send in my resume!
 
I'm not going to post the actual resume. I came into possession of the resume of an old co-worker of mine from when he applied almost twenty years ago to the publisher where I'm still working. The most prominent item is a smiley face drawn in the middle of the page and it's a mix of very poorly formatted printed text and hand written additions. Under what I can only assume would equate to skills or experience is that he played all of our games and is a good team player.

It was for a very entry level, non-dev position, and he obviously got the job. It's still humorous when I come across it every now and then to remind him and the crew from back then of how bad of a resume it was.
 
Osiris said:
You see this is the problem, they are not deciding whether to interview you or not based on your email address, they do not study CV's as an initial step, they filter mercilessly because that job you applied for also had 1000 to 2000 other people applying for it.

So there's going to be some brutal, utterly discriminatory selection criteria for the first pass, whittle it down to a couple of hundred, of those hundred or two they are going to equally merciless on another criteria and so on, until you get to the last pass before selection of a shortlist, of those few thousand, 20 to 30 are getting interviewed.

Those passes don't just weed out the unsuitable, they weed out many suitable candidates too, but that's life - there is no way to interview hundreds, let alone thousands, so making sure you have nothing in your CV that makes you look unprofessional, or serious about your desire for the job is paramount.

"Fun, Individual, Creative, Unconventional" - These are not necessarily qualities that are being looked for and they may make for a great employee once on the job, but long before that you need your foot in the door and these "qualities" are overlooked in place of things that are of greater importance, professional, likely to be reliable, fastidious etc. all win the day, "Wacky, Not Serious, Unpredictable" gets your CV in the trash on the first pass.
Click to expand...
Exactly! If a candidate has a bad email address we often ask them to get a new one prior to submitting them to the hiring manager.
 
Nags said:
Yes. He is wrong. People feeling like they are incapable of enjoying a position should look elsewhere. Find something that gives you at least a slight bit of enjoyment. It makes you a happier person. Which translates to a better attitude at work and at home.
Click to expand...

No one enjoys working, unless they are the boss.
 
Valnen said:
If they delete emails that they're supposed to read they shouldn't be doing that job.
Click to expand...

You've unwittingly further exposed just how naive you are.

Employers are not obligated to read your CV. On the contrary; most receive so many, that they actively look for reasons not to. Most CV's will be weeded out the second the person reading them comes across something they don't like. A bad layout, font, e-mail address, etc, can result in a CV being deleted/thrown in the bin before a single word is read.

Don't like it? Better make sure you jump through all the hoops when writing your CV then. Because whether you think those hoops are arbritary or not, you need to jump through them if you want the best chance. Don't act like you're entitled to ignore long-established expectations out of principle, and still be on equal footing with people who comply to them.

By the way, don't undermine actual discrimination by attempting to play victim in regards to something you can easily change, but can't be bothered to. That implies that this is comparable to somebody not being hired because of their gender, race, etc, which is ludicrous.
 
Risible said:
I interviewed a guy for an IT position. HR made me ask all the usual asinine questions you hear in shitty interviews.

He said his only weakness was that since he was so smart he tended to make the people around him feel stupid. When asked where he saw himself in 2 years he told me "2? I'll have your job in 6 months."

I had another guy submit a resume printed on a dot-matrix printer. It was six pages long. The guy had been working temp jobs for the last three years, each lasting only a few months at most. He would list things like "Office Helper. July 2006 - September 2006. Stamped envelopes." I brought him in out of sheer curiosity and he was amazing, complete fucking psycho. My most entertaining interview ever.
Click to expand...

The first time I was ever interviewed for a job in my current field, a number of years ago, I was asked what my biggest weakness was and I said something to the effect of 'I dislike having my time wasted by questions like that.'

I got a call two days later with a job offer, I never asked but I bet HR was probably wanting those same questions asked.
 
ITT: A ton of people don't understand what EOE laws are for. They are there to protect against discrimination based on race, sex, religion, color, ethnicity, age, and disability. That's it. The employer can (and will) happily discriminate against you based on your email address, the font you chose, or anything else.
 
Jarate said:
where do you work i'll send in my resume!
Click to expand...

bro1 said:
Right now I work for a large university in Texas. If you are a doctor, nurse, academic, or in IT (obiee and etl is a plus) send me a message.
Click to expand...

Oh dear god, you walked right into this one!


Back on topic, the entire hiring process is basically one long exercise in finding reasons NOT to hire you. The person who can avoid giving these reasons will get the job.
 
Skenzin said:
This guy sounds like he woukd be a jerk to work for. I just met you and I have a position of power. Let me disrespect you while you gravel for a job from me. Mental note to not buy any of his games.
Click to expand...

the thing is he's applying for a QA position.

"Quality Assurance (QA) is a way of preventing mistakes or defects in manufactured products..."

Sending a resume with so many mistakes means you're gonna miss a lot of stuff when working, essentially being a bad QA employee.
 
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