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Polioliolio
Member
(10-07-2017, 01:52 PM)
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Originally Posted by Violence Jack

Breastfeeding advice needed. The lactation consultant told us to feed our son every 3 hours. Other parents have said they feed their kid when they're hungry. How often have you guys fed your kids when they were newborns?

Feed him when he's hungry. Ours is about 5 months now, an I can't quite remember how often he was eating before, but I feel like it was the same as it is now, which is about every 1.5 hours to 2 hours.


Edit:

I wanted to ask what you guys do to intellectually stimulate your babies. I talk to, goof around with, sing to, hold almost constantly, we read a few books every day, play with plush animals and colorful crinkly toys, play with wooden blocks, sometimes wih puppets, tummy time, practice walking and crawling though he can't do either yet, often have music playing, etc. He's currently just about 5 months old.

I want to hit all the bases. One thing I try to avoid though, and it may not be something to worry about but I feel better about it, is avoiding letting him watch screens in general, like stare at televisions which I assume would be very interesting to look at. Somewhat similarly, I avoid toys that have bright flashing lights. I've caught him staring into such lights on a couple toys before, and joke that he's staring into its dead lights and he mustn't do that. So we don't play with those long. Someone gave him this talking dog toy which has a large blue LED that is incredibly bright on the collar, which flashes as it talks. I usually dampen the light with a thin towel or a tissue, it's just so unbelievably bright and flashes right in your face. Is this how toy manufacturers trick parents into thinking kids love their toys? By adding dead lights?

Well anyway, it's probably fine, but I avoid bringing those toys into his life or play with them only briefly before moving onto something else..

And yet I also worry, what if colorful lights are actually really positive for brain growth? What if such toys that I'm cutting out are actually brain boosters? I'm not sure there's evidence for it, other than babies like to stare at such things.. Most toys on the market are cheap plastic junk with flashing lights.. Is there a reason for that? Is it actually good for baby brain development? I doubt it.. And yet I'm a little paranoid. I want to make sure we're mentally stimulating our son and that our leanings toward wooden, cloth toys, our hippie like leanings don't push us out of unnatural, but brain boosting activities.

Probably all silly, but I'm a paranoid new parent, what can I say? So I'm asking you all, what do you guys do to stimulate your baby's brain?
Last edited by Polioliolio; 10-07-2017 at 02:21 PM.
theaface
Member
(10-07-2017, 02:26 PM)
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Originally Posted by EmmanuelMunoz

Anyone ever reach out to the ultrasound imaging center to find out the gender if you didn't find out at the time of the ultrasound?

We are debating it since we are having a hard time with names.

Personal preference here, but I'd say leave it. Not knowing the gender is, for me, the cherry on top when the baby is born. You'll love the child regardless and you'll pick a name that's right for you sooner or later. I know there's lots of very good reasons why people find out the gender beforehand (including just wanting to know) but if you can keep your curiosity at bay, you'll have a special surprise at the end of it all.
Keri
Member
(10-07-2017, 04:11 PM)
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Originally Posted by Polioliolio

I wanted to ask what you guys do to intellectually stimulate your babies. I talk to, goof around with, sing to, hold almost constantly, we read a few books every day, play with plush animals and colorful crinkly toys, play with wooden blocks, sometimes wih puppets, tummy time, practice walking and crawling though he can't do either yet, often have music playing, etc. He's currently just about 5 months old.

I want to hit all the bases. One thing I try to avoid though, and it may not be something to worry about but I feel better about it, is avoiding letting him watch screens in general, like stare at televisions which I assume would be very interesting to look at. Somewhat similarly, I avoid toys that have bright flashing lights. I've caught him staring into such lights on a couple toys before, and joke that he's staring into its dead lights and he mustn't do that. So we don't play with those long. Someone gave him this talking dog toy which has a large blue LED that is incredibly bright on the collar, which flashes as it talks. I usually dampen the light with a thin towel or a tissue, it's just so unbelievably bright and flashes right in your face. Is this how toy manufacturers trick parents into thinking kids love their toys? By adding dead lights?

Well anyway, it's probably fine, but I avoid bringing those toys into his life or play with them only briefly before moving onto something else..

And yet I also worry, what if colorful lights are actually really positive for brain growth? What if such toys that I'm cutting out are actually brain boosters? I'm not sure there's evidence for it, other than babies like to stare at such things.. Most toys on the market are cheap plastic junk with flashing lights.. Is there a reason for that? Is it actually good for baby brain development? I doubt it.. And yet I'm a little paranoid. I want to make sure we're mentally stimulating our son and that our leanings toward wooden, cloth toys, our hippie like leanings don't push us out of unnatural, but brain boosting activities.

