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Ezalc
Member
(05-23-2013, 08:24 PM)
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Originally Posted by Billen

Forgot "tell me what you wanted."
NoRéN
Member
(05-23-2013, 08:24 PM)
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i get naked, lube up and run at the woman like a dart. Let come what may.
Steamlord
Member
(05-23-2013, 08:25 PM)
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RobertM
Member
(05-23-2013, 08:26 PM)
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I like how OP has it down to science when it comes to pauses and voice control.
Vermillion
Banned
(05-23-2013, 08:28 PM)
First I park my car, then I fuck your bitch.

Based God
Tesseract
Banned
(05-23-2013, 08:29 PM)
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you gotta snarl and roar and stuff, ladies like that.
JustHadToJoin
Member
(05-23-2013, 08:29 PM)

Originally Posted by JokerOfSpades

First I park my car, then I fuck your bitch.

Based God

hahah..I was hoping at least one person would say this.
Blair
Banned
(05-23-2013, 08:30 PM)
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90TilInfinity
Member
(05-23-2013, 08:31 PM)
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Real tears b.

I feel like you copy/pasted this from Misc then translated it.
Wickwire
Member
(05-23-2013, 08:31 PM)
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this is my favorite thread ever.
TUSR
Member
(05-23-2013, 08:32 PM)
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Originally Posted by Blair

http://www.abload.de/img/wutzeswh.jpg

thank you, I didn't want to have to make that at work.
Winterfang
Banned
(05-23-2013, 08:33 PM)
Not having it.
Vermillion
Banned
(05-23-2013, 08:34 PM)

Originally Posted by JustHadToJoin

hahah..I was hoping at least one person would say this.

I aim to please :P
Raptor
Banned
(05-23-2013, 08:34 PM)

Originally Posted by LabouredSubterfuge

"Come here....gud smel... wow...such scent. "

And then anal.

Jesus Christ!!!1

Osiris
I permanently banned my 6 year old daughter from using the PS4 for mistakenly sending grief reports as it's too hard to watch or talk to her
(05-23-2013, 08:36 PM)
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Hope the kids go out, if they do, fuck, if they don't then look at each other sorrowfully and say "Fuck". :P
Dmncnby2k9
Banned
(05-23-2013, 08:40 PM)
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I eat, she sucks, then we fuck
carfo
Banned
(05-23-2013, 08:41 PM)
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weird thread, anyway, yeah towels are pretty much required, for me at least, don't want all that leaking on my bed
Luap
Member
(05-23-2013, 08:42 PM)
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What in the flying fuck OP
Dennis
Banned
(05-23-2013, 08:43 PM)
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Originally Posted by JustHadToJoin

I'll be sure to strengthen bass in my voice a bit more than usual, and I'll slow down my responses a bit..it feels like the rumble of bass echoes into her.

I'll start to speak more forcefully, personally, and interact more directly.

lmao this is comedy gold
Ronin
Member
(05-23-2013, 08:46 PM)
"Let's rub our privates together."
Levito
Banned
(05-23-2013, 08:46 PM)
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"tell me what you wanted"


Can't breathe.
PetriP-TNT
Member
(05-23-2013, 08:47 PM)
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Originally Posted by TUSR

lmao

A plus thread in every way
Steamlord
Member
(05-23-2013, 08:49 PM)
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Can somebody please do a dramatic reading of this
Vermillion
Banned
(05-23-2013, 08:49 PM)

Originally Posted by LabouredSubterfuge

"Come here....gud smel... wow...such scent. "

Mmmm... cupcakes.
BeEatNU
WORLDSTAAAAAAR
(05-23-2013, 08:52 PM)
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Originally Posted by Harry Potter

I know right, because it's crazy that someone on GAF could actually be having sex. The outrage!!!

haha
1.21Gigawatts
Member
(05-23-2013, 08:52 PM)
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Step1: Taking out my wallet.
Step2: Finish.
CrankyJay
Banned
(05-23-2013, 08:53 PM)
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Ask for sex from the wife, get turned down. Sulk.
Pappasman
Member
(05-23-2013, 08:54 PM)
"gud smel" might be the best thing I've ever read. hahahahaha.
CrankyJay
Banned
(05-23-2013, 08:57 PM)
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Originally Posted by Brian Griffin

"Baby's asleep, wanna fuck?"

"Shit yeah!"

*fuck*

*finish*

"Goddamn that was awesome."

*cleanup in the bathroom and she has to pee because bladder infections*

"Wanna snuggle on the couch and watch TV?"

"Shit yeah!"

The spoken lines can be said be either one of us. Married sex is simple sex and best sex.

What's your secret? Baby wipes out my wife (yes, I do help with baby) and she's just not interested.
bjb
Banned
(05-23-2013, 08:57 PM)
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This whole thing reads like "Virgin Diaries: Volume 1. Gud Smell".
Conciliator
Banned
(05-23-2013, 08:58 PM)
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I open my eyes really wide and put on an evil-clown kind of smile and then just stare until I get what I want.

EDIT: wow this thread is amazing
Neo Child
Banned
(05-23-2013, 08:59 PM)
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Originally Posted by CrankyJay

What's your secret? Baby wipes out my wife (yes, I do help with baby) and she's just not interested.

if you're getting your baby involved then thats possibly a reason
steveovig
Member
(05-23-2013, 08:59 PM)
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I've actually contemplated talking like Butthead during sex just to see my wife's reaction. She hates the poor little guy and that's about the only impression I get right.
CrankyJay
Banned
(05-23-2013, 09:00 PM)
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Originally Posted by Neo Child

if you're getting your baby involved then thats possibly a reason

...that's sick and inappropriate.
GungHo
Single-handedly caused Exxon-Mobil to sue FOX, start World War 3
(05-23-2013, 09:12 PM)
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I quote the Ten Commandments.

