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vladdamad
Member
(05-23-2013, 11:59 PM)
This is one of those threads, isn't it.
Raiden
prruuwuu
(05-23-2013, 11:59 PM)
Raiden's Avatar

Originally Posted by Sane_Man

I tried my best.

Goddamn man i'll never look at you and your avatar the same again :O
Ronin
Member
(05-24-2013, 12:00 AM)

Originally Posted by Sane_Man

I tried my best.

Mother of god....
salva
Banned
(05-24-2013, 12:04 AM)
salva's Avatar

Originally Posted by Sane_Man

I tried my best.

What the fuck, bro. I kept turning around as I was listening to this to see if anyone was going to stab me.
Rehynn
Member
(05-24-2013, 12:04 AM)
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Originally Posted by Sane_Man

I tried my best.

I salute you.
TacticalFox88
Banned
(05-24-2013, 12:05 AM)
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This thread needs a SuhniLegend GIF
NukeLaser
Junior Member
(05-24-2013, 12:06 AM)
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I should show my girlfriend this thread. She thinks I am crazy for laying down the "sex blanket" on my bed before we get it on. I only have one set of sheets right now; I can't be doing laundry 4 times a week!
Sane_Man
Member
(05-24-2013, 12:08 AM)
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Originally Posted by TacticalFox88

This thread needs a SuhniLegend GIF

It so does. He should have his own bat signal for this kinda thing.
Raiden
prruuwuu
(05-24-2013, 12:09 AM)
Raiden's Avatar

Originally Posted by NukeLaser

I should show my girlfriend this thread. She thinks I am crazy for laying down the "sex blanket" on my bed before we get it on. I only have one set of sheets right now; I can't be doing laundry 4 times a week!

Is it normal for couples to change sheets after sex? If so i'm probably disgusting.
Stormtrooper30
Member
(05-24-2013, 12:14 AM)
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Originally Posted by Sane_Man

I tried my best.

Post of the day, give this man a medal.
Zeouterlimits
Member
(05-24-2013, 12:15 AM)
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Originally Posted by JustHadToJoin

Been thinking about sex all day and I got to thinking.. I wonder how other people initiate/end sex? You can only ever see what you do right? How do you change the mood from hanging out to horny? How do you get her to the point where she opens up and lets you dive in? At what point does he get turned on by you enough and decide to lay you down? And at the end how do y'all keep your stuff clean?

I know it shouldn't be the identical all the time but everyone has patterns that work. Here's my routine

Ignoring whats happened in the past couple minutes or hours or whatever, whenever I want to change the mood I begin to take long pauses in between her comments and questions. In between comments so she wonders what I'm thinking and in between questions so she starts to make more eye contact while waiting for a response.

I'll be sure to strengthen bass in my voice a bit more than usual, and I'll slow down my responses a bit..it feels like the rumble of bass echoes into her.

I'll start to speak more forcefully, personally, and interact more directly. For example, should she ask, "you know what I wanted earlier today?" my response isn't, "what?" My response is (remembering to pause for 1/2 - 1.5 seconds) "tell me what you wanted" with direct eye contact and stroking the bass.

Once I notice that she is having trouble continuing normal conversations (not stuttering, but its clear that I'm inside her mind is she is thinking about it-this is plain and obvious) I'll figure out some compliment to bring her my way. "Is that the perfume you bought last week? Come here....gud smel... wow...such scent. "

/touching /kissing /eye contact /seduction

Put on music and I always dive in first. only because women take so much more more to get ready. Theres no routine during however.

I'm really curious about the end. I always have some sort of improvised cumrag around for when I'm ready. I haven't been lucky enough to be with many women who want it on their body, but I've also been lucky enough to be in longer relationships so I always came inside. but it has to come back out and I hate it on my bed. So I just put her on a towel I had nearby or t shirt or blanket or whatever and let it drip onto that. What do other people do? I feel like its weird to do what I do here. You all just let it flow out and then change your sheets? still stains the mattress that way..

this all goes out the window after 7 shots sadly

How do you put in work?