Probably all silly, but I'm a paranoid new parent, what can I say? So I'm asking you all, what do you guys do to stimulate your baby's brain?

I've not heard anything about bright lights being bad for a baby. My son has a wide range of toys and he seems to enjoy them all. He likes bright lights, but he also enjoys his wooden toys. Of all his toys (and MANY have bright flashing lights) his preference now is for his wooden block train. I think bright lights are just one more fun thing for him to experience, next to textures and sounds.

The only thing I'm aware of being "bad" for babies is TV and screens, but they are bad only in the sense that children don't absorb or learn information from a TV, because they need direct interaction with people. TV time in small doses won't harm them, it just won't help them in any way, from what I understand.
Alter_Fridge
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(10-07-2017, 04:16 PM)
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Thread title really should have been 'Bed, Birth and Beyond' coz bed is where the sex happens or so I've been told
One Eyed Willy
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(10-07-2017, 04:26 PM)
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Originally Posted by theaface

Personal preference here, but I'd say leave it. Not knowing the gender is, for me, the cherry on top when the baby is born. You'll love the child regardless and you'll pick a name that's right for you sooner or later. I know there's lots of very good reasons why people find out the gender beforehand (including just wanting to know) but if you can keep your curiosity at bay, you'll have a special surprise at the end of it all.

I did it both ways, and I found that the best combination (for my wife and I) was we secretly found out the gender. We didn't tell anyone, but that put the ball in our court and allowed us to control the process. For instance, in my family (brothers, sisters kids included) there had been 6 boys and zero girls. The last 3 were all secrets until their birth. I recall loving family members all happy for a healthy baby, but there was a buzz in the air every time.

Girl girl girl girl.... "Its a boy!" .. <pause> .. YAY!

My wife and I knew we didn't want that pause, so we found out on our last. Once we found out we were having a girl, we decided to ride that train and pretend not to know. We knew the whole time what the reaction would be at birth, but had it been a boy we'd have just announced the gender months prior to get it out of the way. Announcing a girl sent our family to the moon, it was a fun experience.

There is no wrong way to do this however, just some interesting thoughts from my end.
Stop It
Perfectly able to grasp the inherent value of the fishing game.
(10-07-2017, 06:49 PM)
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Originally Posted by KernelPanic

Thanks for the support everyone!

Felt like it was over this morning as she had a lot of bleeding and told me it's over:(

Still we went to the ultrasound. I held my breath for what felt like an eternity but it looks like we got one baby at 6w5d! (thought we were almost at 8). Got to hear the heartbeat as well.

Hopefully we can sleep at night now.

No, that's wrong, you won't sleep at night for well, let's just put the figure at years.

:)

I know exactly how you felt. When we had our daughter we had a scan at around the same time because of previous issues and I could barely look at the screen. When the sonographer pointed the tiny thing with the heart racing away the feeling was amazing.

The next 34 weeks are going to be the longest, yet shortest time you'll ever experience. Enjoy each moment as it comes and try not to worry!

Said speck is now 13 months old today. And we are watching In The Night Garden.

As there was discussion above about TV I think it's ok in short doses along with play time. We have been out to the park today, spent time in her room playing with her ball pit, slide and toys and now use the aforementioned programme as part of her bed time routine.

Once they get to a certain age they pick up more than you might think. Not only does my daughter know to wave at the end when they say goodnight, but she also picks out the Night Garden books at the library each time she visits. That said, I do sound a little crazy singing along with the songs for her! Derek Jacobi is a national treasure, just saying.

Originally Posted by CrudeDiatribe

If nobody warned you: baby breathing is weird and stress inducing. Just wait until he stops breathing for a moment or twoó hilariously fun good time.

Yeah I can attest to that.

At about a week or so old I was convinced my daughter had stopped breathing. One 999 call later and one exceptionally worried but amazing paramedic later, she woke up, annoyed but none the wiser.
Last edited by Stop It; 10-07-2017 at 07:02 PM.
Keri
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(10-07-2017, 07:12 PM)
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Originally Posted by Stop It

As there was discussion above about TV I think it's ok in short doses along with play time. We have been out to the park today, spent time in her room playing with her ball pit, slide and toys and now use the aforementioned programme as part of her bed time routine.

Once they get to a certain age they pick up more than you might think. Not only does my daughter know to wave at the end when they say goodnight, but she also picks out the Night Garden books at the library each time she visits. That said, I do sound a little crazy singing along with the rings for her! Derek Jacobi is a national treasure, just saying.

Yeah, just to be clear, while I posted about TV being "bad" above, my 15 month old has totally watched TV. We watch Daniel Tiger while he eats his lunch sometime and I sing along with the theme song. Also, I occasionally put on Disney movies in the background (which he almost completely ignores but I love) them) and I definitely showed him an Owl cartoon on Youtube last night, about an Owl going to sleep. (He's really into owls right now. Maybe just because it's a word he can say?)