"I don't feel like it doing it now."
"Does that matter? You are my wife. You will come to me whenever I call you, and I will enjoy that very much. Whether you enjoy it or not is your own affair. But I think you will... "
"I'm busy now. Stop playing with my boobs."
"You will be mine, like my dog, or my horse, or my falcon, except that I shall love you more - and trust you less. "
"Ok, fine... a little handsy if you'll just leave me the hell alone."
"Do you haggle with me, like a seller of melons, in the marketplace?"
"Oh god, just get it over with."
"The power of your god is a cheap magician's trick."
SolsticeZero
Banned
(05-23-2013, 09:14 PM)
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My fiancee and I look at each other and take our clothes off. We don't have some special mating ritual.
Plywood
NeoGAF's smiling token!
(05-23-2013, 09:15 PM)
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I don't have a sex routine because I don't have sex. Haha, get it? Sex!
Vermillion
Banned
(05-23-2013, 09:18 PM)

Originally Posted by GungHo

I quote the Ten Commandments.

"I don't feel like it doing it now."
"Does that matter? You are my wife. You will come to me whenever I call you, and I will enjoy that very much. Whether you enjoy it or not is your own affair. But I think you will... "
"I'm busy now. Stop playing with my boobs."
"You will be mine, like my dog, or my horse, or my falcon, except that I shall love you more - and trust you less. "
"Ok, fine... a little handsy if you'll just leave me the hell alone."
"Do you haggle with me, like a seller of melons, in the marketplace?"
"Oh god, just get it over with."
"The power of your god is a cheap magician's trick."

lmaoo
BossLackey
Junior Member
(05-23-2013, 09:21 PM)
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Usually we're on the bed as that's what we're on when watching TV/Movies. She likes when I massage her ass, so I'll start doing that while whatever we're watching wraps up. I very slowly transition from rubbing her ass (or whatever it is) to rubbing a little too close to a lady part. She almost always, without fail, says "What are you doing?" all drawn out like she knows what I'm doing. If she's into, there ya go. Like you, I come inside as well. She will always go to the bathroom immediately and sit on the toilet and 'let it out' and wipe a bunch (she always keeps the door open). Then she usually makes a comment a minute later like "it's still coming out" and goes back to the bathroom.
Ezalc
Member
(05-23-2013, 09:23 PM)
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Originally Posted by Plywood

I don't have a sex routine because I don't have sex. Haha, get it? Sex!

It's ok to cry Plywood.
POWERSPHERE
Banned
(05-23-2013, 09:23 PM)
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If you blow your dicksnot up in that ladyhole she should get up and go to the toilet, not just let it soak your bed as it oozes out like a gross creep unless she loves UTIs.
phosphor112
Banned
(05-23-2013, 09:30 PM)
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Oh god, this thread. Lmfao.
nullset2
Junior Member
(05-23-2013, 09:38 PM)
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OP's intention with the thread didn't seem to be to make his stuff sound hilarious or creepy, but it kinda ended up being like that. I do appreciate that its second part seems to focus on the logistics in dealing with the involved materials in sex, which is good enough for discussion I think, even if the delivery is rather crass, cum rags and all.

Why aren't you using a condom, OP?

Edit: oh my God the responses I'm this thread #dead
SlipperySlope
Banned
(05-23-2013, 09:39 PM)
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Not to derail, but how often do you guys have sex? For me, it averages about twice a week. Married.
BomberMouse
Member
(05-23-2013, 09:39 PM)
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Originally Posted by stuminus3

My wife would laugh me out of the house if I did anything mentioned in the OP.

.
CrankyJay
Banned
(05-23-2013, 09:42 PM)
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Originally Posted by SlipperySlope

Not to derail, but how often do you guys have sex? For me, it averages about twice a week. Married.

Fuck you....

Once a month...last time I tried to hold out so she would initiate and I went 2 months before I caved.
SolsticeZero
Banned
(05-23-2013, 09:42 PM)
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Originally Posted by SlipperySlope

Not to derail, but how often do you guys have sex? For me, it averages about twice a week. Married.

Five or six times a week. Engaged.
FallingEdge
Member
(05-23-2013, 09:44 PM)
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Originally Posted by CrankyJay

Fuck you....

Once a month...last time I tried to hold out so she would initiate and I went 2 months before I caved.

that is very depressing ;_;
JustHadToJoin
Member
(05-23-2013, 09:46 PM)

Originally Posted by nullset2

OP's intention with the thread didn't seem to be to make his stuff sound hilarious or creepy, but it kinda ended up being like that. I do appreciate that its second part seems to focus on the logistics in dealing with the involved materials in sex, which is good enough for discussion I think, even if the delivery is rather crass, cum rags and all.

Yeah you've got the right idea. Originally I was only gong to ask the last part but then I got a little too into it.

Originally Posted by nullset2

Why aren't you using a condom, OP?

In my past I haven't needed to much
Beermeister
Banned
(05-23-2013, 09:49 PM)

Originally Posted by JustHadToJoin

: What's your sex routine?

Routine? When it becomes routine, you're doing it wrong. Wrong, I say!

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