Originally Posted by Steamlord

Can somebody please do a dramatic reading of this

Originally Posted by Sane_Man

I tried my best.

Jesus. So ...glad (?) I came back into the thread.
apocalidiot
Banned
(05-24-2013, 12:23 AM)
apocalidiot's Avatar

Originally Posted by Sane_Man

I tried my best.

This is pretty awesome. well done
threetri333
Banned
(05-24-2013, 12:24 AM)
Open up laptop and masturbate. I always do it many times in the mornings and evenings. Usually I do it multiple times a go: at least twice. I have been doing this everyday minus rare exceptions when I'm at vacations or not in a very bad mood. I hate being a virgin.
Fersis
It is illegal to Tag Fish in Tag Fishing Sanctuaries by law 38.36 of the GAF Wildlife Act
(05-24-2013, 12:24 AM)
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I open a couple of tabs with Melissa Clarke pictures ....
DominoKid
Geocities gawdamn :(
(05-24-2013, 12:24 AM)
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Classic.
bjb
Banned
(05-24-2013, 12:26 AM)
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Originally Posted by Sane_Man

I tried my best.

LOL
General_Zod
Banned
(05-24-2013, 12:35 AM)

Originally Posted by Sane_Man

I tried my best.

Wow! whole new level of creepy.

And what is that music?
Wickwire
Member
(05-24-2013, 12:41 AM)
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Originally Posted by Sane_Man

I tried my best.

hahahahaha holy. shit. im in tears right now
UFRA
Member
(05-24-2013, 12:43 AM)
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Originally Posted by Sane_Man

I tried my best.

Fucking incredible.

11/10

I cracked up laughing multiple times. I love how you read the parts in parentheses quickly as a side-thought.
Nibel
Member
(05-24-2013, 12:43 AM)
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Originally Posted by Sane_Man

I tried my best.

Holy shit :lol
Moff
Member
(05-24-2013, 12:50 AM)
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I think rather than a dramatic reading I think the OP would be perfect read with the voice and music of this game trailer here
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4leT3YbB79U
Syph Medwes
sharp knees?
yes please!
(05-24-2013, 12:55 AM)
Syph Medwes's Avatar

Originally Posted by DoctorWho

Routine?

When it becomes routine, you're doing it wrong.

THIS.
Spontaneous is the best. Ever done it outside the house? The higher the risk of getting caught the more fun it is.
Plywood
NeoGAF's smiling token!
(05-24-2013, 12:57 AM)
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Originally Posted by threetri333

Open up laptop and masturbate. I always do it many times in the mornings and evenings. Usually I do it multiple times a go: at least twice. I have been doing this everyday minus rare exceptions when I'm at vacations or not in a very bad mood. I hate being a virgin.

You just want an avatar quote.
Vermillion
Banned
(05-24-2013, 01:00 AM)

Originally Posted by Sane_Man

I tried my best.

Ohhhhhhhmmyyyyyyyygoooooddddddddd
ZeroRay
Member
(05-24-2013, 01:01 AM)
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Originally Posted by Sane_Man

I tried my best.

Best thing this forum's produced in 2013.
Misterhbk
Member
(05-24-2013, 01:02 AM)
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Originally Posted by Sane_Man

I tried my best.

Fuckin dead. Lmao
HoJu
Member
(05-24-2013, 01:05 AM)

Originally Posted by inSane_Man

I tried my best.

perfection
Muffdraul
Member
(05-24-2013, 01:08 AM)
Muffdraul's Avatar
1. in
2. out
repeat
Madridy
Member
(05-24-2013, 01:13 AM)
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Originally Posted by Sane_Man

I tried my best.

I got shivers...

amazing
DrBo42
Member
(05-24-2013, 01:17 AM)
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Originally Posted by Billen

I'm dying. What a fucking bizarre OP, you have to be joking.
Fjordson
Member
(05-24-2013, 01:21 AM)
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Originally Posted by Sane_Man

I tried my best.