I read somewhere that children don't learn from TV the same way they do from people, but I agree that they seem to pick up on more than you'd expect. He is familiar with the songs and he points and says "OWL" if he catches sight of an owl. (There's an Owl character on Daniel Tiger). I think the important thing is just that your child is getting interaction with you, being played with and read to. TV is a problem when it is used as a substitute for these things, but in small doses I think it's fine. Also, I try to engage with him when it's on, by talking about what we see and singing along too.
CarpeDeezNutz
Member
(10-07-2017, 07:18 PM)
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Little Einsteins is great, my 2 year old is absorbing all the music and art.
Stop It
Perfectly able to grasp the inherent value of the fishing game.
(10-07-2017, 07:32 PM)
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Originally Posted by Keri

Yeah, just to be clear, while I posted about TV being "bad" above, my 15 month old has totally watched TV. We watch Daniel Tiger while he eats his lunch sometime and I sing along with the theme song. Also, I occasionally put on Disney movies in the background (which he almost completely ignores but I love) them) and I definitely showed him an Owl cartoon on Youtube last night, about an Owl going to sleep. (He's really into owls right now. Maybe just because it's a word he can say?)

I read somewhere that children don't learn from TV the same way they do from people, but I agree that they seem to pick up on more than you'd expect. He is familiar with the songs and he points and says "OWL" if he catches sight of an owl. (There's an Owl character on Daniel Tiger). I think the important thing is just that your child is getting interaction with you, being played with and read to. TV is a problem when it is used as a substitute for these things, but in small doses I think it's fine. Also, I try to engage with him when it's on, by talking about what we see and singing along too.

I think the key is actually using the TV as a tool to aid interaction, not replace it. If you left a child alone with a TV on, that's likely not going to learn nowhere near as much as if you were also present to provide context and help.

We live in a time where actually decent quality children's TV is available nearly all the time, before things like YouTube etc is taken into account. When I was young I know my parents shoved me in front of a TV a lot and it wasn't children's TV I watched. Now, I can make sure what my daughter does watch is at least catered for her. Also I love the Twirlywoos.
malfcn
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(10-08-2017, 04:02 AM)
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Originally Posted by Hollywood Duo

That is very strange they didnít mention it. Was it the 20 week anatomy scan?

Go with Max. Problem solved :). Trust in the medical professionals. They are incredibly cautious with newborns so if they say everything is fine itís most likely true.

He is officially Ian Maxwell.
When I said fine, I meant they said his lungs were fine and he's fully saturating. They aren't sure why he's breathing so fast, but it should go away. He was flaring a bit at birth.

They were slightly concerned with his low sugar and high bilirubin though. They suggested supplementing, which upset my wife at first, but she is more accepting now (I can feed and bond too!). And he has a little yellowing from jaundice, but the bottles should help with both concerns.

The hospital bottle they provided was terrible, he was not interested at all. It was long and thin. When we got home we grabbed the Joovy Boob and he instantly was able to feed.

Just watching them is so fun and amazing. Seeing their little faces, expressions and traits of each other is good times.
H.Protagonist
[-_-]/
(10-08-2017, 11:59 AM)
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Question for anyone who has two or more and no family/friends nearby. Did any of you or your partners go into labor and have to bring kid #1 with you to the hospital? My mother is coming ~a week and a half before the due date to hopefully catch it and watch Mia while we go to the hospital, but as no pregnancy really honors due dates, I'm wondering how it would go down with her and we have to bring #1 in the middle of the night. I'm sure all the blood and screaming won't scare her at all... -_-


Originally Posted by Soulfire

I actually ended up calling the pediatrician today since they still hadn't called. Our doctor has been out this week apparently but they had another doctor look at the scans and a nurse called us back. He has mild dilation of the left renal collection system which is a slight increase from last time and no dilation in the right. They've mentioned the collection system before but never dilation. Our doctor is going to call us Monday and hopefully I'll get more answers. They have, of course, recommended a follow up ultrasound.

Second pregnancy was much more exhausting than the first, that last month though my mom was with us the entire time so I wasn't running around with my daughter as much, that's why I was able to get any writing done. I have barely gotten any done lately :-/ I don't know if I would have survived the kind of trip you just went on. You're getting there, I know you can do it!

:/ Nothing like an inconclusive assessment with a follow-up later to make you sweat. I know they're just being thorough, and having them make a snap diagnosis would be equally bad, but it wears on you especially when you had to call to get any info at all. Well, hoping to hear a positive update on it when you go in for the next one.

