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flippedb
Banned
(05-23-2013, 07:02 PM)
1. go to xhamster.com
2. clic on video
3. wait for it to load
4. masturbate

That's how my daily sex routine goes.
BruiserBear
Banned
(05-23-2013, 07:03 PM)
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weird thread is weird
Drencrom
Member
(05-23-2013, 07:03 PM)
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I just go with the flow

Originally Posted by bud

Hahaha
Last edited by Drencrom; 05-23-2013 at 07:06 PM.
Double D
Member
(05-23-2013, 07:04 PM)
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I sing my wife lyrics to Nickelback songs until her pants are around her feet.
Phire Phox
Banned
(05-23-2013, 07:04 PM)

Originally Posted by Darklord

I sit at the computer and slowly jack off until I find something sick and disgusting, blow my load, then close 46 tabs.

joelparrett
Junior Member
(05-23-2013, 07:04 PM)

Originally Posted by John Dunbar

i open a new incognito window and see where the evening takes me.

JD you are making me swoon.
SeanR1221
Banned
(05-23-2013, 07:05 PM)
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I stick my finger in her butthole. That usually gets her engine running.
JustHadToJoin
Member
(05-23-2013, 07:05 PM)

Originally Posted by Double D

I sing my wife lyrics to Nickelback songs until her pants are around her feet.

Can't sing at all. Feel like it could add so much
I know you're joking
AkuMifune
Banned
(05-23-2013, 07:05 PM)
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Missionary, cowgirl, finish doggy.
flippedb
Banned
(05-23-2013, 07:05 PM)

Originally Posted by JustHadToJoin

Can't sing at all. Feel like it could add so much
I know you're joking

Is he?
Krauser Kat
Member
(05-23-2013, 07:06 PM)
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it happens all sorts of ways. Picking her up and just throwing her onto the bed is a pretty good start. Making a really good diner for her also a great way. Or you know just straight telling or asking for it.
Last edited by Krauser Kat; 05-23-2013 at 07:10 PM.
Seanspeed
Banned
(05-23-2013, 07:06 PM)
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The good old spoon'n'poke.
salva
Banned
(05-23-2013, 07:06 PM)
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You're fucking creepy, OP. Hahaha
besada
#NotMyAmerica
(05-23-2013, 07:07 PM)
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Originally Posted by steveovig

I just usually say "do you want to have sex sometime in the next few hours." I'm married, it's not some puzzle that needs to be solved.

Yep. One of us usually says, "You wanna fuck?"

Then it's kissing, fondling, blowjob, cunnilingus, fucking. Sometimes bits get left off, sometimes we do it in a different order, but that's the standard meal plan.
CarpeDeezNutz
Member
(05-23-2013, 07:07 PM)
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Hahahaha wut? Way too much overthinking. It's an intuitive thing you can just sense when they want to have sex. One thing I do like to do is pick up my girl and carry her to my bed like a caveman.
TUSR
Member
(05-23-2013, 07:08 PM)
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"Is that the perfume you bought last week? Come here....gud smel... wow...such scent. "

IamMattFox
Member
(05-23-2013, 07:09 PM)
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I lower the bass of my voice and tell her something direct like "It rubs the lotion on its skin."
CrudeDiatribe
Member
(05-23-2013, 07:09 PM)
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She gives me money, then I get a saving throw for half damage, then I get out the mop.
Skeyser
Member
(05-23-2013, 07:09 PM)
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Originally Posted by TUSR

lmao I missed that part
JDSN
Banned
(05-23-2013, 07:09 PM)
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I insert and withdraw my penis repeatedly in a vagina until I come.
maquiladora
Member
(05-23-2013, 07:10 PM)
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I talk to the hand.
AVclub
Junior Member
(05-23-2013, 07:10 PM)
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I find that no change in mood is necessary. When you're with someone who wants you, they are always game. Sometimes when I'm driving with my wife, I'll reach over and tweak her nipple to get a giggle out of her. The other night we were watching TV. Our son was upstairs sleeping. The show we were watching was over and she was about to go upstairs to bed. So I said, "Hold on a sec..." and crawled over to her side of the couch and started kissing her. I stroked her neck a bit, ran my fingers through her hair, then let my hands wander. Before you know it, her clothes are coming off, as are mine. We had some fun in the living room then ran upstairs to have more fun in the bedroom.

This is by no means a routine. It's different every time. There's just no elaborate preparation. Chemistry between two people means you don't have to trick each other into sex with some subtle ploys.

As for after, sometimes we use towels, but usually we clean ourselves up in the bathroom. She tends to go first since the majority of the mess is on her when we're done.
Bread
Whole Wheat
(05-23-2013, 07:11 PM)
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Hahahahahah omg this thread

the part about him lowering his voice has me dying
JustHadToJoin
Member
(05-23-2013, 07:11 PM)

Originally Posted by CarpeDeezNutz

Hahahaha wut? Way too much overthinking. It's an intuitive thing you can just sense when they want to have sex. One thing I do like to do is pick up my girl and carry her to my bed like a caveman.

Maybe I wrote too much in the OP so people skimmed a bit. I'm not over thinking anything. I just thought about my past and noticed some "steps" or "tactics" or whatever you want to call them that I usually use and wrote em down.

thought y'all would too LOL
Husker86
Member
(05-23-2013, 07:11 PM)
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She complains about me being on the computer and not watching TV with her. I get off computer, have sex with her and then get back on the computer.