Holy shit I'm dying :lol what is that music? Lmfao. This sounds like something from Saw or some shit.
rugioh
Banned
(05-24-2013, 01:25 AM)

Originally Posted by Katzii

"What if I talk like this?"

HAHAHAHAHAH that music is 2spooky
HP_Wuvcraft
Banned
(05-24-2013, 01:27 AM)
HP_Wuvcraft's Avatar

Originally Posted by Harry Potter

I know right, because it's crazy that someone on GAF could actually be having sex. The outrage!!!

Have you been here long?
tycoonheart
Member
(05-24-2013, 01:27 AM)
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lmao, perfect background music for that reading.
Luap
Member
(05-24-2013, 01:28 AM)
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This thread went places.

Originally Posted by Sane_Man

I tried my best.

Goddamn. The creepiness of your voice and the music is perfect for the OP. 10/10 would wtf again.
Black Republican
water to wine
the drink exchanger
(05-24-2013, 01:31 AM)
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Gaf advice on sex? wrong board
Sane_Man
Member
(05-24-2013, 01:31 AM)
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Originally Posted by Fjordson

Holy shit I'm dying :lol what is that music? Lmfao. This sounds like something from Saw or some shit.

I recorded it on Garageband and just looped some quick sounds I made for the background.
Aeriscloud
Banned
(05-24-2013, 01:31 AM)

Originally Posted by Sane_Man

I tried my best.

Oh... My God.
Fjordson
Member
(05-24-2013, 01:34 AM)
Fjordson's Avatar

Originally Posted by Sane_Man

I recorded it on Garageband and just looped some quick sounds I made for the background.

Nice. Fucking flawless :lol
linkboy
Member
(05-24-2013, 01:37 AM)
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There isn't one, because there isn't any. My wife isn't that interested in it.
Dapperk
Member
(05-24-2013, 01:40 AM)
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Originally Posted by Sane_Man

I tried my best.

gat dayummm
Snaku
Banned
(05-24-2013, 01:45 AM)
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My girl is on the pill, but we're too scared to do it raw. Condoms suck so bad, but she's so against abortion we just don't wanna risk that 1%.
Ghostofst4rm4n
Junior Member
(05-24-2013, 01:51 AM)
Ghostofst4rm4n's Avatar

Originally Posted by Snaku

My girl is on the pill, but we're too scared to do it raw. Condoms suck so bad, but she's so against abortion we just don't wanna risk that 1%.

Was there anything in particular that made her start using the pill?
IceCold
Member
(05-24-2013, 01:53 AM)
IceCold's Avatar

Originally Posted by Snaku

My girl is on the pill, but we're too scared to do it raw. Condoms suck so bad, but she's so against abortion we just don't wanna risk that 1%.

I don't think I'd even date a girl who's against abortions. Fuck that, too risky.
NathanMcMahon
Banned
(05-24-2013, 01:55 AM)
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Originally Posted by Darklord

I sit at the computer and slowly jack off until I find something sick and disgusting, blow my load, then close 46 tabs.

man, this is so familiar it's uncomfortable.
Moppet13
Member
(05-24-2013, 01:59 AM)
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Originally Posted by Sane_Man

I tried my best.

Holy shit that's too good. So creepy.
CassSept
Member
(05-24-2013, 02:00 AM)
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Originally Posted by Sane_Man

I tried my best.

Just wanted to salute you, because this deserves to be on the first page. God damn.
IamMattFox
Banned
(05-24-2013, 02:07 AM)
IamMattFox's Avatar

Originally Posted by Sane_Man

I tried my best.

Good work. I made an interpretation too that I was just able to upload.

My throat hurts. (1.1 and a half seconds)
vikki
Member
(05-24-2013, 02:08 AM)
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Originally Posted by Sane_Man

I tried my best.

I'm dying here. Sooo good.
Silent_Bomber
Banned
(05-24-2013, 02:13 AM)
Reminds me of this -

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RUzZD9NA90I

OP needs to be read with an Alan Partridge voice LOL

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