As for getting there on my end, it's both going way too fast (get it out, get it out! Wait, no, I'm not ready yet! Keep it in, keep it in!) and ridiculously slow. Time feels like molasses and it shouldn't. I got her back on her normal sleep schedule after the lag in just a few days and you'd think that would help, but I still feel like hot garbage and now my husband's away on a 2 week business trip. He's only been gone a few hours and I've already started playing the "Mommy's sleeping" game with her and just laying on the floor while she tools around with her books. Makes me wish my mom was coming for more than just the 3 weeks near the birth. Any tips post-mom leaving? And I take it you're laughing hysterically at the idea of doing NaNoWriMo this year? :)



Originally Posted by Stop It

I think the key is actually using the TV as a tool to aid interaction, not replace it. If you left a child alone with a TV on, that's likely not going to learn nowhere near as much as if you were also present to provide context and help.

We live in a time where actually decent quality children's TV is available nearly all the time, before things like YouTube etc is taken into account. When I was young I know my parents shoved me in front of a TV a lot and it wasn't children's TV I watched. Now, I can make sure what my daughter does watch is at least catered for her. Also I love the Twirlywoos.

Have to agree here. I'd like to say I avoid it entirely, but I often have it on as background noise as she/we play(s) or read, etc. I think as long as they get solid interaction and engagement in their day, it's not the devil. ipads and iphones on the other hand I'm really not fond of. They're too addictive and all-consuming and seem to invite tantrum-y behavior when they can't have them unlike other things. I try really hard to avoid those, but it's tough getting others to stop since they know it's an insta-kid-quieter (I'm looking at you, Grandparents...).
Red
point your penis at me,
and have a good day
(10-08-2017, 12:54 PM)
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FWIW, Iíve been running my own sort of experiment with TV and my son. We donít let him watch much at all. The majority of his screen time is on Originator games on iPad, no more than 30 minutes a day, up to 3 days a week. We might watch a Daniel Tiger episode every week or two, but we prefer to read Daniel Tiger storybooks. Heís about 27 months old now. Heís able to read pre-K beginner books and can sound out multi-syllabic words in tougher contexts. He can communicate as with an adult vocabulary, and sometimes invents novel words and phrases to suit his meaning (ďloudify the music, dadaĒ). We have several friends with kids around his age, who (outside of one younger bright child) allow their children more screen time, and often keep them in the room when watching movies or playing games. These children arenít nearly as vocal, and donít seem anywhere near recognizing words or even lettersóskills Logan has had since as least 15 months. The one other child we know who gets little screen time is likewise more interested in communicating through language, and she seems to recognize symbols the same way Logan did. Many of the children with extra screen time are also heavier, less active, and less able to interact with others. I had been hoping to watch movies with my boy by now, but I feel guilty doing so considering the differences Iím seeing in how these kids are developing. This is a group of about 15 kids now who are between 1 and 3. I know it could be that the differences are coincidental, or that they could be due to other factors in the way these children are being raised. But my son is flourishing without screens right now, and I am hesitant to introduce them considering the success weíve had without them.

To H.Pro:
Logan has had tantrums when we suddenly remove the iPad, but heís never had a problem if we set a timer or tell him ďyou can spell one/two/however many more words,Ē and follow up on that.
Hollywood Duo
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(10-08-2017, 01:20 PM)
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Originally Posted by malfcn

He is officially Ian Maxwell.
When I said fine, I meant they said his lungs were fine and he's fully saturating. They aren't sure why he's breathing so fast, but it should go away. He was flaring a bit at birth.

They were slightly concerned with his low sugar and high bilirubin though. They suggested supplementing, which upset my wife at first, but she is more accepting now (I can feed and bond too!). And he has a little yellowing from jaundice, but the bottles should help with both concerns.

The hospital bottle they provided was terrible, he was not interested at all. It was long and thin. When we got home we grabbed the Joovy Boob and he instantly was able to feed.

Just watching them is so fun and amazing. Seeing their little faces, expressions and traits of each other is good times.

Nice choice ;) sounds like things are going well now that you are home. Weíre here for you!
SomewhatGroovy
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(10-08-2017, 01:27 PM)
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Originally Posted by H.Protagonist

Question for anyone who has two or more and no family/friends nearby. Did any of you or your partners go into labor and have to bring kid #1 with you to the hospital? My mother is coming ~a week and a half before the due date to hopefully catch it and watch Mia while we go to the hospital, but as no pregnancy really honors due dates, I'm wondering how it would go down with her and we have to bring #1 in the middle of the night. I'm sure all the blood and screaming won't scare her at all... -_-

