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-   -   What's your sex routine? (http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showthread.php?t=564257)

JustHadToJoin 05-23-2013 07:49 PM

What's your sex routine?
 
Been thinking about sex all day and I got to thinking.. I wonder how other people initiate/end sex? You can only ever see what you do right? How do you change the mood from hanging out to horny? How do you get her to the point where she opens up and lets you dive in? At what point does he get turned on by you enough and decide to lay you down? And at the end how do y'all keep your stuff clean?

I know it shouldn't be the identical all the time but everyone has patterns that work. Here's my routine

Ignoring whats happened in the past couple minutes or hours or whatever, whenever I want to change the mood I begin to take long pauses in between her comments and questions. In between comments so she wonders what I'm thinking and in between questions so she starts to make more eye contact while waiting for a response.

I'll be sure to strengthen bass in my voice a bit more than usual, and I'll slow down my responses a bit..it feels like the rumble of bass echoes into her.

I'll start to speak more forcefully, personally, and interact more directly. For example, should she ask, "you know what I wanted earlier today?" my response isn't, "what?" My response is (remembering to pause for 1/2 - 1.5 seconds) "tell me what you wanted" with direct eye contact and stroking the bass.

Once I notice that she is having trouble continuing normal conversations (not stuttering, but its clear that I'm inside her mind is she is thinking about it-this is plain and obvious) I'll figure out some compliment to bring her my way. "Is that the perfume you bought last week? Come here....gud smel... wow...such scent. "

/touching /kissing /eye contact /seduction

Put on music and I always dive in first. only because women take so much more more to get ready. Theres no routine during however.

I'm really curious about the end. I always have some sort of improvised cumrag around for when I'm ready. I haven't been lucky enough to be with many women who want it on their body, but I've also been lucky enough to be in longer relationships so I always came inside. but it has to come back out and I hate it on my bed. So I just put her on a towel I had nearby or t shirt or blanket or whatever and let it drip onto that. What do other people do? I feel like its weird to do what I do here. You all just let it flow out and then change your sheets? still stains the mattress that way..

this all goes out the window after 7 shots sadly

How do you put in work?

andymcc 05-23-2013 07:50 PM

stealth brag: the thread.

you're not going to get many responses.

Proteus 05-23-2013 07:50 PM

Routine?

When it becomes routine, you're doing it wrong.

ZombieFred 05-23-2013 07:50 PM

I like to go by the mood than being conventional.

John Dunbar 05-23-2013 07:50 PM

i open a new incognito window and see where the evening takes me.

stufte 05-23-2013 07:51 PM

Waaay overthinking it...

pigeon 05-23-2013 07:51 PM

Who's on First, usually.

Pastry 05-23-2013 07:51 PM

I don't think I'v ever actually put on music to have sex. If it's already on then cool but I never make the decision to put it on.

Harry Potter 05-23-2013 07:51 PM

[QUOTE=andymcc;58844697]stealth brag: the thread.

you're not going to get many responses.[/QUOTE]

I know right, because it's crazy that someone on GAF could actually be having sex. The outrage!!!

Magilla 05-23-2013 07:51 PM

Mine involves a counter-clockwise swirl.

maomaoIYP 05-23-2013 07:51 PM

I alternate between the left hand and the right hand.

Kwixotik 05-23-2013 07:51 PM

I don't even know how to begin to respond to this thread

Darklord 05-23-2013 07:51 PM

I sit at the computer and slowly jack off until I find something sick and disgusting, blow my load, then close 46 tabs.

zoukka 05-23-2013 07:51 PM

You are overthinking it. Especially that rag part...