I've been trying to learn Android app development lately so that has made me be at my computer more than usual.
stufte
Banned
(05-23-2013, 07:11 PM)
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OP, keep some kleenex on the bedside table. Other than that, who cares how you get from point A to point B, everyone is different.
Eidan
Member
(05-23-2013, 07:11 PM)
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Not entirely sure how to respond to this. Circumstances are often different. The only consistent thing is that at some point my erection was touched.
Acorn
Member
(05-23-2013, 07:11 PM)
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I send a note saying " I like you, wanna fuck? Yes/no. Delete as appropriate"

Seriously though it generally just happens.
LabouredSubterfuge
Member
(05-23-2013, 07:12 PM)
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"Come here....gud smel... wow...such scent. "

And then anal.
BobLoblaw
Member
(05-23-2013, 07:12 PM)
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Originally Posted by Kentpaul

Foreplay then fucking.

This is the order. What or how they go down is up to my imagination. I don't plan shit.
Minus_Me
Member
(05-23-2013, 07:13 PM)
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Originally Posted by AVclub

As for after, sometimes we use towels, but usually we clean ourselves up in the bathroom. She tends to go first since the majority of the mess is on her when we're done.

This made me laugh.
wenis
Registered for GAF on September 11, 2001.
(05-23-2013, 07:13 PM)
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Whatever happens, happens. Then a shower.
ToxicAdam
Banned
(05-23-2013, 07:14 PM)
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1. Lick it

2. Stick it

3. Internet
Ryaaan14
Member
(05-23-2013, 07:14 PM)
There's this fish shaped like a hand named Fresh that sneaks in and starts groping the shit out of my girlfriend and does flips and stuff.
flamingotripod
Member
(05-23-2013, 07:14 PM)
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OP all over dat negging
bud
straight
(05-23-2013, 07:14 PM)
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"Is that the perfume you bought last week? Come here....gud smel... wow...such scent. "

this is absolutely incredible.
Tesseract
Banned
(05-23-2013, 07:15 PM)
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boogery snot everywhere.
Baconsaurus Rex
Member
(05-23-2013, 07:15 PM)
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1. Try to find a mate
le.phat
Member
(05-23-2013, 07:16 PM)
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i put on my bass voice, then grab the ol' beads and jingle them around 'till she gets the idea.
Hawkian
The Cryptarch's Bane
(05-23-2013, 07:18 PM)
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Come here....gud smel... wow...such scent.

i'm just quoting this, i have nothing of substance to add.
FeD.nL
Member
(05-23-2013, 07:20 PM)
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I don't have a routine, I improvise.
Ezalc
Member
(05-23-2013, 07:20 PM)
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Originally Posted by Ashhong

I'm still laughing at the "tell me what you wanted" part lol.

This hahahahaha.
Green Wiggly
Member
(05-23-2013, 07:21 PM)
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I meet her Grandmother. We laugh for hours reminiscing about the old country, eating ribbon candy and dancing the Charleston.
I promise things I have no intention of ever doing.
We go out for a late lunch, I packed up the picnic basket the night before.
As the sun sets, we look into each others eyes. I begin to chew the fish sticks with my mouth open.
I tell her that sweater looks awful on her. She begins to lose interest.
I pretend to choke on a mouthful of Cheetos.
After she gives me CPR, I suggest we go to the Holiday Inn. It's right up the street.
I need to stop at the Walgreens on the way to pick up my prescription. And dog food.
She waits in the car.
We finish checking in, but only after she agrees to pay for half the room. It's only fair.
As we climb the stairs to our sensual love grotto, I get that funny feeling, that rush of exhilaration...and shame.
I need to change my pants. And get a refund for the room.
She looks upset about something.
I ask for a ride to IHOP.
With each syrupy bite, I am VERY satisfied.
Greyvvolf
Member
(05-23-2013, 07:21 PM)
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Originally Posted by JustHadToJoin

I'll start to speak more forcefully, personally, and interact more directly. For example, should she ask, "you know what I wanted earlier today?" my response isn't, "what?" My response is (remembering to pause for 1/2 - 1.5 seconds) "tell me what you wanted" with direct eye contact and stroking the bass.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature...IN1GN4Q4#t=78s
newsguy
Member
(05-23-2013, 07:21 PM)
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I simply keep an Xbox One game in my pocket. When the time is right I lean over and whisper, "girl are we fuckin'?Cause this activation code ain't payin' itself."
Acorn
Member
(05-23-2013, 07:22 PM)
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Originally Posted by Tesseract

boogery snot everywhere.

That's not snot.
Billen
Banned
(05-23-2013, 07:22 PM)
JustHadToJoin
Member
(05-23-2013, 07:23 PM)
^^ geez man

Originally Posted by Ezalc

This hahahahaha.

I can see how this looks ridiculous written down. stupid surely. Not like I can prove the effect it has or positive comments I've gotten about the way I talk. but its effect is clearly visible..always works
Brian Griffin
Member
(05-23-2013, 07:23 PM)
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"Baby's asleep, wanna fuck?"

"Shit yeah!"

*fuck*

*finish*

"Goddamn that was awesome."

*cleanup in the bathroom and she has to pee because bladder infections*

"Wanna snuggle on the couch and watch TV?"

"Shit yeah!"

The spoken lines can be said be either one of us. Married sex is simple sex and best sex.
Nori Chan
Banned
(05-23-2013, 07:23 PM)
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Originally Posted by Skeyser

i just whip out my penis

what i basically do

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