It can be scary for them. I had to bring my 8 yr old and 3 yr old with us when our son was born three weeks ago. It was chaotic running back and forth between my wife, them and the newborn. It gets super chaotic if something arises. In my case, my son didnít breathe for his first 9 minutes so I had to ďreassureĒ my wife and kids that everything was okay while a party of 12 were working to resuscitate him. Thankfully the nurses and staff jumped in to take the girls and watch them outside.
Stop It
Perfectly able to grasp the inherent value of the fishing game.
(10-08-2017, 01:29 PM)
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Originally Posted by Red

FWIW, Iíve been running my own sort of experiment with TV and my son. We donít let him watch much at all. The majority of his screen time is on Originator games on iPad, no more than 30 minutes a day, up to 3 days a week. We might watch a Daniel Tiger episode every week or two, but we prefer to read Daniel Tiger storybooks. Heís about 27 months old now. Heís able to read pre-K beginner books and can sound out multi-syllabic words in tougher contexts. He can communicate as with an adult vocabulary, and sometimes invents novel words and phrases to suit his meaning (ďloudify the music, dadaĒ). We have several friends with kids around his age, who (outside of one younger bright child) allow their children more screen time, and often keep them in the room when watching movies or playing games. These children arenít nearly as vocal, and donít seem anywhere near recognizing words or even lettersóskills Logan has had since as least 15 months. The one other child we know who gets little screen time is likewise more interested in communicating through language, and she seems to recognize symbols the same way Logan did. Many of the children with extra screen time are also heavier, less active, and less able to interact with others. I had been hoping to watch movies with my boy by now, but I feel guilty doing so considering the differences Iím seeing in how these kids are developing. This is a group of about 15 kids now who are between 1 and 3. I know it could be that the differences are coincidental, or that they could be due to other factors in the way these children are being raised. But my son is flourishing without screens right now, and I am hesitant to introduce them considering the success weíve had without them.

To H.Pro:
Logan has had tantrums when we suddenly remove the iPad, but heís never had a problem if we set a timer or tell him ďyou can spell one/two/however many more words,Ē and follow up on that.

Without a doubt, reliance on screen time usually is indicative of a lack of other stimulation and as you note, maybe a factor in activity levels as well.

It's why any screen time is balanced by plenty of activities and baby groups. My daughter is taken to baby groups, baby music lessons, sign language lessons, baby ballet every week at the moment and has done swimming lessons, baby yoga and other groups before this.

However, if you're doing well with what you have at the moment, don't fix what ain't broken.

Now, if anyone can find a way to convince a 13 month old to not dramatically throw their food in mic drop fashion when they're done with it (or sometimes when she isn't!), that would be amazing.
TesUsa
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(10-08-2017, 01:31 PM)
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Anyone here with yourself or partner who has fragile X? Our first kid we didnít even know about it, our second kid got tested and heís fine. Dodged 2 bullets, but the wife wants a third and I donít want to risk it.
KernelPanic
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(10-08-2017, 09:58 PM)
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Originally Posted by Stop It

No, that's wrong, you won't sleep at night for well, let's just put the figure at years.

:)

I know exactly how you felt. When we had our daughter we had a scan at around the same time because of previous issues and I could barely look at the screen. When the sonographer pointed the tiny thing with the heart racing away the feeling was amazing.

The next 34 weeks are going to be the longest, yet shortest time you'll ever experience. Enjoy each moment as it comes and try not to worry!

It's our third time. Everything is slowly flooding back from the past two. She has some internal bleedig(subchrionic hematoma I think) so I'm fighting a constant battle to have her rest as much as possible.

The worst battle is yet to come and it will be over the name. If it's a boy it's definitely gonna be war lmao.

I hope it's a girl as we decided that name years ago:)
Stop It
Perfectly able to grasp the inherent value of the fishing game.
(10-09-2017, 08:48 AM)
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Originally Posted by KernelPanic

It's our third time. Everything is slowly flooding back from the past two. She has some internal bleedig(subchrionic hematoma I think) so I'm fighting a constant battle to have her rest as much as possible.

The worst battle is yet to come and it will be over the name. If it's a boy it's definitely gonna be war lmao.

I hope it's a girl as we decided that name years ago:)

It'll be a girl and the name you have won't work out, sods law!

It's typical. When you need to rest, that's the last thing you want to do. Of course when you'd actually want to rest, you won't.

Good luck through the pregnancy.
Soulfire
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(10-09-2017, 09:18 PM)
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Originally Posted by H.Protagonist

:/ Nothing like an inconclusive assessment with a follow-up later to make you sweat. I know they're just being thorough, and having them make a snap diagnosis would be equally bad, but it wears on you especially when you had to call to get any info at all. Well, hoping to hear a positive update on it when you go in for the next one.