Ashhong 05-23-2013 07:52 PM

[QUOTE=JustHadToJoin;58844509]
I'll start to speak more forcefully, personally, and interact more directly. For example, should she ask, "you know what I wanted earlier today?" my response isn't, "what?" My response is (remembering to pause for 1/2 - 1.5 seconds) [B]"tell me what you wanted"[/B] with direct eye contact and stroking the bass.
[/QUOTE]

[IMG]http://f.cl.ly/items/3B3M3o0R461Q3G461f0T/lol.gif[/IMG][IMG]http://f.cl.ly/items/3B3M3o0R461Q3G461f0T/lol.gif[/IMG][IMG]http://f.cl.ly/items/3B3M3o0R461Q3G461f0T/lol.gif[/IMG]

I just start making out with her in bed and then eventually being more physical and I move downtown, then we switch and then the sex happens.

ohhthegore 05-23-2013 07:52 PM

Blowjob then rim job then doggystyle then facial

Patrick Bateman 05-23-2013 07:52 PM

[IMG]http://abload.de/img/piston1gqxnu.gif[/IMG]


This routine?

dalin80 05-23-2013 07:52 PM

up, down.. repeat.

bud 05-23-2013 07:53 PM

[QUOTE=JustHadToJoin;58844509]
Ignoring whats happened in the past couple minutes or hours or whatever, whenever I want to change the mood I begin to take long pauses in between her comments and questions. In between comments so she wonders what I'm thinking and in between questions so she starts to make more eye contact while waiting for a response.

I'll be sure to strengthen bass in my voice a bit more than usual, and I'll slow down my responses a bit..it feels like the rumble of bass echoes into her.

I'll start to speak more forcefully, personally, and interact more directly. For example, should she ask, "you know what I wanted earlier today?" my response isn't, "what?" My response is (remembering to pause for 1/2 - 1.5 seconds) "tell me what you wanted" with direct eye contact and stroking the bass.
[/QUOTE]



[IMG]http://i.imgur.com/keBGyvp.png[/IMG]

andymcc 05-23-2013 07:53 PM

[QUOTE=Harry Potter;58845013]I know right, because it's crazy that someone on GAF could actually be having sex. The outrage!!![/QUOTE]

i think it's a pretty weird question too tbqh

Kentpaul 05-23-2013 07:53 PM

Foreplay then fucking.

MThanded 05-23-2013 07:53 PM

routine?

ZachDeKoromaru 05-23-2013 07:53 PM

[QUOTE=Darklord;58845137]I sit at the computer and slowly jack off until I find something sick and disgusting, blow my load, then close 46 tabs.[/QUOTE]

You forgot the part where you only watched three of those.

Fusion Pizza 05-23-2013 07:53 PM

Uhh, its usually bedroom eyes then to the bedroom...

‹bermatik 05-23-2013 07:54 PM

I have sex.

Skeyser 05-23-2013 07:54 PM

i just whip out my penis

but seriously, a routine sounds boring

Log4Girlz 05-23-2013 07:54 PM

First I drive to the nearest fisting establishment

triplestation 05-23-2013 07:54 PM

I brake and then stop the car and then the ho gets in and I have to find a secluded area and then we have some sex and then I kill her to get my money back I don't really need it that much so sometimes I let her go

Incitemaybe 05-23-2013 07:54 PM

Hilarious OP that became slightly forced by the end. Still, the "low rumbled bass that gets into her mind" made me chuckle.

RK9039 05-23-2013 07:54 PM

I call it the helicopter.

Ashhong 05-23-2013 07:54 PM

I'm still laughing at the "tell me what you wanted" part lol.

FairyD 05-23-2013 07:55 PM

I could only hope for the day that I have so much sex that it becomes routine.

Marjorine 05-23-2013 07:55 PM

I have been having sex with the same girl for a very long time. It usually starts with one of us saying "You want to do it?" and ends 20 minutes later on some piece of furniture. That is about all the thinking required. It's pleasant.

Draper 05-23-2013 07:55 PM

What in the fuck...

At what point to you chop her up into pieces?

Grassclipper 05-23-2013 07:57 PM

"Stroking the bass" is one of the best things I read in a long time.

