i'll be 31 next month. i've never had a sexually intimate experience with a female. i've never kissed a female on the lips. i've never held hands with a female. i've been attracted to females all my life.
i've always wanted to be able to say, "Look who I have with me. She's with me because she's attracted to me. I get to have her for myself. Look who I get to sleep with. Look who I get to get 'physical' with. She's mine. You could only WISH you could have her."
i've been attracted to the opposite sex ever since i was a kid. and i can say with certainty that they don't give a sh*t if i'm attracted to them. they don't give a sh*t if i want to get "physical" with them. that gets to me.
right now i feel this enorumous strain and tension in my heart muscle, despite me taking a conscious, disciplined effort to take care of myself physically.
there's a new girl in the department with whom i feel a very strong sexual desire. the second i saw her i felt it. she has that "look" that i like. in a fraction of a second i imagine what it would be like to have her. to get "physical" with her. to be in bed with her. what an unbelieveable level of pleasure i can feel from being involved with her. all of these "thoughts" happen instantaneously, in a flash.
I'm not consciously thinking all of this. it's all a feeling. a flash. (this is how it's been since i was a little kid. and i'm almost 31 years old.)
there's that feeling that no (attractive) girl would think that i'm okay the way i am. ...that if I got to the point where a girl started to get to know me she wouldn't want to be with me because she'd get the feeling that i'm not okay the way i am.
no matter how much effort i put into what i do; no matter how much effort i put into what i say; no matter how much effort i put into HOW i say it; no matter how much effort i put into how i behave... it wouldn't make a difference.
in the building where i work i've seen many times situations in which a guy and an attractive girl walk together to get a coffee or snack in the convenience store downstairs. it burns me up to think that, in the two and a half years i've been here, that type of situation has never happened to me.
there's something very wrong with the fact that no female has ever voluntarily revealed personal/intimate information about her life to me -- yet they'll reveal it to OTHER guys.
it's funny... just this second i saw a guy walking together with a girl who i'm very physically attracted to... and all I could feel is pain and anger.
it's painful enough knowing that i could never have the type of girl that i want. but believe me -- that pain goes to a whole new level when i think of the fact that other guys get to have her. honestly, with the exception of married couples or possibly couples in long-term/serious relationships, NOTHING is more painful to me than the mere THOUGHT of a guy getting "physical" with a girl with whom i feel a strong, immediate physical/sexual attraction.
i've always wanted to be able to say, "Look who I have with me. She's with me because she's attracted to me. I get to have her for myself. Look who I get to sleep with. Look who I get to get 'physical' with. She's mine. You could only WISH you could have her."
i've been attracted to the opposite sex ever since i was a kid. and i can say with certainty that they don't give a sh*t if i'm attracted to them. they don't give a sh*t if i want to get "physical" with them. that gets to me.
right now i feel this enorumous strain and tension in my heart muscle, despite me taking a conscious, disciplined effort to take care of myself physically.
there's a new girl in the department with whom i feel a very strong sexual desire. the second i saw her i felt it. she has that "look" that i like. in a fraction of a second i imagine what it would be like to have her. to get "physical" with her. to be in bed with her. what an unbelieveable level of pleasure i can feel from being involved with her. all of these "thoughts" happen instantaneously, in a flash.
I'm not consciously thinking all of this. it's all a feeling. a flash. (this is how it's been since i was a little kid. and i'm almost 31 years old.)
there's that feeling that no (attractive) girl would think that i'm okay the way i am. ...that if I got to the point where a girl started to get to know me she wouldn't want to be with me because she'd get the feeling that i'm not okay the way i am.
no matter how much effort i put into what i do; no matter how much effort i put into what i say; no matter how much effort i put into HOW i say it; no matter how much effort i put into how i behave... it wouldn't make a difference.
in the building where i work i've seen many times situations in which a guy and an attractive girl walk together to get a coffee or snack in the convenience store downstairs. it burns me up to think that, in the two and a half years i've been here, that type of situation has never happened to me.
there's something very wrong with the fact that no female has ever voluntarily revealed personal/intimate information about her life to me -- yet they'll reveal it to OTHER guys.
it's funny... just this second i saw a guy walking together with a girl who i'm very physically attracted to... and all I could feel is pain and anger.
it's painful enough knowing that i could never have the type of girl that i want. but believe me -- that pain goes to a whole new level when i think of the fact that other guys get to have her. honestly, with the exception of married couples or possibly couples in long-term/serious relationships, NOTHING is more painful to me than the mere THOUGHT of a guy getting "physical" with a girl with whom i feel a strong, immediate physical/sexual attraction.