As for getting there on my end, it's both going way too fast (get it out, get it out! Wait, no, I'm not ready yet! Keep it in, keep it in!) and ridiculously slow. Time feels like molasses and it shouldn't. I got her back on her normal sleep schedule after the lag in just a few days and you'd think that would help, but I still feel like hot garbage and now my husband's away on a 2 week business trip. He's only been gone a few hours and I've already started playing the "Mommy's sleeping" game with her and just laying on the floor while she tools around with her books. Makes me wish my mom was coming for more than just the 3 weeks near the birth. Any tips post-mom leaving? And I take it you're laughing hysterically at the idea of doing NaNoWriMo this year? :)

Our pediatrician called today, she made the radiologist review all the images ever taken of Henry and he said that there is no cyst and that the dilation is so mild that he's not concerned about it at all. Unless he develops a urinary tract infection we won't be doing any further ultrasounds. Very happy about that, it was nice to hear from my pediatrician.

Tips for mom leaving, honestly I was really lucky and my husband had 6 weeks of paid paternity leave so my mom didn't stick around for more than a couple days once Henry was born. Having my husband there was awesome and by the time he went back to work I was more than prepared. Those first few days lean heavy on whoever is there, get as much help and rest as you can so that you can build your strength back up. Once it's just the three of you remember, your priority is taking care of them not the house or anything else. I actually wrote down a list on a notepad I see in the shower as a little reminder, 1)Take care of kids 2) Share with my husband (mean emotionally and stuff) 3) Don't let everything else overwhelm me.
I struggled with PPD with my daughter, but it's been much better with my son. I really think part of that is that my epidural worked this time. I wasn't exhausted after giving birth. Then having my husband home was the next big difference because while my mom is awesome he's still better with the kids.
I hope everything goes well for you, try and get rest, though I know that's pretty much impossible the bigger you get. You'll be able to do it, it's not impossible, it's hard but you'll get used to it faster than you expect.
Goodlife
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(10-10-2017, 05:01 PM)
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Our eldest (6), like her mother, is a fiery character. But, only with people she knows (i.e. us) my wife gets into full blown arguments with her, neither of them backing down. If I try to tell her anything, she will destroy me, just like her mother does.
For people she doesn't know, she's painfully shy. We've done a lot to try and help her confidence and bring her out of her shell in "normal" life and she's def getting there, but still not the strong little girl we know she is. She overthinks everything, is terrified of getting into trouble etc etc so doesn't really show her true side, which is a shame.

Anyway, some kid has been picking on her in school on and off for the last couple of months, just name calling up till recently, but it's now moved to pushing etc. We're trying to not get involved and be "those" parents as she has to fight her own battles and we know that if she shows her true self she'd destroy this kid (mentally and probably physically to be honest, she's a "solid" kid). But she never says anything as she's scared of getting into trouble in school if she sticks up for herself. So whenever I try and talk to her about it she always says "it's fine"

Yesterday she came home crying as this kid had threatened to beat her up the next day but she still didn't say anything as was still scared of getting into trouble.

Today we got a phonecall from the teacher, the kid had hit her in the face. She was ok, but obviously upset at the time but playing etc now, so they just wanted to let us know.

My wife spoke to her after school, find out what had happened.

The kid had been picking on one of our daughters friends, pushing her etc. My daughter stepped in and pushed him because "friends stand up for each other", the kid then hit my daughter.

Obviously I'm gutted and upset she got hit, but after months of being picked on herself, the thing that tipped her over the edge was that her friend was getting picked on so she stepped up.

I must be honest I'm proper proud of her.
Stop It
Perfectly able to grasp the inherent value of the fishing game.
(10-10-2017, 06:05 PM)
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Originally Posted by Goodlife

Our eldest (6), like her mother, is a fiery character. But, only with people she knows (i.e. us) my wife gets into full blown arguments with her, neither of them backing down. If I try to tell her anything, she will destroy me, just like her mother does.
For people she doesn't know, she's painfully shy. We've done a lot to try and help her confidence and bring her out of her shell in "normal" life and she's def getting there, but still not the strong little girl we know she is. She overthinks everything, is terrified of getting into trouble etc etc so doesn't really show her true side, which is a shame.

Anyway, some kid has been picking on her in school on and off for the last couple of months, just name calling up till recently, but it's now moved to pushing etc. We're trying to not get involved and be "those" parents as she has to fight her own battles and we know that if she shows her true self she'd destroy this kid (mentally and probably physically to be honest, she's a "solid" kid). But she never says anything as she's scared of getting into trouble in school if she sticks up for herself. So whenever I try and talk to her about it she always says "it's fine"

Yesterday she came home crying as this kid had threatened to beat her up the next day but she still didn't say anything as was still scared of getting into trouble.

Today we got a phonecall from the teacher, the kid had hit her in the face. She was ok, but obviously upset at the time but playing etc now, so they just wanted to let us know.