Raika 05-23-2013 07:57 PM

I get boners at everything nowadays since I don't fap but don't get laid either. Lucky bastards being able to even talk about routines and shit.

The Anti-Monitor 05-23-2013 07:57 PM

Jesus Christ, you really do need a manual for everything.

Hey GAF how do i shot web

Just do whatever you want in the moment for fuck's sake.

Proteus 05-23-2013 07:58 PM

[QUOTE=JustHadToJoin;58844509]

I'll start to speak more forcefully, personally, and interact more directly. For example, should she ask, "you know what I wanted earlier today?" my response isn't, "what?" My response is (remembering to pause for 1/2 - 1.5 seconds) "tell me what you wanted" with direct eye contact and stroking the bass.

[/QUOTE]

TAKE THE DRESS OFF.

PUT THE DRESS BACK ON.

READ THE BOOK.

DON'T READ THE BOOK.

MAKE ME NOODLES!

I find direct commands turn women on too.

ngower 05-23-2013 07:58 PM

It all begins with some hot self-deprecation. Then I typically submit myself to their will with a quick and timid 'okay.' I avert eye contact throughout, and pretend not to hear them when they ask questions. If all goes well, I can hope our love-making ends in me weeping myself to sleep beneath the sheets.

GhostWriter24 05-23-2013 07:58 PM

Creepy thread or creepiest thread?

Giggzy 05-23-2013 07:58 PM

[QUOTE=Marjorine;58846005]I have been having sex with the same girl for a very long time. It usually starts with one of us saying "You want to do it?" and ends 20 minutes later on some piece of furniture. That is about all the thinking required. It's pleasant.[/QUOTE]

This.

JustHadToJoin 05-23-2013 07:58 PM

Maybe I should have said seduction routine. Maybe routine is the wrong word to use but you don't notice yourself doing certain things to get your partner in the mood? Certain things just always work

[QUOTE=zoukka;58845141]You are overthinking it. Especially that rag part...[/QUOTE]

Really, then what do you do? Changing the sheets after every time...is that really how people operate?

Skeyser 05-23-2013 07:58 PM

[QUOTE=NeoCTN;58846109]What in the fuck...

At what point to you chop her up into pieces?[/QUOTE]

For some reason, the first thing I thought when reading the OP was American psycho [img]http://i.imgur.com/KuGsj.gif[/img]

Monocle 05-23-2013 07:59 PM

You put it in then you take it out.

Edit: "Improvised cumrag." Now there's an evocative phrase.

[QUOTE=Log4Girlz;58845725]First I drive to the nearest fisting establishment[/QUOTE]
I used to be into fisting but the rods were too expensive and I could spend the whole day waiting for a bite.

steveovig 05-23-2013 08:00 PM

I just usually say "do you want to have sex sometime in the next few hours." I'm married, it's not some puzzle that needs to be solved.

Grym 05-23-2013 08:00 PM

Start: "Honey, wanna do it?"

End: each of us go to bathroom, clean up the mess, and get dressed

freshair 05-23-2013 08:00 PM

*checks watch*

Her: "We have about an hour to kill"

Me: "Yes we do"

Her: "Why are your pants still on?"


Usually as easy as that. But we broke up 2 weeks ago so... that's that. lol

stuminus3 05-23-2013 08:01 PM

My wife would laugh me out of the house if I did anything mentioned in the OP.

Giggzy 05-23-2013 08:01 PM

I'll finish on her ass, chest, back, or any other body location that I'm nearest to first(besides her face, she has to be in her very freaky mood for that). Then I look around for the first piece of cloth or towel I lay my eyes on and clean her up with that. Then we usually go shower after some cuddling.

JustHadToJoin 05-23-2013 08:02 PM

[QUOTE=stuminus3;58847573]My wife would laugh me out of the house if I did anything mentioned in the OP.[/QUOTE]

Me and your wife are incompatible, consider yourself lucky


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