My wife spoke to her after school, find out what had happened.

The kid had been picking on one of our daughters friends, pushing her etc. My daughter stepped in and pushed him because "friends stand up for each other", the kid then hit my daughter.

Obviously I'm gutted and upset she got hit, but after months of being picked on herself, the thing that tipped her over the edge was that her friend was getting picked on so she stepped up.

I must be honest I'm proper proud of her.

A 6 year old using violence is something to be proud of now?

And to leave your child to being bullied to try to get this sort of reaction out of her instead of supporting her and getting the school involved before things hit out of hand?

What the fuck man. She's 6, children of that age need support, not to "fight their own" battles. What year is it.gif.
Last edited by Stop It; 10-10-2017 at 06:07 PM.
Soulfire
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(10-10-2017, 08:13 PM)
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Originally Posted by Stop It

A 6 year old using violence is something to be proud of now?

And to leave your child to being bullied to try to get this sort of reaction out of her instead of supporting her and getting the school involved before things hit out of hand?

What the fuck man. She's 6, children of that age need support, not to "fight their own" battles. What year is it.gif.

ParentingGAF is a place where parents come to talk about their children, ask for and offer advice, and generally be supportive. We are not here to judge other people's parenting techniques. Goodlife did not ask for advice, he was sharing what is going on his daughter's life and how she reacted to it. Please keep things within the OP guidelines. Thanks.
Goodlife
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(10-11-2017, 06:52 AM)
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Originally Posted by Stop It

A 6 year old using violence is something to be proud of now?

And to leave your child to being bullied to try to get this sort of reaction out of her instead of supporting her and getting the school involved before things hit out of hand?

What the fuck man. She's 6, children of that age need support, not to "fight their own" battles. What year is it.gif.

Ah, man, sorry, I just gave a shortened version. I can expand to the hourly chats every evening we have with my daughter about things, the hundreds (probably thousands by now) of pounds we've spent on extra curricular activities for her to try and build her confidence and the many many many chats we've had with the school (both her teachers and the head teacher) about things, if you really want?

But, you know, thought that lecture would be a bit long and probably even more boring than the compressed version.
SomewhatGroovy
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(10-11-2017, 07:48 AM)
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Have three kids: 8 , almost 4 and 3 weeks old

Infant: very gassy tonight and poor guy hasnít been able to get a string of hours of sleep because of it. Iíve gotten to point where I do what I can (some tummy time, massage, pump legs to help him pass gas etc) and now Iím at a point where I just let him cry until the gas passes. Frustrating frustrating moments to be had for sure. The easiest solution is to feed him so he relaxes enough to pass but then the vicious cycle begins anew as the new food brings itís own set of problems. As frustrated as I get, I remind myself that he didnít breathe for his first 8 mins on earth so I am ultimately grateful.

4 year old: is regressing. Screams and points rather uses her words, wants pull ups and just generally temperamental. I told my wife we have to remain firm with her and the rules are the rules while reassuring her she isnít forgotten

The 8 year old is , and I hate to say this but it is what it is, I just donít like being around her. She has little patience with her 4 yr old sibling and speaks to her condescendingly, screams her responses and has to be told over and over to do simple things . She needs attention but I donít want to give it to her. Itís a vicious cyclw but I know I need to do the right thing.

Look forward to any advice parents kids have to help with a new sibling dynamic.
bosseye
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(10-11-2017, 08:17 AM)
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Originally Posted by SomewhatGroovy

Have three kids: 8 , almost 4 and 3 weeks old

Infant: very gassy tonight and poor guy hasnít been able to get a string of hours of sleep because of it. Iíve gotten to point where I do what I can (some tummy time, massage, pump legs to help him pass gas etc) and now Iím at a point where I just let him cry until the gas passes. Frustrating frustrating moments to be had for sure. The easiest solution is to feed him so he relaxes enough to pass but then the vicious cycle begins anew as the new food brings itís own set of problems. As frustrated as I get, I remind myself that he didnít breathe for his first 8 mins on earth so I am ultimately grateful.

4 year old: is regressing. Screams and points rather uses her words, wants pull ups and just generally temperamental. I told my wife we have to remain firm with her and the rules are the rules while reassuring her she isnít forgotten

The 8 year old is , and I hate to say this but it is what it is, I just donít like being around her. She has little patience with her 4 yr old sibling and speaks to her condescendingly, screams her responses and has to be told over and over to do simple things . She needs attention but I donít want to give it to her. Itís a vicious cyclw but I know I need to do the right thing.

Look forward to any advice parents kids have to help with a new sibling dynamic.

That's tough. I've only got two, but my oldest definitely regressed a bit when his sister was born. We got round it by making sure we spent more time than usual with him, sometimes alone, sometimes with the new baby. Although they can't articulate it perhaps, but I guess there is this sensation of being 'replaced' and suddenly having to work that much harder for your attention, and for kids getting that attention follows no logic sometimes hence bad behaviour. It felt counter intuitive, giving attention for the poor behaviour initially but we learnt to pre-empt the tantrums and give him lots of attention right before or during any baby stuff; it also helped to try and engage him in baby stuff 'as he was a really grown up boy now' etc etc and he came back around relatively quickly. We tried not to disrupt his routine too much too (easier said than done!) so he still got his usual bathtime, bedtime stories etc.

A lot harder with three though I'm sure but I'd say just constant reassurance until they find their balance.

Of course my two occasionally fight like cats and dogs now but that's just siblings aged 7 and 5 I suppose.

Good luck.
Stop It
Perfectly able to grasp the inherent value of the fishing game.
(10-11-2017, 09:44 AM)
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Originally Posted by Goodlife

Ah, man, sorry, I just gave a shortened version. I can expand to the hourly chats every evening we have with my daughter about things, the hundreds (probably thousands by now) of pounds we've spent on extra curricular activities for her to try and build her confidence and the many many many chats we've had with the school (both her teachers and the head teacher) about things, if you really want?

But, you know, thought that lecture would be a bit long and probably even more boring than the compressed version.

Well, yes but hey. I'll bow out and apologize for being judgemental, not my place to do so especially by jumping to conclusions.
SomewhatGroovy
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(10-12-2017, 09:29 AM)
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Originally Posted by bosseye

That's tough. I've only got two, but my oldest definitely regressed a bit when his sister was born. We got round it by making sure we spent more time than usual with him, sometimes alone, sometimes with the new baby. Although they can't articulate it perhaps, but I guess there is this sensation of being 'replaced' and suddenly having to work that much harder for your attention, and for kids getting that attention follows no logic sometimes hence bad behaviour. It felt counter intuitive, giving attention for the poor behaviour initially but we learnt to pre-empt the tantrums and give him lots of attention right before or during any baby stuff; it also helped to try and engage him in baby stuff 'as he was a really grown up boy now' etc etc and he came back around relatively quickly. We tried not to disrupt his routine too much too (easier said than done!) so he still got his usual bathtime, bedtime stories etc.

A lot harder with three though I'm sure but I'd say just constant reassurance until they find their balance.

Of course my two occasionally fight like cats and dogs now but that's just siblings aged 7 and 5 I suppose.

Good luck.

Appreciate it and agree with your sentiment even if, as you said, giving attention to poor behavior feels counter intuitive
malfcn
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(10-17-2017, 09:03 AM)
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This kid keeps waking up and going through bottles and diapers between 11-4am every night. Need to change his internal clock somehow.
Vengal
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(10-17-2017, 04:06 PM)
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So my daughter has always eaten her pizza upside down ever since she could feed herself and we introduced her to homemade pizza. After the first few times of trying to get her not to eat it upside down and her getting cheese all over her chin we just gave up. This sorta blows for me as i'm allergic to milk and cleanup duty is annoying but its not terrible.

The daycare she goes to does a pizza day once a month and apparently my daughter's eating methods have started to spread to the other kids like an outbreak. This past month I got out of work early and swung by for the monthly pizza party and its just surreal to see a tight nit group of toddlers all eating their pizza upside down getting cheese everywhere.

So as a cheese averse person whats going on here, why is she eating it upside down? I suspect it might be a superior method of consuming pizza as all the other kids adopted this strategy after seeing her do it.
Brandson
Member
(10-17-2017, 05:20 PM)

Originally Posted by Vengal

So my daughter has always eaten her pizza upside down ever since she could feed herself and we introduced her to homemade pizza. After the first few times of trying to get her not to eat it upside down and her getting cheese all over her chin we just gave up. This sorta blows for me as i'm allergic to milk and cleanup duty is annoying but its not terrible.

The daycare she goes to does a pizza day once a month and apparently my daughter's eating methods have started to spread to the other kids like an outbreak. This past month I got out of work early and swung by for the monthly pizza party and its just surreal to see a tight nit group of toddlers all eating their pizza upside down getting cheese everywhere.

So as a cheese averse person whats going on here, why is she eating it upside down? I suspect it might be a superior method of consuming pizza as all the other kids adopted this strategy after seeing her do it.

My 3 year old son holds pizza like that too. My 6 year old holds it the normal way, and always has. I think for the 3 year old, it's easier for him to grip it that way with his little fingers, or at least that is what he seems to believe. I've been gently encouraging him to flip it the right way around. Sometimes it happens, sometimes not. And yes, watching 2-3 year olds eat meals together can be quite interesting.

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